Intelligent, but no blardy common sense!

[CuriosityCola]

My in-laws were very keen to get ds in a forward facing carseat. They had installed one the first time they visited when he was a week old (just incase we went somewhere).

Anyway, I have kept him rear facing until a year and he was the right weight. They have been taking him on little outings over the last couple of months. I didn't mind occasional use of the forward facing as he was the right weight and they said it was a high quality one from my sil.

Was going out for the day with ds and Mil kindly picked us up. Went to put ds in the seat and asked mil how to adjust straps as they looked too big. She then had a quick pull on them and said all done. I checked again and realised they are still on the settings for sil's son (would have just turned 4 when last in use). Not only that, but the strap between his legs was not attached to the seat, only the fabric. I started trying to fix all this (ignoring cats bum face). I couldn't adjust the head rest. Mil said it was on lowest setting. My ds is really tall, so I questioned the grouping of the carseat. Mil had no idea.

Well, if you managed to read all that...I'm fuming! Mil was not concerned by any of this and was more concerned about getting going. I feel sick that my ds has been driven all over the place (motorways) in a seat he could have wriggled out of.

Aibu to wonder how someone so intelligent could have such a disregard for safety?

I would ensure you supply your own carseat in future. To be fair, they're of a generation who just didn't know all this stuff. My parents were smart, loving and mostly sensible and I was transported ( more than once) loose in the back of my dad's estate car...

By back, I mean the boot, as opposed to the backseat!

My MIL (who is lovely!) couldn't do up the straps on my son's car seat (he must have been about 3 or 4). She tied them together with string.

YANBU to be annoyed; car seat safety is of huge importance.

But, having said that, it's not that long since carseats weren't required by law, so maybe your ILs are just unaware of how important they are. I know that's not an excuse; if they're regularly caring for their grandchildren they should be aware of current safety rules.

Why didn't you check before now? If you knew that they wanted to put a newborn in an inappropriate seat, you already know they know nothing about car seats and safety. Therefore you should have made sure the seat was safe for your child.
YABU.

"Aibu to wonder how someone so intelligent could have such a disregard for safety?"

I think the reason is that most grandparents will have reared their children in an age when children floated about on the back seat/in the boot/sticking their heads out of the sun roof. Car seats are often off their radar.

This is just one that you have to politely and emphatically enforce.

Surely it can't get any worse than the horror I experienced when I found that my PILS were strapping the wee one carefully into the car seat, BUT NOT STRAPPING THE CAR SEAT INTO THE CAR! Hadn't even occurred to them, didn't have a clue, still shudder now.... Keep saying to friends to check when DCs are going out with ANYONE but you!

YANBU to want your DS safely secured but YABU to associate it with intelligence. I was carted about in a moses basket on back seat, have been driven into town in the boot, have sat on my parents lap to 'drive' the car. Just wasn't an issue years ago - they probably thought they were doing thier best. In fairness cars are much safer now than then too.

That's a really good point about it being a generation thing. It's just so bizarre when they are overly safety aware about other things. I have to stop ds being turned upside down every time we eat with them as he is always choking

They had told me it was a birth to four seat, which I held off on as I don't agree with placing them forward too ealry. Also, as sil gave it to them for my ds I assumed she had given them an appropriate seat. It's not as though it's their first grandchild. I suppose I just don't want to seem to be checking up on them all the time, chose the wrong thing to be trusting with!

My dh is on his way home, so I just needed to rant about their stupidity. I can now mention to him that they can't use that seat anymore and act all rational about it .

@ using string. I'm lost for words on that one!

superlemoncrush lesson learned.

This makes interesting reading in terms of thinking about changing attitudes... takes a bloody long time, even with evidence. www.rospa.com/roadsafety/info/seatbelt_history.pdf This is just talking about seatbelts, not car seats- vulnerable child passengers sadly not a priority. It was 2006 before all children under 12/ applicable height had to have an appropriate seat!

My mil isn't stupid yet she still tried to put honey in DD2s mouth at the grand old age of 3 hours. Apparently it's "good for them".

Totally a generational thing.

When I question my mum on the things that she would automatically do but I definitely wouldn't she says, "YOU survived didn't you?"

One day I'll say "NO!" and then run like hell!

I would say alot of it is a generation thing, but a large majority is ignorance.

My friend has a carseat with one of those special clips that shows you when the straps are secure and tight enough on the child but shes never got it on the 'safe' sign as apparently her ds doesnt like it too tight. I dont think shes realised that for it to work properly it needs to be clipped together and tight on the child.

The honey thing is an old, old superstition/old wives tale thing. It might possibly have helped years and years ago too, as honey has antiseptic and antibiotic properties, which in the middle ages could well have saved a newborn's life sometimes, given the generally insanitary conditions.

Thanks for the link asparagus. I never realised how recent most of the legislation is.

I always thought that giving honey was a cultural thing. Don't they do it in some eastern cultures to give them sweet words in life?

I still think that as ds is the youngest grandchild, they should really know better by now. Then again I am bias, as i don't particularly get on with them anyway.

I wonder how many things my ds will look at me in shock horror about when he is older?

I personally think you were a bit daft not to check that the seat was ok (check model/size/weight on line to double check the guidelines) and that the IL's could correctly put child in seat at the right setting. However I would really put your foot down now. Refit the seat at the correct setting and demonstrate how to put child in seat. Then watch them put him in.

My MIL used to have her babies rolling around in a moses basket on the back seat. It was the norm. I wonder how many babies have died over the years...

Isn't honey and babies is linked to botulism and therefore dangerous health problems.

I was daft not to check. I'm known as being quite neurotic about things, so was trying to be more trusting. The crazy thing is that I have a really good isofix seat that is easy to use and the right group, but they wanted to use their one.

Going to have to politely tell them that they can no longer use the one they have.

Dammit, I don't often do Aibu and it turns out I was .

As a side note, I sent sil a text to find out grouping of car seat and she replied that she didn't know .