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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sack my husband from his job?

23 replies

ShavingPrimateRyan · 15/09/2012 19:45

I run a business that my parents started and left me when they retired. I have taken about 8 months off for maternity leave (although I have still been working from time to time).
My husband (then DP) lost his job so I employed him in my business to take over the running of it alongside a manager while I looked after our DD.
Recently the manager has been taking the piss and slacking a bit and have been getting complaints from staff (even though I am on maternity leave and have employed my husband to deal with it Hmm).
I asked my DH to deal with it and have a word with the manager, this was a month ago now. I assumed he had done it as he told me he had sorted it, until 2 days ago when I received another complaint.
I invited the manager over to my house to have a meeting with me and DP to discuss his conduct. I did tear him a strip because as I mentioned before he has been taking the piss majorly. Near the end of the meeting I asked DH for his input. The reply I have got majorly fucked me off Angry.
In front of my employee he told me that I have been lazy since going on maternity leave and that I make little contribution to the business and expect him and said manager to work miracles! I feel he was totally out of line to bring this up when staff were present as it sends out the wrong signals imo.
I am now seriously considering putting DD into nursery and going back to work full time and telling my husband that I don't want him to work for me anymore and to find a job elsewhere?
WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShavingPrimateRyan · 15/09/2012 19:46

Oh and just to add I do pay my husband to work for me!

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 15/09/2012 19:48

YANBU.

It's not always best to work with/employ family/friends.

FuckityFuckFuck · 15/09/2012 19:50

Err you are on maternity leave. It's not like you have been lazing around, spending everyday in a sap because you can't be arsed! I am fuming on your behalf!

Would sacking DH have a major impact on family finances though?

Kayano · 15/09/2012 19:51

I would sack him and the other manager or at least have them on a last final warning

CaliforniaLeaving · 15/09/2012 19:51

Maybe you should warn him first in private, that if he pulls that crap again in front of employees that he will be fired, family or not. Then warn the manager if he doesn't pull he finger out he will be fired, as it is your business and your Dh is an employee also.
Remind them times are tough there will be experienced people lining up waiting for a such good positions.

Original poster
ShavingPrimateRyan · 15/09/2012 19:51

The thing that makes me laugh is that I gave him the job as a favor! I was going to have DD and then work around newborn stage and working until she was ready for nursery. He begged me for the job and now says he hates it! I pay him a wage, so I end up more out of pocket than I would be if I did things my way!

OP posts:
Balderdashandpiffle · 15/09/2012 19:57

Can't you go back to work and he stay at home and look after your daughter?

Original poster
ShavingPrimateRyan · 15/09/2012 20:02

No he cant. I never wanted to go on maternity leave and be a SAHM but DH insisted and I gave in. I dont want to be the only breadwinner in the house, I think it's fair that DH is earning as well. IYSWIM

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 15/09/2012 20:11

go back to work dont sack him as he was employed to cover your maternity leave just tell him his work has come to an end, he should get another job.

yanbu

avivabeaver · 15/09/2012 20:12

I would arrange childcare for monday if possible and turn up. Give hubby one months notice. Reassure loyal staff that there will be no re-occurence and keep so called manager on really short leash.

DH can start looking for a new job in his months notice and you will graciously allow time off for interviews.

BettySuarez · 15/09/2012 20:18

I think that you have serious marital issues if your husband is prepared to think of you like that. Perhaps this also needs to be addressed?

I agree that the Manager should be given a final warning but your husband should be given one too. Not just because he is behaving disgracefully towards you but because you could find that your Manager tries to claim unfair dismissal if he feels he that he has been treated differently from your husband.

ACAS will help you through this process.

How awful for you Sad

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2012 20:19

How about sacking the other manager due to his conduct?

Your only complaint about your husband is that he was insubordinate infront of another employee.

I would go down the disciplinary route with other manager, owing to complaints about him. Replace him, and return to work, while allowing your dh a grace period where he works a 3 month notice period, seeing as you are no longer on maternity leave, while he looks for work.

Balderdashandpiffle · 15/09/2012 20:40

You had a business meeting, You 'tore him a strip'

You asked for his input, he gave it you, you didn't like it.

It doesn't sound to me like you can work together.

But it does sound like your the boss all round so sack him and tell him to get a job.

Original poster
ShavingPrimateRyan · 15/09/2012 20:42

No I tore the manager a strip not my husband and I asked my husband if he had any input on said manager's conduct and if he had any suggestions for improvement. He then ranted at me.
I agree we cant work together.

OP posts:
2girls2dogs · 15/09/2012 20:43

Sack the bastard

HecateHarshPants · 15/09/2012 20:45

Working with your spouse is very hard.

It requires the ability to totally seperate your two lives.

Me and my husband owned a care agency. He was the boss and I was the office manager.

He once gave me a formal verbal warning and threatened to fire me (I deserved it) and then we went home and had a snuggle on the sofa.

It is really really REALLY hard but it's the only way. You have to not be married while at work and not be boss and staff member when at home. And you cannot carry niggles from one environment into the other. We could have a major disagreement at home but we would leave it outside the office and then I'd pick it up when we got home Grin

If you guys can't do that - you can't work together. It will just all turn to crap.

Your husband also can't think he owns it cos he's married to you. You need to unblur the lines.

And by speaking to you like that and to buddy up with the manager - respect for you from the manager may have been lost. You're not the boss, you're the nagging wife.

Unacceptable. He needs to be reminded who his employer is.

squeakytoy · 15/09/2012 20:46

Did you work together before going on Mat Leave?

It doesnt sound like this meeting was done professionally by any of you to be honest.

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2012 20:46

Whether your "tore a strip" of your husband or manager, it sounds a bit unprofessional.

discrete · 15/09/2012 20:51

You certainly can't work together.

Personally what I would do is have a wife-to-husband conversation explaining that this is not working for you, it is not the way you wanted to run things and it needs to be addressed. Tell him you think it would be best if he looked for work elsewhere, and that you will take over running the business again.

Ask him what he proposes, and how he thinks things should be run. Give him a chance to engage, rather than doing it on a boss/employee basis on a first instance.

Although he is an employee, you presumably want to continue to have a relationship with him afterwards. Frankly, I would expect my bosses to have this chat with me informally first if there was a problem at work, before going a more formal route, so doubly so if it is family.

DoMeDon · 15/09/2012 20:53

YANBU to be upset but I agree with Squeaky - none of it was handled well. You and DH need to talk it through. If he hates it so much he should be looking elsewhere already anyway. Tearing someone off a strip doesn't sound like a professional way to handle a work issue to me, but I may be reading that wrong? Did you issue some sort of official warning?

GoldShip · 15/09/2012 20:53

I'd give the employee his final warning. On your own. With his rep if he wishes.

Then speak to yor husband, as his wife. Not an employer.

inabeautifulplace · 15/09/2012 20:56

If you sack him, you'll be the sole earner in the family. And you'll be paying childcare. And you'll be expecting your husband to get a job with the most recent two entries on his CV being jobs he was let go from....
Clearly you may struggle to work together, but I think your best move would be to sit down with him, agree that he doesn't like the job and make sure he finds something else before you take the reins again.

squeakytoy · 15/09/2012 20:59

I also think that the balance here is not going to improve. As you repeatedly said (and rightly I suppose) it is YOUR business, not the family business.

He wants to be an equal with you, not your employee.

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