the inlaws, dp and his ex.

[Rachog]

Sil has invited Mil and dp's ex round for the day. Dp went to drop dsd off with her mum at his sisters and has ended up staying to "do the garden". His mum asked him to drop her off rather than picking her up on the way.

I am.sat at home with our 9 week.old baby, our invite obviously lost in translation.

Mil has dsd several days and.nights a week but has only seen ds 3 times and the last of those was 5 weeks ago, when dp took him.down there, she won't come here despite being welcome. The only time she did come she ignored me completely not so much as a hello.

I am not the.other woman and didn't even meet dp until he and his ex had been split up 2 years.

So aibu to be annoyed that they are all up there enjoying the.sunshine like a happy family while we.are sat at home like we don't exist.

And stop bloody repeating everything i've said!

Nothing-just pointing forward a POV.

pointing forward??

putting forward, of course.

That's it outraged his nun has more control over his daughter than either him or his ex. She already stopped a 50 50 custody arrangment that he and ex arranged because it meant she wouldn't see dsd as much. Dp and ex were young when they had dsd and split up within months but Mil always offered to babysit etc and now ex relies in her as she will drop eberthing at a moments notice.

Bringbacksideburns - Mil and dp know how I feel as she deliberatly leaves me out. She hates me and we all know it.

It sounds like your DP is indebted to his Mum so can't really do much. He can encourage it, but if she won't change she won't change, and he doesn't have the option of cutting her out.

How come you used to get on with her? What happened when that stopped?

" She already stopped a 50 50 custody arrangment that he and ex arranged"

Well then they should put things back as they want them tbh and stop relying on MIL.

You are exactly.right diddl but ex knows that Mil will have her Dd whenever at short notice and for as long as she wants. Dp might be in work so can't drop everthing at a moments notice. Ex won't do anything to risk u
psetting her.

outraged we had a few disagreements about treating dsd equally, ie spending the same at Christmas, same rules etc and it came.to a head when.she rung dp giving him grief how dsd is his child not those other two. I told her all of our children get equal treatment and she will have to get used to it. Well she is not used to being told and took great offence. We haven't spoken since. That was 5 months ago.

It doesn't sound like you should have to, but if you made contact with her and apologised, would she be more prepared to see you?

That way you wouldn't feel unwelcome when your dp pops round there and you won't be stuck at home with the baby, your ds would get to see a Nan that has the potential to be a good Nan, as proved by her other GC, and you keep family harmony. Get your dp to be around when DSD and your DD and MIL are together, and make sure he does the disciplining so she can't have a go at you.

You might not want to do this of course, but it doesn't sound like you are enjoying the alternative either.

outraged I really really don't want to do that but I can see that it might be my only option. I just think I shouldn't have to and dp should tell his mum that she should make the effort towards ds that she does his Dd but he won't.

I think knowing his mum and how she feels he should have seen today for the set up it was and said he has plans and will do the garden another day.

I get that you shouldn't have to apologise, I really do.

He should have been able to see it as a set up, but whether he should have left is debatable. Do you think his Mum set it up with his sister, if it was her house they are at?

Even if it was a set up, it wasn't a bad set up for your DSD to be in, and your dp probably feels that too.

I guess your right about dsd seeing them getting along and I support that in stopping for a cuppa at drop off / pick up etc, there have been lots of times that we have been there and ex has turned up and stayed for an hour or even dp on his own. I just think all spending the day together and Mil deliberatly excluding me and ds is a bit inappropriate.

Well it sounds as if no one will risk upsetting her, therefore she´ll continue to do as she wants.

I have to say in this case-is it MIL who excluded you-it doesn´t sound like it to me.

That aside, if your partner knows how you feel-doesn´t he care?

Or just finds it easier to upset you rather than his mum?

How often does his daughter need childcare at a moments notice & is there an alternative?

Well ex asked Mil to pick up dsd on her way to sils, and she refused telling dp to drop her off instead, therefore making sure that dp and dsd were there. Maybe I am reading too much into it, I just know that she is very manipulative.

I think he just finds it easier to upset me than his mum. He won't ever pull her up on her behaviour, even when she point blank ignored me in my own home the day after I gave birth to ds, which is the only time she has made the effort to see him. Dp has taken ds to her twice but he is breastfed so it was difficult in the first weeks.

She reguarly needs childcare, she left dsd with Mil for 2 weeks after Christmas and didnnt see her at all. We had her some.of the time but we were.both in work at the time. another week in may while she went on a last min holiday with her friends and most recently a 3 week stretch while her mums marriage was.breaking up, she did visit dsd that time though, most days.

Is there any reason that DSD can't stay with you every time her mum has other plans? She is your DP's daughter after all.

Because until recently we both worked full time (i am now on mat leave) so we weren't around during the day. In the last few weeks she has been spending most of the week with us as ex hasn't put her in a school yet.