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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School related

32 replies

freddiefrog · 15/09/2012 13:22

Just 2 points which are relevant first - DH and I were recently approved as foster carers and DH is a governor at our children's school.

Very close to our school is a patch of wasteland. It's owned by the council, and used to be designated as community use, but it's never really been used for anything other than gangs of kids riding mini-motorbikes on and dog walking. It's never been properly turfed and used for football pitches or anything like that. The council were trying to sell it to a housing developer but have recently decided that they want to build a unit on it for educating children who have been expelled from schools for violence, severe behaviour problems, that sort of thing.

Our head and the majority of the school governors do not want it built there as they are worried about violent kids being on the loose near our school (which also has a pre-school and a sure start centre in the same grounds) so all hell has broken out with lots of slanging matches played out in the local press.

DH (& a few other governors) is of the opinion that such a unit is desperately needed and that they need to see the council's plans and how they plan to safeguard the existing school (they'll be sharing a boundary), and that the school and governing body should be engaging with the council rather than going off half cocked, straight in to battle mode.

We have a friend, who used to be head of a similar unit and DH asked him if he would mind coming into a governors meeting and talking to them about his experiences. DH had a meeting last night and this was no 1 topic of discussion, and DH mentioned our friend and that he'd offered to come to a meeting.

It all got a bit heated, culminating in the head saying in front of the entire board of governors

"of course (DH) wants the unit, now they're foster carers, they'll be making good use of it"

Now, A) to me, this comment implies a pretty unpleasant attitude towards kids in care/foster kids

and B) us being foster carers isn't public knowledge, I'm not secretive about it, but it's our business and we've not announced it to all and sundry. The head is privy from a professional point of view (because we've discussed what will happen if we need a school place urgently, and because he had to give us references during our assessment), and some of the governers do know as they're friends of ours, but I think it's completely out of order for him to use this private information to score cheap shots off DH during a discussion about the unit.

OP posts:
IamtheZombie · 15/09/2012 13:25

YANBU.

How utterly unprofessional of the head.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/09/2012 13:26

Shock YANBU (to whatever you were trying to ask)

Hassled · 15/09/2012 13:27

I would be absolutely livid. The breach of confidence, the insinuation that because a child is fostered he/she will end up in a behavioural unit/PRU, the refusal to consider meeting someone with experience/knowledge on the subject. And of course you're right - safeguarding measures will be put in place.

ThreeEdgedSword · 15/09/2012 13:27

What. A. Knob.

That's pretty much all I can say, just didn't want to read and run. It was totally unacceptable for him to do that.

Wine and Thanks for becoming foster carers!

Salmotrutta · 15/09/2012 13:29

The Head needs his knuckles rapping.

Was this meeting minuted at all? At the very least there will be witnesses.

The LEA might be interested .... just sayin'.

cansu · 15/09/2012 13:32

Yanbu. I honestly can't see how the school being built next to the primary will affect the school. We have such a unit just up from us. It is right next to a respite house for children with learning disabilities on one side and a Montessori nursery school on the other. You would not know it was there. The children are inside the school building being educated. They are not running around unsupervised. Why would they be? Think the head has a serious case of not in my back yard ism and is being very very unprofessional and prejudiced.

freddiefrog · 15/09/2012 13:32

outraged

Grin sorry, got all ranty and cross and forgot to get to the point.

WIBU to speak to the LEA about it?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 15/09/2012 13:33

Unprofessional and he's a twat. I've never had a foster child need one of those units, it's not a given and the Head should know that.

More importantly you won't need a place quickly (and twatty head will have no say) - you will get a place quickly and he will have to suck it up.

I've taken unreasonable offence at his attitude - maybe he just wanted to be mean to your DH as he's 'usurping' and getting 'uppity' and the twatty head is feeling territorial Wink

Sounds like your DH has done a great job getting someone in to talk about what it would really be like.

Pancakeflipper · 15/09/2012 13:33

I would furious. I hope it is minuted. And I hope the Head is in touch with you very soon to apologise. If its not minuted and no apology I would be putting in a complaint.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 13:35

This comment will of course have been recorded in the minutes

Therefore your DH should go through the correct complaint procedure.

I have to say (as the vice chair at my local primary) if I told my DH what had been said at a meeting and he splashed it across an internet forum, I would be very angry with him.

If he wants to complain about the Head's remark then he should do it.

RandomMess · 15/09/2012 13:35

Bloody Hell, how dare they!!!!

freddiefrog · 15/09/2012 13:35

aarggh! I can't use my phone properly Blush

I want to put in a proper complaint to the LEA and board of governors about

a) his attitude
b) his use of our private information

OP posts:
onedev · 15/09/2012 13:35

YANBU & I'd speak to the LEA.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 13:36

WIBU to speak to the LEA about it?

If you're not a Governor then yes YWBU.

If however the minutes are now in the public domain, YANBU.

FermezLaBouche · 15/09/2012 13:36

That is a disgraceful comment and I would formally complain to the CoG, regardless of DH's position on the governors.

My DM has single handedly set up such a centre for excluded pupils (and those at risk of exclusion) and I am a director of the company. Most of the pupils who attend simply weren't suited to the current education and sop, yes, did misbehave in lessons. Shame the people who are most ignorant of these units are the ones who seem to have the loudest voices.

freddiefrog · 15/09/2012 13:40

I don't think it would have been properly minuted, it was towards the end of a full meeting which had decended into an argument.

I haven't splashed anything apart from 1 comment on here with no identifying information, and in any case, the whole thing is currently being played out in the local press/and local news internet sites

I've taken real offence at his attitude towards foster children and gun-ho offence towards our private information that I am so angry I'm not sure I've lost perspective

OP posts:
Tanith · 15/09/2012 13:40

YANBU and I would have serious reservations in trying to place a looked-after child in his school if that's his attitude.

I'd like to say he's a unique twat; unfortunately I can't, having heard of another head holding forth about being blackmailed into taking one of these children and messing up his nice school. Hmm

Unless it's the same head, of course...

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 13:40

Oh I've just realised the meeting was last night.

In that case YWBU to complain about something that was said at a private meeting if you're not a Governor.

Either wait until it becomes public, or let your DH and the other governors complain if they're angry about it.

Although I would imagine they would have immediately called him to task on his comment during the meeting anyway.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 13:43

If the whole thing is being played out in the press, your thread will be identifiable by many local people.

If the comment wasn't minuted, and you've claimed through second hand information that he made the comment, you could get your DH into trouble.

Why isn't your DH doing anything about this seeing as he is the Governor?

IawnCont · 15/09/2012 13:45

But Worra the head disclosed to the governors a matter that was private to the OP and a select few... And did it in a disgusting way. YANBU at all OP... I am Shock and Angry

IawnCont · 15/09/2012 13:47

And the OP is anonymous here, no?

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 13:49

I'm not saying what the Head did is right...or course it's not and it's extremely unprofessional.

But in not tackling the Head during the meeting about this, the Governors were being unprofessional too.

Then there's the fact that IMO (fwiw) the OP's Husband should be complaining to the LA about the Head.

I wonder why he hasn't/isn't?

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 13:51

And the OP is anonymous here, no?

Given the information is in her local press, she'll go down as 1 out of maybe 13 or so people married to a Governor at the school.

Then you can whittle it right down to someone who has been approved to foster once it becomes public knowledge.

That is why I would be angry with my DH if he started this thread.

freddiefrog · 15/09/2012 13:57

DH got home from the meeting at about 10pm last night and has gone camping early this morning with our kids so hasn't had a chance yet. We'll discuss it properly tomorrow night and he'll act on Monday.

I'm anonymous, the information I've posted could be about a school anywhere in the country

It may have been a private meeting, but the head has disclosed my private information to all and sundry at a governors meeting

YANBU and I would have serious reservations in trying to place a looked-after child in his school if that's his attitude.

Yes, I am after last night

OP posts:
ben5 · 15/09/2012 13:58

I would be very upset. my parents used to be foster parents, esp when I was younger but I don't remember any of them.They used to foster kids whos parents had to have emergengy hospital appt, forces families ( again if either parent was away serving and the stay at home parent needed medical treatment, my mum and dad became short stay foster carers).
Think what I'm trying to say is that not all kids come with baggage and are 'normal'. Speak to LEA about heads breach of privacy.
Well done you for being foster parents

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