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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kissing on the lips

44 replies

Suzietastic · 15/09/2012 09:54

I had a friend over last night, she's lovely, we get on really well but something she said bothered me a bit. When my 8 year old DD went to bed she came and gave me a kiss and it was on the lips. I didn't really give it a lot of thought but my friend suggested that kissing her on the lips was maybe something I should stop doing 'because of her age'.

Is it?

OP posts:

CanIOfferYouAPombear · 15/09/2012 14:58

I don't kiss many people on the lips, just my sister, parents DP and DS.
I'd carry on doing it until your dd says otherwise. It really ain't a big deal

Elizabeth267 · 15/09/2012 14:59

I kiss on the lips though. It's notlike there were tongues. Could understand that!

Faxthatpam · 15/09/2012 15:02

Elizabeth possibly the wrong thread?

OP - NOOOOOOO!!! please don't stop. Your friend is not just odd but rude too. Kissing your children is a very good thing at any age. Your DD is a lucky girl.

lisaro · 15/09/2012 15:22

Your friend obviously has some sort of issue, she should be old enough to keep it to herself. I think it's very sad for her. I still kiss all mine on the lips, and to be fair, my middle son was a bit of an enthusiastic 'tongue-er' when he was very small. Thankfully he's stopped now

runamile · 15/09/2012 16:03

My family never kissed on the lips - my mother actively discouraged it - and so I don't with my own children. I don't think it's necessary.

YouOldSlag · 15/09/2012 16:22

I think it's great that my children (2 and 6) kiss me and DH on the lips. They'll grow out of it in their own time at their own pace. OP your friend is bonkers to see anything but innocent love in that.

However, I do feel a bit ick when I see MIL kiss my DH and her DBro on the lips. They are 46 and 59 respectively. I just can't enjoy looking at it.

LydiasMiletus · 15/09/2012 18:27

Your friend has issues. Ds (18 months) went round the whole family today with kisses on lips, ages from 57 - 8.

balia · 15/09/2012 18:31

I can barely bring myself to use tongues with my DH!

Brilliant Suzietastic Spat wine on keyboard laughing.

Why don't we have a smiley for that?

catgirl1976 · 15/09/2012 18:52

Another one saying your friend is odd

Very odd

thebeesnees79 · 15/09/2012 18:55

I was never kissed by my parents on the lips but I do kiss my two children on the lips.
Its not odd or weird at all they are your children and your flesh and blood. your friend is bloody weird for suggesting its a problem

Whatdoiknowanyway · 15/09/2012 21:04

Or maybe she aware that it is a route to incest in some families. My grandad kissed me on the lips. He was a lovely, pillar of the community, family man. Seriously. He was amazing.
He also abused me. I could never tell anyone because they all had the attitudes shown on this thread.
Beware of being so smug. It CAN be something else. It was in my case and I suffer from it to this day.

GoldenSeptember · 15/09/2012 22:10

Very sad for you Whatdo but just because your abuser kissed you on the lips, does not in any way mean that family members kissing on the lips can be generalised as a sign of abuse.

My DD (9) still wants to kiss on the lips and would also do all sorts of wiffly ear snogging kind of stuff if allowed, which she finds hilarious. I deflect it where I can. DP hates it and always manages to dodge - it makes him very uncomfortable. Her dad is much more indulgent of the wiffling business but tries not to kiss her on the lips.

A friend of DD who is always here (8 yrs old and autistic) is a very enthusiastic kisser. You have to be very, very quick to turn the other cheek to the full-on sloppy smacker on the lips. 99% of the time I manage, but there's still the occasional surreptitious frantic wiping of the lips afterwards when I'm covered in child-slobber.

FatFaced · 15/09/2012 22:25

Careful, OP. You might turn her into a lezza.

Whatdoiknowanyway · 15/09/2012 22:42

GoldernSeptember
No, it doesn't mean that, but my point is that every adult in my family laughed off any concern about kissing on the lips. Which meant that I had no where to go with my worries. To this day I bet none of them would easily accept what happened as I never told them. Just be wary of smug certainties, that's all I'm saying. You think you're sure there is no problem. My mum was certain there could never be a problem. There was. Her dad.

hugandroll · 15/09/2012 22:49

I kiss my 4yo ds1 on the lips, my 19wo ds2 on the lips, my 22yo step sister on the lips and my dh if he's lucky . Never kissed my parents on the lips but still kiss both on the cheeks and tell my mum I love her every time we speak on the phone. Kiss my friends on the cheek, kisses are a sign of affection, not sexual unless with tongues.

bubalou · 15/09/2012 23:09

your friend is very odd?

Both myself & DH kiss DS aged 4 on the lips - Im 26 & kiss both my mum & sister like this too.

Maybe we're the odd ones.

Faxthatpam · 15/09/2012 23:47

Whatdo - what happened to you is a terrible thing, just unimaginable really, and that you never spoke about it to your family must be so hard for you to bear.

The OP is talking about kissing her own daughter goodnight on the lips. She knows there is nothing there but innocent love for her daughter. That's all. Her question is about whether what her friend said is what most people think, or not.

lovebunny · 15/09/2012 23:49

kiss on the lips as long as it feels natural and comfortable.

OwedToAutumn · 16/09/2012 00:04

Whatdo, your mother may well have known he was a problem. My aunt was in her 30s, I would say, when she told the family she had been sexually abused by her older brother. It was only then that her mother (my grandmother) was able to say that she had been sexually abused by her own brother.

OP, your friend is weird. Unless, of course, there is something sexual going on between you and your daughter, in which case, you are weird.

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