to want my husband to have this operation?

[LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops]

DH collapsed last week. It would appear he has a hernia. He is SAHD for our DCs, 1 and 3. It hurts him quite a lot and he's struggling to do things that he could usually do, obviously lifting the children is the biggest one. He wants to wait for the Christmas holidays to have the surgery, so that I can be at home with the kids while he recovers. I think he should have it now and we'll find someone to help with the kids. We're in asia, child care is cheaper here.

AIBU to insist?

YANBU

Why is he being a martyr?

Is he scared?

I don't think he's scared, just trying to be practical with regard to child care. We haven't been here long, kids are settling in etc.

Well then. Get childcare, he will be there to supervise, have the op, job's a goodun.

If you can sort out suitable child care YANBU.

He's BU if he seriously wants to martyr himself until Christmas, then have the op so you have DC, bed-ridden recovering H and Christmas to deal with on your Chistmas holiday.

He will be at home pretty quickly I would have thought so he can supervise, read books, and be there if not being active......I would get it done asap, what happens if he collapses again with only both dc there and he bangs his head?

Yanbu also if he leaves it longer is there any chance it could get worse , therefore recovery time longer?

It's only a day op. And yes, it may well get worse.

Get it done. My dp had one of those hernias in the groin.Had a day op, was off for a week before returning to work.

YANBU, he will still be there for the children, if you can get someone to do the physical stuff. You don't want him laid up over chirstmas.

I think that if left it could get gangrene - but I might be wrong.

YANBU. 3 months is a long time to be suffering with that, and he won't be fully able to look after the kids in that time.

Maybe you should google some pictures of infected hernias, show him what can happen in order to encourage him to make the right decision.

Tell him to get it done now, not wait and
a) risk it with day to day chores, plus pain
b) selfishly spoil Christmas break

Had one 25+ years ago and had hosp stay at that time. Just no stairs when home for 72 hours.

The hernia op can sometimes be done as a day case! He is young and will recover quickly, he should have the op sooner rather than later
,

Wow. YADNBU. He's in pain, and needs an operation. You want him fixed.

You can afford to have additional childcare, he'd get the rest he needs AND you could share the parenting equally over Christmas with a DH who will probably have fully recovered by that time.

It's a no-brainer right? Can you gas him with chloroform and drive him to the hospital??? (not really)

Get him to get it done quickly. My friend had a hernia and due to the NHS waiting list policies, took ages to get it operated on, which meant it got worse, caused him more pain, and involved a more complicated operation too.

Ask him what you and the children are supposed to do if it strangulates and he dies? that might wake him up to himself. (not that for one SECOND I think it will, God forbid! but it might make him think a bit instead of playing the martyr for no reason)

If there is a childcare college nearby then the students might need some practical experience. I had a student for a couple of terms when they were 1 to 3. Could be just enough help for him to recuperate.

Yanbu he needs to be operated on asap.