To hate my job

[ofcourseichanged]

I went to the toilet to have a little cry today. I am a single parent with one child, and after a long time trying I found a job to suit my situation. The pay is really good, the conditions are great and the work is ok. However my natural and hard fought for career is not possible as a single parent and it is so different to what I do now. The thoughts of doing this for the rest of my career is too sobering for a Friday night.

I've never worked in a large organisation before, now I'm leading a team in a massive organisation. I have no experience in 'leading'-I am not a manager, I just make sure that the team do what the managers want.

The only people I see on a regular basis are the people I supervise, I'm not a tyrant- probably the opposite but I'm so lonely as the people that I supervise are the people I interact with regularly.

This means that come break times and lunchtimes I'm on my own. I feel like the only person in the world that hates the idea of going on a break at work. I see people in the canteen at work sitting on their own, I say hello get the subtle but clear message that they are quite happy eating on their own.

For the past week or so I was having lunch with a team mate then twice this week they 'left me' to celebrate their birthday. I kind of thought that seeing that I knew all of the people involved both times I could have been asked. I am so hurt. I have been in this job for the past 4 months now- Shouldn't I feel a bit more comfortable in this job now?

Why do I feel like a child in the playground and abandoned?

I really, really think it will get better. You've got the shitty end of all sticks right now, a toddler so you can't properly pursue a social life outside work, and in work you're fairly new and in a large company for the first time.

One thing about large companies though, they sometimes have clubs and activities going on that you might be able to get involved in. Look on noticeboards and ask around, maybe? In a big international firm where I used to work there was quite a lot of charity stuff going on and people would get together and hold cake sales, book sales etc, and there were a couple of sports clubs too.

Sports and social we had, don't write it off yet. I took ages to settle some places but I've always made a good friend or two in a big office.

It will get better. Leading a large team is quite a challange. It took me over 2 years before I felt truly comfortable.

Take time to speak to them all individually and get to know them. Then you have things you can talk with them about - their hobbies, interests, children, pets etc.
Ask for their views when you've identified a problem. How would they solve it makes them feel involved and consulted. It's not a weakness to do so.

If all else fails bring in tins of Roses and Heroes - never fails

'If all else fails bring in tins of Roses and Heroes - never fails'

What a great idea! Chocolate is a brilliant ice breaker.

(hero/rogue/madman apply in equal measures madbus. I'm in love with the idea of him, he'd have made for a great AIBU thread in RL )

I have no experience in 'leading'-I am not a manager

Staff have to do what their manager tells them to however staff can chose whether or not to follow a leader.

You have to make them want to follow you.

Being a leader and being a manager are very different things.

Leadership is about getting the right environment for your to function, challenging poor processes, finding better ways of working, setting and communicating the vision, promoting team cohesiveness etc etc etc. Far too many things to list hear but all pretty much intangible compared to managment, which is about setting objectives / targets and ensuring they are met.

You can be friendly with your team. I am. We constantly josh but they know that ultimately, I'm in charge and respect that. It's a very difficult balancing act.

Hang on in there.

correction - 'here', I can spell - honestly (even after 3 glasses of )

Can you extend an invitation? At breaktime casually say to one of your team 'shall we all go and grab a coffee?'. They maybe don't like to ask as you are supervisor and it may be seen as 'sucking up'? Are there other people on the same managerial level as you that you can try and meet up with? Hope the loneliness grows less

I know it would be great if you had friends at work - it's your time without your DS, you could have a bit of adult conversation, a gossip and a chat...

But it is work - and realistically if you were lower down the chain you'd get less cash. It is the case it's lonely being the manager sometimes. Four months isn't really that long in a job either. And often you need to wait for someone you click with to join the company!

In the mean time, what you're saying is you're lonely and you need adult conversation. Of course you do... How much support do you have from family etc, could you join a babysitting agency / book group / catch up with old friends with children at the weekend?

OP there are gazillions for books oujt there around leadership (as opposed to management)

I really advise you get one, they speak sense and you can develop some new practices

again, you should be very pruod of yourself

hang on in there xx