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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIU to force ds to take medicine? Feel awful about it.

88 replies

RoadrunnerMeepMeep · 14/09/2012 21:02

DD 6 has chest infection and been prescribed penicillin. At 6pm she refused to take it saying it made her feel sick, me and dh tried explaining how would make her better, she wouldn't get better without it etc. We tried bribing with ice cream, said we'd have to take her back to dr and he would make her take it, tried mixing it with juice so she would drink it that way but nothing. She flat out refused. An hour later I was ready to hold and force it down her throat which sounds awful I know but don't see what other choice there was? Either make her drink it or forget about having any medicine?

Dh wasn't keen on this anyway so he spent another hour trying to talk her into taking it. By 8pm I said to dh that I wasn't trying to be mean but that she'd had plenty of time and encouragement to take it so now wasn't going to mess around any more. Dh held her while I tipped it down her throat. She freaked out but only for about 2 mins, then she cuddled for a bit with us then went to bed with no problems. And she had medicine. However I feel like absolute shit for having to force her to take medicine and dh didn't help, afterward he said how horrible it was and he couldn't do that again. I felt really awful forcing her but can't help thinking I was being cruel to be kind. What does everyone else think? Was I being unreasonable/the worlds worst parent?

OP posts:
WicketyPitch · 15/09/2012 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Disappearing · 15/09/2012 00:57

YWNBU, and you have my sympathies, I've had to do exactly that, several times. Also, now that you've started the course of antibiotics you have no option but to carry on. As others have suggested, bribery (reward) might help you all feel better about it.

The extra fussing by your DH sounds like it was unhelpful.

Longtalljosie · 15/09/2012 04:52

YANBU and your DH needs to toughen up - he didn't help. If she saw him wavering it made it easier for her not to give in and take it.

These are antibiotics, you don't piss about with them or you either develop a nastier infection or you become resistant to them.

They're so commonly taken these days I think people are in danger of not treating them with enough respect.

The next dose needs to be bang on time, and with a united front from both of you.

If I were you I'd get some sweeties for afterwards as a reward. Usual rules about rewarding with food don't apply in these sorts of situations...

MumofWombat · 15/09/2012 08:52

My almost 17mth old DS has taken medicine 3 times a day since he was 1 day old. To put it bluntly - it keeps him alive.
Normally he is excellent about taking it, but when he doesn't we have forced him. And whilst at the time I feel dreadful, I know that I have to do it, and that I will do it again if I need to.
Other tricks we have found are to use the teat of a babies bottle, squirt some milk/juice in and then as they take that continue with the medicine quickly followed by some more milk/juice. Although I guess this works better for smaller babies!
We give him lots and lots of praise for taking it well and hopefully we will continue to find ways of encouraging him to take it well. So YANBU.

exoticfruits · 15/09/2012 08:59

Put it this way-when they are adults they will be pleased you did the right thing-I can just imagine them saying 'but you were the adult-how could you be so wet that you couldn't get me to take it?'
It is like cleaning teeth-they may not like it but they have no choice-teeth will be cleaned.

toptramp · 15/09/2012 09:04

You did the rght thing. Horrid but necessary.

BlueCanary · 15/09/2012 09:05

YWNBU OP, and your DH needs to get a grip.

I once had to pin my DD down in the dentists when she was having a tooth out (in hindsight should have gone for GA not local, but we had passed point of no return). It was HORRIFIC! Tortured screams, kicking and wriggling... just awful. I was shaking for days hours after.

But it had to be done. On one hand I felt like the worst mother ever, but also felt proud that I had done what was needed.Dd got over it a lot quicker than I did, that's for sure.

SoggySummer · 15/09/2012 09:12

How awful for you. My 11yo can still be a mardy madam when it comes to taking tablets or medicine.

Sadly she learnt the very very hard way and so did I as a mother. I didnt force her to take her medicine thinking it was an every day infection and that she would probably be ok. I did the forcing it once ad felt as crap as you did now so didnt force her again.
48 hours later she ended up in hospital very seriously ill and on IV anti biotics for 10 days as they could not get a hold on an infection. She ended up in a right state on such a high dose she was vomiting left right and centre and then having anti sickness drugs and extra drips to get fluid into her. She was like a pin cushion and literally out of it for 10 days!

I now remind her that if she does not take her medicine she could end up like a pin cushion and back in hospital, she moans and rolls her eyes etc but generall will take it. She likes to be in control, so I measure it then hand it to her to take.

GoAndDoSomeWork · 15/09/2012 09:26

We have gone through same with dd who is 6 and has had at least three courses of anti-biotics. last year she ended up on two different yuk antibiotics at same time.

Have found that making up a chart of all the doses required helped us keep track and her to see when it was all going to end. Let her put a sticker on after each dose and asked her to choose a treat for when treatment finished so she has something to aim for. Also ask pharmacist for an oral syringe - you can squirt down side of mouth or measure into spoon in smaller doses so it doesn't all get spilled when they push it away.

We also had a special bag of chocolates that were exclusively for anti-biotic taking which she had one of when taken (regardless of how nicely!). Found eventually she preferred to control it going into her own mouth and used the syringe herself. Also drink of milk afterwards seemed to help clear taste.
We also found it helped if she understood the reason the medicine and explaining that the bacteria will keep multiplying if you don't kill them all seemed to help getting her to finish course. We found some clips on you tube of bacteria multiplying which she loved watching.

Good luck and stay strong - you are being a good mother getting her to take her anti-biotics and completing the course.

BartletForTeamGB · 15/09/2012 09:40

"just offer it tell her about its importance and leave it as that, if she goes down hill in a dangerous manner she will recive medical attention, but I can assure you that on the whole children will bounce back from many serious infections and my dd is living proof of that and that is the advice I have been given from any dr. when I have discussed my dds refusal to take medicine."

I have never, never, never heard a doctor give this advice! This sounds bonkers! OP, you did the right thing.

GothAnneGeddes · 15/09/2012 09:40

O.P YANBU. You need to nip this in the bud.

I would be v brisk and say "Let's do this quickly so that we can do ..."

Be clear that she gets one chance to take it herself and then you will make her and you will do this because you don't want her to get really ill.

If she's been good lavish her with praise.

If DH is crap, send him out before you start and be clear that he is not to interfere.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 15/09/2012 11:43

we are talking about anti biotics not life enhancingt medication and yes that is the advice my gp and 2 others at the practice along with an out of hours doctors. this was not my dd refusing medication on a whim this was when she was extremely poorly on more than one occassions and they monitoring her for hospitalisation and as it happened when she whent down hill she was to ill to refuse and so the doses that I then manged to get in to her did make her better. I dont think it is neccessary to physically force medication on a child if thier lives are not compromised. It is an over use of force and power.

Just because you have never heard a dr give this advice that does not mean it has never been given out. I bet if the OP was to conatct the Gp he would say dont bother physically forcing her if it is distressing.

Sirzy · 15/09/2012 11:50

I agree that doctors advise sounds rediculously stupid, why would risk them needing more than oral antibiotics at home rather than make them take the medicine?

Ds loves being in hopsital so the "if you don't take it you will end up back in hopsital" type conversation doesn't work but I have no qualms about forcing him to take things when he refuses and have when he has been in hopsital had numerous drs and nurses help with this when needed as the alternative of IV is one everyone wants to avoid.

scaevola · 15/09/2012 11:51

Antibiotics are the single biggest life-saving medicine there has ever been.

If you choose not to give them at all, the that's fine. But if you embark on a course, for heavens sake finish it as no-one wants to see greater rises in the number of resistant bacteria and trivial conditions once again becoming killers.

OP: hope it goes down better today.

MmeLindor · 15/09/2012 11:51

The issue here isn't your DD. It is your DH.

Does he always undermine your decisions?

If she has a chest infection then she has to take the antibiotics. There should be no discussion about this.

Would he prefer that she ends up in hospital with pneumonia?

Narked · 15/09/2012 11:52

That is the most idiotic advice I've ever seen on here. And I've seen a lot

Narked · 15/09/2012 11:56

But I suppose what else could doctors, as professionals, say to a parent who is wasting their time moaning that their DC won't take their medicine rather than just dealing with it. They can hardly say stop whining and act like an adult FFS can they?

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 15/09/2012 11:56

sobeit if you feel it is idiotic but that still does not uindermine my experience, there is conflicting advice all over the place. I would like to see your proof it is idiotic. My advice is anecdotel based on my esxperience and my opinion and advice I have recived in the past. It is different to yours but not idiotic, it has the same subsdtance as any other advice on this thread, it is just different to yours. But of course Im sure the Op knows that the advice she should seek if she has real concerns are that of her GP and not anyone on this thread.

IloveJudgeJudy · 15/09/2012 11:58

We have had the same with DD in the past. There was just no discussion. Either she took it willingly immediately or we forced her to take it, either with a syringe in the side of the mouth when she was smaller or hold the nose and throw it down the throat. We did do bribery, too, as DS1 (18) always reminds me now. I don't remember, but she got some spaceship sweets for taking medicine and he got nothing as he never made a fuss!

How has her taking the rest of the course been, Roadrunner?

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 15/09/2012 11:59

i have had to do this too. tired hiding it in milk and yogurt (suggested by dr), used a syringe makes it a little easier but often have to hold ds down with force, it is not nice but he had to take it

MmeLindor · 15/09/2012 12:04

ET
Many posters have stated that they forced their DC to take medicines, without any adverse effects.

Your DD may have developed anxiety issues because of this, or she may have already had a tendency to anxiety and this was the 'trigger' as such.

To suggest that it is generally preferable not to force children to take antibiotics, risking an escalation of the illness is not sensible.

Aside from the distress this would cause the child, it would be highly irresponsible to misuse the NHS because we parents were not willing to exert our authority over our child.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 15/09/2012 12:08

There is nothing not sensible about it. I disagree that forcing medicine is what the OP should have done but she should go to her GP to look for alternatives. I have never suggested she should just not force it and not seek any medical advice or montitoring, that would not be very sensible.

Narked · 15/09/2012 12:12

Yes. Waste doctors time and risk the infection developing, risking serious (and some irreversible) complications, because 'forcing medicine' is bad.

MmeLindor · 15/09/2012 12:14

The problem with your advice, ET is that it is Sat morning. Should the OP wait till Monday (or later in the week till she can get an appt with her GP)?

Two days can be a long time with a chest infection. Why risk it when the alternative is two minutes of crying and then on with the day?

WofflingOn · 15/09/2012 12:14

I agree with honesty, bribery, looking at alternatives where possible and all the other negotiations, but when push comes to shove the child takes their medication even if I have to hold them down and make them.
Mine are now 17 and 21 and bare no ill feelings, I've just asked DS and he agrees that if you need the medication it is non-negotiable.