To think that when people post "of course I don't mean those with special needs"

[BumptiousandBustly]

They are purely saying it to prevent a flaming, not because they ever consider that the actual people they are judging might have special needs or being dealing with kids with special needs?

Depends on the thread.

Sorry, should be "or be dealing with kids with special needs"

You can't generalise like that, but I would have thought that the majority of times it is said its to acknowledge that some people/children have different challenges that make certain things more understandable.

It's probably also to prevent other posters giving boring predictable answers like 'they might have has SN', which is what usually happens if you don't make the disclaimer.

There are just loads of them twisty - Why do the parents talk to the teacher, why does the parent talk loudly to the child, performance parenting etc.

I just feel that non of these people ever actually stand watching the situtation and think - "maybe that child has special needs, maybe the parents are just doing their best in this situation." They just throw it out there afterwards to placate those of us who come on and say - hang on, what about Special needs.

A poster the other day actually said something like - "now I will get flames, special needs YADA, YADA, YADA!

And don't even get me started on the performance parenting threads, they just make me want to cry - some of us HAVE to parent loudly, and it might sound all sorts of things to you, like pushy, and showoffy, and loud - but just maybe there are reasons for that. Like if I don't engage DSs attention - he might run in front of traffic - and that might be why I am playing spelling games with him, LOUDLY, not because I want you to think I am the best mother in the world.

I might be talking to DS about how he likes to eat WASABI PEAS - that is because his taste buds don't work properly, NOT because I want you to think I have the most advanced child in the world!

It's because of the amount of threads where the op describes someone doing something unreasonable gets the response of "yabu to judge , they might have sn" and then get a kicking for something hypothetical which percentage wise is unlikely to be relevant

Probably elements of both. I think people are often more aware of saying it on mn than they would in rl,because in rl you know who is listening & on mn you don't want to offend. It can't be a bad thing that it actually enters their consciousness though.

Outraged - that is exactly what i mean "boring predictable answers like they might have SN!" instead of thinking like that, why not actually try and think - they MIGHT have special needs! (WHICH IS NEITHER BORING NOR PREDICTABLE)

i see loads on here example "im not talking about the sick ,disabled,carers,chinese,somalians,elderly,lesbians,gays,single parent" and thousands of others

yes of course they dont want a flaming

were all aware of the having to be pc otherwise it turns into a massive fight

but also prevents from any decent discussion as if your opinion differrs from most your set upon

now ive read my response back and i actually dont think ive answered your ??? op but im posting this anyway

YANBU

But the fact that they have written it clearly shows that they have considered that there might be SN, therefore it doesn't need to be pointed out by other posters. That's kind of the point of writing it

mayorquimby - but you can't know that - my DS has hidden special needs and there is no way for other people to have a clue - but often I do things that are described on the performance parenting threads - but because I HAVE to, not because I am a performance parent.

DS is probably percentage wise unlikely too!

Icelollycraving - I don't think it does enter their consciousness though - I think they are doing it to stop being flamed, but they don't think its actually really a possibility at all.

Outraged - but again, i don't think it does - they just say it to stop debate, and to stop SN parents coming on and saying hang on, what about me. But I bet you, in the situation they are commenting on, when it was happening, they never stopped and thought - hang on, maybe this child has special needs!

and after reading responses ive totally read the thread wrong,apologies op its been a long week

thekidsrule - thats ok - I am sure you had a valid point too

I think you may be being a little over sensitive. I very much doubt anyone would write something to stop debate, but they might well write something to try and direct the debate onto the point they are trying to make instead of having it derailed into a discussion about SN. I have seen that happen frequently, and then the original point just disappears because no one wants to offend parents of children who have SN.

You're right. Most people don't automatically take it into consideration when they see something that they think is performance parenting or what have you.

I certainly don't.

I admit it. I'm not that constantly, 24/7/365 PC. I see. I judge. I move on.

Sorry. I'm only human and SNs are not on my radar since I don't have a SN child.

If that makes me a horrible human, then so be it.

outraged - OK, I think thats a fair point - these things can get derailed, and there are points to make about behaviour where its not SN, its just bad behaviour - I guess I just wish I felt like they had actually thought about it as a possibility, even if they conclude that it isn't that IYSWIM?

Good question. I don't know why people do it especially as it won't stop people flaming you if they feel like it.

I do see what you're saying.

Actually Mumsnet has made me MUCH more aware and tolerant when I see children displaying 'bad' behaviour than I used to be. So I do often think 'maybe they have SN'.

Well it is hard to say,probably some & some. I don't blame anyone for not wanting a flaming,although they can brighten up a dull topic.
I probably hadn't really considered lots of different things in life before reading about them on mn. Mn is educational!

People come rushing in asking why you haven't considered that the child might be SN if you don't put in the disclaimer.

God not saying sn are a dull topic,shit shit shit

NFK - I think there is a real difference considered thought about the child/behaviour etc and a big rant and then stuck on the end "Of course I don't mean those with special needs!"

cinnamonnut - yes but thats my point - have they actually considered it, or have they just put the disclaimer on to stop people rushing in, without actually having thought about it as a possibility at all?

Proudnscary - thankyou, and that is really nice to hear.

Icelollycraving - I didn't take it that way