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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

26yo Db can't get a day job - kick him out or support him?

31 replies

Honesttodog · 14/09/2012 15:31

My bro is a dj. He gets about 1 gig a month, plus does bits of music production which brings in about 50-100 quid a time. His djing doesn't make enough for him to live on or pay the rent, so my parents pay rent And top up where necessary. He hasn't paid rent in over a yr.

My parents bought him a flat which is an investment for them, and they recently did it up, so it looks lovely.

I feel my pArents should kick him out of the flat so he is forced to find his own place, pay rent and do any job he cAn. He tells us he is constantly applying for jobs but he hasn't really worked at all in the past few months, just a few wks of contract work here and there. We feel he is disregarding menial jobs and cherry picking what he applies for when he should be doing everything possible to bring in a wage...

I spoke to my mum about this today and she's agreed with me. Now I'm really worried that moving out of his flat will destroy his music career as he'll have no space for his decks, records and other equipment...

Shd my parents keep supporting him? I feel the job situation is so bad in London , it's hard to know if he is genuinely being rejected all the time or not trying hard enough, tho we su spect the latter. I am worries that if we have a THIS IS IT type chat hwith him he will sever all ties or stop speaking to me. I love him so much, just don't understand why he can't or won't work!

OP posts:

ClippedPhoenix · 14/09/2012 15:36

It sounds as if it's because he doesn't really feel he has to. If he's chosen a career that is hard to get into etc. then he should have another job to suppliment this.

DJ's work mostly at night don't they?

Sallyingforth · 14/09/2012 15:38

He's taking the piss isn't he. Doing a very part-time 'job' that would be a hobby/ fun thing for most people.
But I'm not sure it's you who should be having the talk. It's really between him and his parents.

Original poster

Honesttodog · 14/09/2012 15:41

My dad is not very su pportive to mymumand dm is going nuts trying to help him and figure out what to do, so I'm trying to support her. We are all very close.

OP posts:

honeytea · 14/09/2012 15:42

I'm not sure why it is your business?

Original poster

Honesttodog · 14/09/2012 15:43

He says he is trying to find a job, applying for jobs but not getting them. What to do if he can't seem to get work?

OP posts:

Original poster

Honesttodog · 14/09/2012 15:45

Because My dm is pulling her hair out trying to figure out what to do and is tired of supporting him. She's asked ny advice and I've given it to her.

OP posts:

honeytea · 14/09/2012 15:50

I think it's hard to give impartial advice when your brother is getting supported so much by your patents, if you were your dm's friend it might be easier but really your parents need to be parents and deal with this themselves. I would be really annoyed if my siblings were having a say over what my parents should do regarding me.

It does sound like your db is at best immature and at worst lazy, could your mum get him to work for the rent? Cleaning, gardening? As for his music career it cant be that promising if he only has 1 gig a month. A full time job wouldn't interfere with his 1 gig.

Original poster

Honesttodog · 14/09/2012 16:06

He has been applying for jobs but he is not getting them. I am asking for suggestions of whether he should be supported because job market is so shit right now or whether he should just be forced to go it alone and if that doesn't work out he should have to move home.

OP posts:

Naoko · 14/09/2012 16:14

So you want your parents to kick him out of the flat because they have to support him to live in it, so that he'll have to move home where they'll still have to support him? I'm really not sure what that'll achieve other than make your DB feel like shit. Do you not like him very much?

I don't know your DB, so I don't know if he's not trying hard enough. I do know, however, that a substantial proportion of my similarly aged friend group is unemployed despite their very best efforts to change that, so it is entirely possible that he is actually constantly being rejected through no fault of his own. He is applying for jobs and not getting them. I'm not sure what else you want from him.

Naoko · 14/09/2012 16:15

Hrm. On rereading that sounded arsier than I intended it, where's an edit function when I want one....I do understand why you're worried, but you really are being very harsh, and I just don't see what kicking him out would achieve at all.

honeytea · 14/09/2012 16:16

Well it's not like he is going to be homeless. Is he claiming JSA or anything like that?

CaliforniaLeaving · 14/09/2012 16:23

DJing is his hobby right now and until he gets much much more work he needs to go by McDonalds and fund his own life.
My 18 year old has only been in the UK for 8 weeks, he has managed to find some restaurant/pub work within walking distance of the house so it's not impossible. It takes applying and being the squeaky wheel till they interview you.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 16:25

In your parents position, I would be asking for proof of jobs applied for and rejections. There is work in London, you just can't be picky about what you do and you have to sell yourself well. Your db thinks he can get away with doing nothing but bum around on some decks because he always has done in the past.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 16:26

Your parents should also be aware that this property will not be an asset to them if it is not being maintained, and they should either be all to do that through rent from your db, or have an arrangement with him where he pays for any maintenance. If its not well maintained, it will become a liability, not an asset.

AnnaFender · 14/09/2012 16:41

I think you should stay well out of it! You say that you think they should kick him out and told your parents as much, and then your worried that if he is kicked out he won't have anywhere for his decks and music stuff and will be angry with you Well tbh I would be angry at my brother if he were sticking his nose into finances between me and my parents.

As it stands my brother is at home, refusing to work except for dodgy cash in hand work, pays next to nothing in rent and my mum swings between kicking him out and letting him stay. I keep out of it and have a good relationship with both.

geegee888 · 14/09/2012 16:48

So they bought him a flat and not you, and by doing so basically condoned his lack of career and life planning. If his hobby isn't making him a living, then he should be doing everything possible to get a paying job or an education. What kind of man is he going to be when he is older, with no experience of the workplace? And shame on your parents for showing such favouritism.

tbh if you say nothing, then who is?

How can the flat have been bought as an investment, if he doesn't pay rent? They will have to pay Captial Gains Tax on it if and when they sell, since its never been their main residence, they won't get any taper relief. Not much of an investment.

solidgoldbrass · 14/09/2012 16:56

It is really difficult to get a job at the moment. It's even more difficult to get one that pays anything like a living wage, with any kind of guarantee - there are plenty of 'jobs' that are zero-hours contracts, no security, all sorts of loopholes that mean they pay less than the minimum wage etc, and I do not think it's unreasonable for people to refuse to take that type of job.

Is your brother not getting JSA and/or housing benefit? He should be doing so; your parents might need to put the rent etc on an official footing.

However, you sound officious, spiteful and jealous; it isn't actually up to you to insist that your brother gets a job or loses his home.

aufaniae · 14/09/2012 17:16

Can you give him some help with getting a job if you think he's genuinely trying?

Have you ever done any recruiting, have you got an eye for a good CV? Could it help for you to read it?

What kind of jobs is he applying for?

Does he know how to tailor his CV to each job ap?

Has he got a CV which focuses on his music career?
In his position I would take my CV and hand it in to every decent record shop in London (there are loads!).

There are loads of jobs in the music industry. It's a massive industry!

Just one example - it's a shame it's not a bit earlier in the summer, but if he's fit for manual work, he could get "event crewing" jobs - this means working backstage at gigs at music venues / festivals. It's not necessarily regular, but great to get on their books, it's a great way to learn about the music industry. You start with pretty manual work but you'll learn about how the techie stuff works over time if you're interested and that can lead to well-paid work. (Touring with bands, you earn good money there). These jobs often aren't advertised, you should approach the companies and simply ask if they need anyone.

skylarsmammy · 14/09/2012 17:20

Why would you want to see your own brother destitute?!

GreenD · 14/09/2012 17:27

Maybe your parents should say he has a choice, get a job, or move back in with them. They can say they want to rent the flat out to someone who will pay rent.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/09/2012 17:34

DJing can only be described as a job by a rare few. For most, it is a hobby that occasionally brings in some extra money. Your brother is kidding himself that this is his job. At 26, it is time to be an adult. It is not in his long-term interest to be so heavily subsidised by his parents. He needs to sit down and start planning his future, not just drift along in eternal teenager-dom. Your parents are not doing him any favours, indeed they are infantilising/enabling him.

aufaniae · 14/09/2012 17:48

I knew several DJs in my early 20s. Plenty of them made enough money to live on at the time. At least 5 of them are now internationally recognised (within a specific music scene) and still actually making a very good living out of it 20 years later.

It is possible, but you've got to actually be good, in a good scene and dedicated.

He does need to subsidise his income from DJing if he's not making enough money now though!

aufaniae · 14/09/2012 17:49

Is he actually any good at DJing?

Why's he only getting one gig a month? London's a big place, he should hustle for some more IMO!

London is a great place for jobs in the music industry!

squeakytoy · 14/09/2012 17:51

Does he proactively advertise his business? I know loads of pub DJs who have regular weekly work as well as party stuff and they make a decent living out of it. But if you dont promote yourself, then you get nowhere.

geegee888 · 14/09/2012 17:52

Why would a healthy 26 year old adult male be destitute, Skylarsmummy?

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