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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery trips and NRP

27 replies

getmorenappies · 14/09/2012 10:49

I'm an NRP. One of the responsible ones I'd like to think.

My dd attends nursery three days a week. My XP has been paying the fees and I have been putting money aside ( on top of the CM ) myself through a childcare voucher scheme.

So recently I took over paying the fees as the money put aside had reached a few grand, all with XP's knowledge.

Prior to me paying the fees I'd asked the nursery on three separate occasions to let me know, via email ideally, about any day trips they were having as I'd jump at the opportunity at spending more time with dd without involving XP too much. i.e. I could suggest to XP that I'd go on a specific trip rather than just hearing about what a lovely time they'd had afterwards.

They never did send me any info. XP confronted me one day ( we generally get on ) to say she and the nursery thought I was 'weird' for asking and because XP would inform me of upcoming day trips. Which of course she never did hence me asking the nursery direct. < bangs head on desk >

However now that I pay the fees directly by releasing the funds I've been putting aside they are suddenly sending me information about day trips. With a comment that maybe they?d been a bit unfair to me.

AIBU to think the nursery have been out of order?

OP posts:
StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 14/09/2012 10:56

Hmmm it's a hard one tbh as it depends what your xp has told them about u.

When my dd was at nursery I was very worried my XH would collect her without my knowledge. The nursery stated that they couldn't refuse to hand over a child to somebody with PR but could phone me if he ever turned up as they didn't know what he looked like etc.

Sorry I'm waffling but my point is if your xp has given them erroneous information about you then that might explain their attitude. I don't think YABU though it's not a nice situation to be in.

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 10:59

The point of a parent going on a day trip is to help out...it's not to spend more time with your child.

Or is there a different set up at the Nursery whereby all parents go along with their kids?

ThreeEdgedSword · 14/09/2012 11:01

Good on you for everything you've done, it's nice to see someone who actually makes an effort Smile

YANBU, they were out of order. You are your DDs parent too, and if you wanted this information directly from the nursery rather than from you XP or not, as was the case, then they should have provided it.

Yet another case of people assuming fathers don't need or want to know. It's irritating, I know, but keep doing what you're doing Smile

ThreeEdgedSword · 14/09/2012 11:03

WorraLiberty, the point of going on the day trip is to help out and spend more time with your child.

And day trips with a nursery probably involves all the parents being there.

Original poster
getmorenappies · 14/09/2012 11:03

The point of a parent going on a day trip is to help out...it's not to spend more time with your child

Well I managed to go on one and I was able to do both amazingly.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 11:06

The nursery should have told you before but is there a chance that your ex asked them not to? They should offer to give out information separately to parents. My dc's school gives us two copies of the reports even though I've told them we are happy to share.

Original poster
getmorenappies · 14/09/2012 11:09

but is there a chance that your ex asked them not to?

I suspect so yes. Although I'd add I'm just a normal dad, there are zero reasons for concern in terms of my parenting.

OP posts:
ThreeEdgedSword · 14/09/2012 11:15

There doesn't have to be reason, some mothers do it just to be vindictive. Not saying she is, but it does happen.

FWIW, i think you're a great dad for wanting to be more involved. Wish DS's father was more like you Smile

ChocHobNob · 14/09/2012 11:18

If they actually said to you that they may have been unfair before then they are agreeing that they acted wrong.

Schools and childcare organisations are sometimes not very clued up when it comes to the responsibilities of people with PR and lots seem to believe that Mum has final say, regardless. So if she had asked them not to give you information because she can give you the info herself (even though she didn't) then they were misinformed.

I'd try and forget the mishap and focus on having a good relationship with the nursery.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 14/09/2012 11:28

While she was paying the fees, they needed to keep on her good side. Now you are paying, they need to keep on yours. It's economics.

Original poster
getmorenappies · 14/09/2012 11:34

I'd try and forget the mishap and focus on having a good relationship with the nursery.

Indeed. I have just kept my frustrations to myself ( other than here of course :o )

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 11:49

WorraLiberty, the point of going on the day trip is to help out and spend more time with your child

Not here it isn't.

In fact parents are never put in the same group as their own children.

The obvious reason being that they're there to help out and not to spend the day trip with their child who they might well favour over the others IYSWIM.

akaemmafrost · 14/09/2012 11:52

Well when I go out on schools trips, which I do regularly as I am a SAHM, dd is always assigned to my group as are all kids assigned to their parents groups if they are helping. So I think it works well for both, helping and spending time with your child.

ChocHobNob · 14/09/2012 12:05

Worra, clearly everywhere isn't the same.

Here, parents go on trips with their children until they reach Reception. So in Nursery a child can only go on the trips with a parent accompanying them. So the parents go to spend a fun day with their child. Not to help the teachers or other children.

From Reception up, parent helpers may go. They are primarily there to help out but why can they also not enjoy spending time with their child if they are with them too. My Husband went on a Yr 1 trip with our son. He was there to help but our son was in his group so he got to spend the day with him too.

AmberLeaf · 14/09/2012 12:59

All trips in nursery have had a rule that a parent must attend or the child doesn't go.

GladbagsGold · 14/09/2012 13:07

What PomBear said.

I don't understand why you had to save up a few grand of vouchers before you start paying - why not just pay the nursery with vouchers as you go along?

goldenwispa · 14/09/2012 13:35

I think I read somewhere that the NRP should not interfere in the day to day care of the children.

Original poster
getmorenappies · 14/09/2012 13:43

I don't understand why you had to save up a few grand of vouchers before you start paying - why not just pay the nursery with vouchers as you go along?

It's just the way we agreed to do it. Right or wrong.

I think I read somewhere that the NRP should not interfere in the day to day care of the children.

Blimey, interfering ? . I'm her dad for God's sake. How is going on a nursery trip to the zoo interfering ?

OP posts:
ChocHobNob · 14/09/2012 16:17

Goldenwispa. I'd love to know where you heard that. You do realise not all NRPs are either absent or only every other weekend parents? Plenty of NRPs have week time contact with their children and do school runs and attend school events.

Lovesoftplay · 14/09/2012 16:33

Sorry, totally thick, whats a NRP?

ChocHobNob · 14/09/2012 16:36

Non Resident Parent

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/09/2012 16:37

Non Resident Parent.

And of course they should be "interfering"!

Dahlen · 14/09/2012 16:40

Honestly? I'd just let it go. My nursery used to send me bills adressed to my DCs father even though I was paying them and we weren't together. I did point this out, but it never got changed, and I had better things to do than get worked up about it.

Rubirosa · 14/09/2012 16:42

The nursery was wrong - they should be providing both parents with information.

It depends on the nursery of course, but when mine does trips out we want parents to come along to look after just their own child. This is because our policy is a 1:2 staff child ratio for trips out, so we need a few parents to come along and take their child out of our ratio (eg. if you have 8 kids and 2 staff, you need 4 parents to accompany).

Original poster
getmorenappies · 14/09/2012 16:47

dahlen Yes, as I said I'm not intending on making an issue of it. It just annoyed me so I came on here to have a mutter about it.

OP posts:
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