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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I selfish?,regarding christmas ,sorry everyone its early I know but

8 replies

inthecold · 13/09/2012 21:21

Every christmas I have grown up with no christmas in my house always at others,parenst made no effort , I have come to except this ever since I was in my late teens.

My dp has a very close family,last year his mums parents died and this year is going to be hard for her as they are not here,she has a partner.

I have a sil who also has a close family she takes turns with mil and her family,so this year she wants us to have xmas dinner togther to leave and then she will go to her parents for tea.

Meaning now we have to go for dinner and then pil are left on there own for tea,and we have to fit in with plans arghh.

I'm not happy as when we get together all our kids argue,fight and one year dd was taken out of the room and caused an argument,its competive and sil does not like me and its tense.

Im left to deal with it whilst everyone pees off and makes excuses,my dp goes of to cook leaving me to it.I end up feeling unhappy.

I feel bad as my family dont care and it shows ,I find it all overbearing and in my face ,I dread it so aibu and selfish and what should I do.

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PomBearWithAnOFRS · 13/09/2012 21:25

Just state calmly, to your DP, that you won't be going, and to thank his sister for the kind inviation. Repeat as necesssary. If he wails and moans tell him he is welcome to take your children and go himself, you're quite happy to stay at home and entertain yourself enjoy the peace/have a leisurely bath/wine/chocolate
That's what I did after I went was dragged to DHs sister's house for Christmas Day tea the first year we moved in together. I just said never again. For the next couple of years after that he took DD and went on his own, then he stopped doing that too, for various reasons irrelevant here.

inthecold · 13/09/2012 21:37

Thanks pombear the thing is I love my mil she is like the mum I never had and I think to myself how would I feel if it were me.

I have a Mum and Dad ,my dad loves me its my mum he is getting on in life and feels very bad about the way things are,im fed up of looking like the wicked witch.

It does not sit comfortably with dp taking our dc's without me so I guess I have to suck it up and think of the kids and whats best for them,arghhh I hate people making decisions for whats best for me and my family.

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inthecold · 13/09/2012 21:44

Bump

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Shakirasma · 13/09/2012 21:54

Could you have Christmas day and dinner at home alone with DP and kids, then have PIL over for tea after SIL has left?

Then do something with your parents on boxing day?

3duracellbunnies · 13/09/2012 22:01

Yes have lunch together at home then go over about 2ish, see SIL for a bit and then stay for tea with MIL, spread the company out for her a bit.

beanandspud · 13/09/2012 22:09

My vote would be to tell everyone that this year you are having Christmas Day at home. Anyone who would like to join you is invited, you just need to know in advance.

inthecold · 13/09/2012 22:10

Thank you Shakirasma,and 3duracellbunnies for responding,and your great ideas it means alot.

I think we will go over after dinner around 2pm do presents with all the family ,they go we can stay and have tea then go home ,or they can come back and have tea with us great plan thanks to you both,just would of never thought of it.

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inthecold · 13/09/2012 22:13

Sorry beanandspud you posted before I got your message ,I wish I had the guts I will try it later and let you know,not holding my breath thoughGrin.

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