To go and have a word with the Nursery staff about this tomorrow?

[Paleodad]

So, background: DS (just turned 3) has just started attending Nursery at school where DD is in Year 1. Once a week (today) they are in afterschool club together until 5ish, and though they are separated for most of the time, all the children eat the 'tea' together.

Today, when we picked them up DD says "DS got told off today and got upset". We asked why, and this is her version of events: at teatime they were all sat together in the dinning hall, and because the children were too noisy they were told to be silent by a certain member of the afterschool/nursery staff. DS kept on talking, and after being told a second time was taken to sit on a chair, on his own, away from the other children at the tables and on the other side of the room. He (in DD's words) got very upset and was crying. He was left to sit there until all the children filed out to do different activities, and then, as the last one in the hall, was taken off to his activity.

We asked DD if anyone consoled him when he was upset, and she said no.
We also asked if any of the senior staff were present, and she said no (that is not the nursery manager, nursery teacher or their deputies).

Now, hope i'm not a particularly precious parent, and i accept that if DS is naughty he will (and should!) be told off, but this seems a bit extreme for a 3 year old, particularly as he was upset and not consoled. There is some history with this particular staff member also. Last year DD was getting a bit fed up with afterschool club, saying that 'X is always shouting, i'm scared of X" etc.

Now, i realise that this is just DD's version of events, and children see things very differently to adults, perhaps. But, bearing in mind that it is only DS's first week at nursery, he only just turned 3 (in the last week of August), and that DD is not usually given to 'story telling', AIBU to go in and have a word about this tomorrow.

I would ask for their version. If your dd's version is right then that is a harsh way to treat a three year old when he is new to the system.

YANBU to go and have a word IMO

I would go and ask to hear their version of what happened and ensure that they appreciate how upset your poor ds was.

You can then explain that while you support them in maintaining certain standards of behaviour that you feel that for a child aged 3 you feel that the punishment in this case was inappropriate.

Good luck

If they were told to be silent, well, that's a tad unrealistic and unnecessary I would have thought.

Yabu. I doubt they had to be silent for long. He didn't do as he was told. Why should someone comfort him if he hadn't done what they'd asked? Do you comfort him when you tell him off? Would you daughter understand what 'senior staff' meant?

A 3 year old! That is ridiculous, and the punishment was far too harsh

There are times that children are required to be silent when in school/nursery/clubs. How are staff supposed to talk to them, if the kids are still talking? The staff asked from them to be quiet, he carried on talking so was asked again and continued to talk. He ignored direct instructions and as a result was told off. Why should they not do anything, this doesn't teach him nothing.

Afaik it is not normal either for staff to console pupils that are crying because they are in trouble. Afterwards they will have a quick chat about acceptable behavior.

I agree with alphabite
None of the children at my nursery can identify who the senior staff are, however if you asked them where xx is they would be able to tell you.

I think it's important from the beginning to enforce the rules, boundaries and what is expected from the children from day one when attending childcare settings as it can be very confusing for them if they are able to do one thing when they first start as they are 'new' and then as soon as they are settled enforce the rules which completely contradicts everything they had done previously.

I agree that they probably didn't have to be silent for long, and that they probably most likely to told to quieten down repeatedly before being told to be quiet, which often happens at my nursery.

I think you wouldn't comfort your own child immediately after they were told off, and it is odd that you would assume your dd, or a carer would, he had after all been told off.

YADNBU a child who is just three and his first week in nursery, far too servere.

Go and have a strong word!!

YADNBU go in tomorrow and clear this up...NOT on to leave a tiny boy like that!

no,obviously i did not say 'senior staff', as buttons said, i asked about mrs x and miss y etc. And i will of course ask for their version of events.

No, i wouldn't expect him to be comforted for crying after a telling off, but from what DD says he was really quite upset.
Thanks, buttons, it's good to know that the staff will be understanding and not just think i'm over protective of darling DS.
Also, it's not so much 'previous', but as i said DD is quite wary of her, and both DW and i have witnessed her being a bit abrupt and rough with some of the kids.
i wonder if part of the problem is that there is a very wide age range (from 3 to 10) and DS was just sort of in the mix perhaps to this member of staff, still he's only 3!

Just to update:
to underline what a lovely school DS and DD are at, before i had chance to go and have a chat with DS's key worker the Nursery manager approached me.

Long and short of it was that she said she was aware of an incident last night at tea, and that she had had a word with the member of staff concerned and (i may be paraphrasing here) that it was not appropriate treatment, and that the member of staff should cut the little ones some slack, especially while they are still new to the nursery and learning the routines.

Happily, it took the wind from my sails; i told her we had been a little concerned, but that she had put our minds to rest.

thanks for all the advice.