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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh is being a twunt?

19 replies

needtochangenow · 13/09/2012 17:32

dh has away for week, half way across the world. tried to sykpe this afternoon but the connection kept dropping. Eventually got it to work, but dc (7 and 4) were impatient by then.
Bad conversation, as dc not really interested in talking to dh, and fighting over camera.
dh said he was getting a head ache, did not want to stay around to watch us fight, said good bye and hang up.
next thing I get a text saying he is not looking forward to coming home (coming home tom) the way we are treating him. I txt back to say I had told the dc off, but that I was looking forward to him being back. silence. I texted again to say that he was making me feel as if he was angry with me too. silence.
aibu to think that this is twuntish behaviour?

OP posts:
happyclapper · 13/09/2012 17:40

Hi. Sorry DH is behaving twuntishly. Having a similar problem with mine as we speak, so know how you feel.
Any chance he may have just been held up from replying, eg another call coming through, someone speaking to him.
Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt at the moment. Is he away with work? He may be stressed / tired........or just a twunt!

Numberlock · 13/09/2012 17:43

next thing I get a text saying he is not looking forward to coming home (coming home tom) the way we are treating him

Wow. Great way to communicate this by text. And all this was based on one Skype call or are there are other ongoing issues?

My reply would have been, "That makes two of this then, as I'm not particularly looking forward to having you back either".

Original poster
needtochangenow · 13/09/2012 17:43

sorry to hear you have similar issues - what twuntish thing is yours doing happy?
of course he is tired with work, not looking forward to a long flight back etc. but has he forgotten that dc can sometimes not be "little angels who speak to their dfather adoringly". thing i object to is that it seems to be my fault...that's twuntish!

OP posts:
Original poster
needtochangenow · 13/09/2012 17:57

number- seems to be just this incident, as skyped earlier in week and all is fine.

just got a txt to say he is angry with me cos I did not try to stop the behaviour (which I did but by the time I got the camera back, he was saying goodbye and cutting off) and that it is not nice to fly home with this feeling...sigh and angry too....

OP posts:
Numberlock · 13/09/2012 18:00

What feeling though, exactly? The realisation that at his kids aren't, in fact, Victorian?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/09/2012 18:01

He can criticize your parenting when he is bloody there to do his share. Well, he can't, but you know what I mean.

Catsmamma · 13/09/2012 18:03

godsake....leave the miserable bastard to his own devices, make sure you and the children are out when he arrives home. Do not inform him you won't be there, let the peace and quiet be a lovely surprise for him.

And make sure the children do have a super time and regale him with the lovely time they have had without him

I am furious on your behalf!

happyclapper · 13/09/2012 18:06

DH works very long hours, often away from home too. Then when he gets back he works on a small business he set up some years ago which kept us afloat when things were tight so he is reluctant to let it go now.
Then he plays football on a Saturday which means he is gone from 12.30 till 6.30, leaving me without the car which is particularly restricting in the winter when the boys don't want to walk into town etc.
THEN after that, our 2 DS's get his full attention! He is good with them then but as HIS parents pointed out he isn't prioritising properly.
Needless to say he didn't take well to being told this. I have been moaning about the football (he's 43 for God sake) for years to the point I have given up.
In the end he told me to 'just F**k off'. Nice.
Has since apologised but no sign of changing.
The boys don't even ask where he is most of the time.

GreenD · 13/09/2012 18:07

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
needtochangenow · 13/09/2012 20:22

just got dc to bed - managed to have a nice eve in spite of being annoyed.
thanks for the replies.
dh does not want to text it better....too tired he says. his loss. thanks to your replies I am not dwelling on it.
happy - that sounds really tough. And he really is getting his prioriites all wrong. hope his parents keep nagging. how do thre boys react when he is around? mine love it when he is around - he is special, I am just always there and taken for granted. But I think they know who does most for/with them...including the nagging!

OP posts:
Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 13/09/2012 21:52

Yanbu, the behaviour is out of order. When I was a military wife we did these calls. He forgets that the small fights are maybe one hundredth of what you have to deal with on your own.

Now I am doing all the travelling, quite a lot to the US and around Europe this year, and dh is a SAHD. I don't expect the world to stop for me when I call! I don't expect DS, 7, to be overly enthused to have a long conversation, or stop playing to make small talk.

I just get on with it. He's in a hotel, no doubt? Being waited on, having his bed made, meals brought to the table?

Sorry, I work hard, but not that hard that I'm too exhausted to be pleasant.

He's being an arse.

BeauNeidel · 13/09/2012 22:08

YANBU. I would be so upset if DH said anything like that to me. He can't really believe that a squabble between two children is them 'treating him badly'? If he does, he really needs to get a grip, and pronto.

Oh, and also realise the world doesn't revolve around him and that life has to continue even though daddy is away!

apostropheuse · 13/09/2012 22:15

Sounds like he needs a swift kick up the arse

metaphorically speaking of course

Wheresthedamndog · 13/09/2012 22:21

Arse. Sounds very sorry for himself.
I travel too; it's knackering and you can't expect the kids to be always on form when you call. But taking it out on you is pretty unfair.

Tell him you fed them some gruel, sent them up the chimney and promised them lots of hard labour tomorrow. Then pour some wine and enjoy the peace!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/09/2012 22:41

I had a very bad trip away from DH, with DD when she was small. He got a phone call that was essentially me alternately sobbing and arguing with my DM while DD whined at him over the phone. He was all sympathy. Because, when it comes down to it, he is not dealing with the whining and shit, you are. He should be sympathetic and grateful. If DH had said he wasn't looking forward to us coming home...

cherw · 13/09/2012 23:21

YANBU it's hard enough being apart on both sides without things like this making it worse.

My husband works in London 3 days a week (live in Wales) and also has to go to India and Paris frequently so we try and Skype a bit, but time difference and a wriggly 3 year old means it doesn't always go well! I have a lot of support from friends and family when he's away and I know he feels lonely and has never been very good on the phone tbh. I find distance and missing each other tends to make both of us more sensitive.

So whilst YANBU and he's being an idiot, I'd say if he arrives home with a big smile and a 'sorry I was a grumpy Git' type comment, then let it go. Life's too short! make the most of when you ARE together!

kakapo · 13/09/2012 23:23

He is being ridiculous. Any chance he hasn't received your texts, what with roaming and all? Even so, no need for his arsey text.

happyclapper · 14/09/2012 12:07

Sorry for late reply.
The kids don't really get excited when he gets back but they do have goid gun together.
When DH is free he will put a lot if effort into doing fun things. Its just his time is so short.
He's just told me next week he's around a lot more......we'll see.

happyclapper · 14/09/2012 12:08

Good fun, not goid gun !

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