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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my son to a party

18 replies

meboo · 13/09/2012 14:07

My son, 9, started a new school last week and he boards 2 days a week. He did 2 consecutive nights last week. The days are very long and we have to up at 6am and back home by 6/7pm and he is in bed during the week around 8.30pm and on a friday it is more like 9pm as he has cubs (he wants to go to cubs to keep his connection with his old school friends)

He started on Monday night that he did not want to board now, this carried on until he went into school tuesday morning where I left him for one night. The teacher very kindly emailed me during the day to say he was ok but worried about boarding and that they would keep an eye on him and inform the boarding staff.
I picked him up yesterday and he had had a good day, met with the teacher who has said he is very impressed with him and that my sons emotions are very usual at this stage.

This morning my son had stomach ache and was telling me how ill he was. I checked him over and he was fine. We packed his bag and in the car (45 min journey to school) he started again about not boarding and got tearful as he want into class. I have been very good and been consistant in that he has to board, it is a condition of his scholarship.

I will be picking him up again tomorrow night and he will be at school SAturday morning till 4pm.

This is where i am feeling unsure if it is reasonable to then take him to a close friends 50th party where he will be with old friends of his age and can let off some steam. We will have to travel about an hour away and have booked into a hotel for the evening as on the Sunday we have a family bbq to attend.

Will it all be too much, should we have down time for us at home, do we need to just get back into doing our usual things and deal with the tiredness etc??

We have a long weekend coming up in 2 weeks so can do nothing then together.

Please be honest and gentle as I am very frazzled.

Thank you.

OP posts:

cheekybarsteward · 13/09/2012 14:16

Shouldn't this be a thread about how worried you are that he doesn't want to board?
I would be worried that he needed to tell me why?

lljkk · 13/09/2012 14:19

He's unhappy about boarding, separate issue from party, methinks. I wouldn't take him to party if it's going to make him too tired for school the next day.

thekidsarealright · 13/09/2012 14:20

cheekybarsteward · 13/09/2012 14:22

I agree on the party issue lljkk but it seems like there is an elephant in the room here?

Original poster

meboo · 13/09/2012 14:23

I'm not worried about the boarding, was just giving all the info. I think it is just something that is new and that he will be ok.

The party is on a Saturday so will not be going to school till Monday morning.

OP posts:

SunflowersSmile · 13/09/2012 14:26

Not sure op deserves a biscuit. I think some chorister type scholarships require boarding?
Sounds early days and he needs keeping an eye on. Would your son enjoy weekend plans? If so go for it or perhaps just do one of the parties.

ScarlettInSpace · 13/09/2012 14:28

Why not just ask him what he wants to do?

Kayano · 13/09/2012 14:30

Ask him

Then ignore what he is telling you

Original poster

meboo · 13/09/2012 14:30

I don't understand the emoticon or the reference to an elephant?

I think that my son will enjoy the weekend plans as he gets to see is friends, my gut says that we just keep plodding on. But sometimes you just question the situation.

Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 13/09/2012 14:32

I would say carry on with the party idea but I would be seriously looking if the current arrangement for schooling is really what's best for everyone

Fakebook · 13/09/2012 14:33

I don't understand what you want advice about?

JennerOSity · 13/09/2012 14:35

So basically you are asking if a saturday evening party where he will play with mates followed by a family BBQ the next day and a fair dose of travel sounds too much for a young boy who is finding his feet at school and has long hours as it is?

I think he would probably be the best judge of that. I think in terms of sheer logistics it sounds do-able and seeing friends and family and having a fuss made of him may well make him feel less overwhelmed by the new regime at school.

I wouldn't say an obvious yay or nay is staring you in the face from what you describe. Consult him and see if he is keen. If monday night is one of his boarding nights at least he won't have the homeward travel that day and he can go to bed early and rest if need be.

valiumredhead · 13/09/2012 14:35

What do you want advice about?

Floralnomad · 13/09/2012 14:40

It sounds like the entire schooling arrangement is what needs looking at not a one off party on a Saturday. 6 am to 7 pm all week and school on a Saturday would exhaust most people. Would it not be more practical for him to board all week as it may be less tiring and less unsettling for him.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/09/2012 15:13

What you asking??

Is this an attempt to start a debate on boarding school?

Why are his days so ridiculously long?? A 12 hour day for 9 year old is madness!

timetoask · 13/09/2012 15:20

Take him to the party, let him have fun. HE IS still a very young child.

manicinsomniac · 13/09/2012 16:23

I work as a teacher and boarding tutor in what sounds like a very similar school to the one your son has started at.

I'm a little confused as to why the boarding is a part of his scholarship though? Flexi boarding is around £30 a night at our school so to add it as a clause in a scholarship seems bizarre and uneconomical. I do think he'll settle though. Wobbles at 9 are normal and, actually, occasional boarders are often slower to settle then weekly and fulls.

As for the Saturday - yes, take him. Schools that have Saturday lessons expect events to crop up. Parents at our school don't request permission for Saturday absences, they just inform the form tutor of the wedding/party/sports commitment or whatever it is and take them.

Hopeforever · 13/09/2012 16:30

Sounds like the weekend will be fun for him and it would be OK to go.

The biscuit and the elephant are possibly because some posters don't agree with boarding school for someone who is 9. They don't know your situation or your son, only you can say if it the right thing for him or not. But that's another thread!

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