To be feeling miffed that DH doesn't share stuff with me?

[Yermina]

Had a friend/colleague of DH's round last night for a meal. I really like this guy, stay in touch with him on facebook, and have had a number of good conversations with him when we've met up for meals/going out, on other occasions.

Last night he started to talk about his sister experiencing domestic violence, and what a shock it's been to him to find this out, how upset he's been about it.

I commiserated with him and talked about how hard it is for family to know how to help when a person who's being beaten refuses to leave their spouse. I have direct experience of this as my own sister was in a very abusive relationship for years that she refused to leave. After talking for a bit the friend said that he was surprised DH hadn't mentioned it to me. DH shrugged and said that his friend had asked him not to talk about it to anyone. So DH didn't - to anyone. Me included. Friend looked surprised and I suspect had assumed that I don't fall into the category of 'anyone'.

It's not the first time that I've discovered that DH has withheld information from me that he knows I would be interested in, about people we know, because of wanting to be discrete. When his sister miscarried it seemed (when it was finally mentioned in public) that I was the only adult in the family who didn't know. I'm not aware by the way that anyone has told him not to share information with me specifically.

On reflection, I feel hurt. We've been together nearly 20 years, married 15.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this? I haven't mentioned to DH that I feel sad about it.

When I am told something in confidence, I try to find out at the time if it is OK to tell anyone else. For example, yesterday someone shared something with me that only one other person knows. I asked her if I could talk to my colleague about it because she knows a lot about this issue.

Could your DH ask, "is it OK to tell Yermina?"

Depends.
If I get "Don't tell anyone!" I usually ask, "So why are you telling me", believing that 2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

If someone said tell no-one, I assume they mean it, and so wouldn't tell DW.
If they said it was private, I probably would tell DW.

On that basis, OP is possibly B a bit U

I was interested to hear Katnisscupcake specify so if one of my friends was having an affair and DH knew her DH, just as an example and thought about a quick compare and contrast with what if it was friends DH was having an affair...

Why the fuck would he need to tell you something about a colleagues sister? Do you also expect him to tell you every minor conversation about the weather he has? Who went for a wee and at what time?
OTOH, if it was while you were together, I would totally expect him to tell you about a miscarriage in the family.

To those who would expect their dh to tell them everything. How would you feel if you told your oh something in confidence and he shared the info with his mother? Would that be ok or would be be reading a mn thread about how unreasonable he was not to respect your confidence?