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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with my DD party invites?

33 replies

Tw1nkle · 13/09/2012 12:08

Hi,

DD will be 4 in November.
Money is tight, but we're hoping to hire a wackywarehouse type place.

It's £7 a head.

AIBU to invite her friends, but NOT her friends brothers/sisters?

I don't want to upset/annoy other moms/dads, but i can't afford the siblings too!

Thanks.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 13/09/2012 12:09

Nope - just invite friends. If parents want to bring others, then they pay for them.

RuleBritannia · 13/09/2012 12:10

I think it would be reasonable to invite just the friends. However, I would make it plain somehow that siblings were not invited. Perhaps mention that numbers were limited to just the invitees and no one else?

ClippedPhoenix · 13/09/2012 12:11

Of course not OP. Just friends is perfectly fine.

onedev · 13/09/2012 12:11

Just invite friends - if other parents want to bring siblings that's fine, but they pay for them & no party bags. Grin

TubbyDuffs · 13/09/2012 12:11

When I have invited the whole class to a party, I have added on the invitation that siblings are welcome to come along but must be paid for separately by the parent.

I have never had anyone take offence (well not to my face anyway) and as a mum with three children, I wouldn't expect my other children to be paid for at a party where one of them was invited.

WelshMaenad · 13/09/2012 12:14

I often have to take a sibling along to a party but I ALWAYS check first and offer/expect to pay for their attendance. I've be we been refused access to the buffet for them but would happily buy separate food if the catering was tight.

YANBU at all but I would do as pp said and make it clear on invites that sibs will have to be paid for.

purplehouse · 13/09/2012 12:15

If you receive a party invite addressed to one of your children, it is outrageously rude to expect your other children to be able to join in the party (unless it is a soft play centre and you can pay for your other children which is totally fine). Certainly only party bags for invited children. I think most people know this so you shoudl be fine OP>

vodkaanddietirnbru · 13/09/2012 12:15

ds is invited to a soft play party on Sunday. We are taking dd but paying her in and she wont get to do the party games/get the party food but she is aware of that and isnt bothered by it. We have done the same thing with other soft play parties

PiedWagtail · 13/09/2012 12:16

Not at all! say that sibs are welcome (if asked) but that they will have to be paid for. People will understand!!

Original poster
Tw1nkle · 13/09/2012 12:18

The problem I have is that the place is pretty small, and i have to pre-arrange the food - so they need numbers confirmed.

If any other siblings turn up, they cannot 'pay' to get it - as it's closed to everyone else.

OP posts:
Fillybuster · 13/09/2012 12:19

YANBU (at all!) but I would explicitly add 'no siblings please' or something along those lines to the invite. If anyone has major childcare headaches they will call you, and you can explain the situation direct.

Its not just the cost, anyway - you don't really want a whole load of siblings at your dd's party, messing about when she's cutting her cake and bundling the smaller children off the soft play because they're bored (if they're older) or screaming the place down (if younger).

vodkaanddietirnbru · 13/09/2012 12:21

are you booking the whole place then? The one we go to has parties running alongside the general public and they can get their own food and wouldnt join in with any of the party stuff

Fillybuster · 13/09/2012 12:22

x-post. Why not write a note that says

"Due to limited space at the venue we cannot include siblings in this invitation. Sorry for any inconvenience"

That's pretty explicit, and polite, no?

TubbyDuffs · 13/09/2012 12:22

In that case I would state that you have limited numbers and have to confirm numbers first and if people are really stuck and need sibling to come they can if told in time, but they still need to pay for themselves.

Are you happy for the parents to just drop the kids and leave? If so, you can tell them that, then they can leave with siblings and aren't stuck trying to find childcare for their other children.

Original poster
Tw1nkle · 13/09/2012 12:33

Hiya,
Thanks so much everyone!

The place is small - max capacity of 25.
I'm thinking of about 15 kiddies, so there will be room for siblings should they want to pay for themselves.

I think I'm going to add that to the invite, then numbers can be confirmed up front.

OP posts:
RuleBritannia · 13/09/2012 12:38

If money is tight, why not just have a few friends at home with the usual sandwiches no jelly because you don't want it in the carpet, crisps and cake. you'd save a fair amount doing it that way. It certainly wouldn't be £7 per head.

Yo are planning to have 15 children at £7 per head? You are obviously not hard up if you can spend £105 on a child's birthday party!

HoratiaWinwood · 13/09/2012 12:49

It's totally standard party etiquette in my experience that siblings can also turn up but they are paid for by their own parents and they don't get fed.

Fwiw I spoke to the parents who might be affected rather than angstangstangst about wording on an invitation. A few brought siblings and although I'd said I'd pay, they were all horrified by the very idea and paid themselves. So everyone felt morally superior Grin .

Original poster
Tw1nkle · 13/09/2012 12:49

Yes, £100 is our budget- but agree, it would be cheaper to have ot at home.

Do you think aged 4 (or nearly 4 for DD friends), is too young for the parents to drop them off at a party, then collect them, say 2 hours later?

I'd like it at home, with say 5 or 6 little ones (I think I could handle that number lol), but haven't got the room for parents to stay as well!

This is all so confusing!

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 13/09/2012 12:53

I would never invite siblings brothers and sisters so totally NBU.

Just make it clear on the invitation because we always had one family who'd try it on and just leave their youngest child with us too.

naturalbaby · 13/09/2012 12:53

When Ds was 3 we slowly stopped taking his siblings to his friend's parties - at least said they didn't have the space for siblings. He's now 4 and I would still expect parents to stay with the kids.

What about a village hall (£10 per hour if you're lucky) with a bouncy castle? A friend was lucky with the weather and there was a playground just outside the hall, a craft table inside and a few toys. I don't know how much entertainers cost but we've just been to a party with a really good one and he had the 4yr olds running around laughing the whole time.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/09/2012 13:00

Nope perfectly reasonable.

Mind you, if money is that tight TBH I wouldnt bother with a party at all.

WildWorld2004 · 13/09/2012 13:13

The few times my dd has had a party iv never ever thought of inviting friends siblings.

Im from a big family. Imagine if i got invited to a party & my mum expected all my other siblings to be invited too. Thats not very fair on the host parents.

pigletmania · 13/09/2012 13:18

YANBU. Just say due to limited places and size of the venue, the invitation is for those invited only.

queenofmeringue · 13/09/2012 13:19

Whatever you decide make it clear on the invitation! At DD's 6th birthday party at our house I said on the invitation that siblings were welcome but to let me know for catering/party bags, which people did. However I forgot to say siblings welcome IF PARENTS ARE STAYING and several families dumped 2 or 3 kids each on us, some as young as 3!

Scholes34 · 13/09/2012 13:32

Don't do a party this year. Treat DD to a nice day out with you instead. You could do something really nice with £100 and a few Tesco vouchers!