To still want to go away with my family even though they do DPs head in?

[Fecklessdizzy]

I get together with my brother and sister and their kids for a week over Easter. We get a cheap deal somewhere warm and the cousins all hang out in the pool and we read and go for walks and chat and generally catch up.

I really enjoy it but DP doesn't. He says that everyone talks over him and no-one listens to what he says - it's true that as a family we are quite opinionated and argumentative and he probably has a point about the not-listening bit but we do it to each other too so it's nothing personal but he says it makes him feel inferior.

So now I don't know what to do about next year ...

Go anyway and feel like I'm walking on egg shells all week, not go and seeth with resentment or go without him and try and explain to family and kids that he didn't fancy it/ had to work/ developed a sudden fear of flying?

Help me out here! ( but no Leave-The-Bastards please as he's basically a good egg, albeit one with a bit of a thing about people with degrees )

I am not sure why the 'selling it to him' thing is a thing at all.

Just talk to him . Why an't you just say 'I absolutely understand all the reasons why you find my family difficult. The like/love you but when we are together we just revert to babbling at each other like we did growing up. I want you to come - they would want you to come - but what would make you happy? Would you rather not go, do something else instead?'

I am not sure why he would take offence at that. Unless he really is just chippy.

Why not just go on your own. So YANBU to want to go but YABU if you expect him to go if he doesn't enjoy it at all.

My sister is a widow and my brother is a single parent, that's one reason we all started going away together in the first place, they both have partners now but my sister's chap is self-employed and Easter is a busy time for him so he doesn't come and my brother's not been with his lass all that long so it hasn't come up yet ...

Maybe I should wait and see if my brother brings it up ( he's the one who usually sorts things out ) as there's no point getting all worked up about DP coming or not if DBro would rather go off with his Sweetie and her kids anyway!

If it might not happen then leave it a bit longer before you worry about it. But if it does come up you shudo go without him and just tell him the truth with lots of ego stroking reassurance if need be.

Ywbu to make him go, but he WBU to stop you from going alone.

I don't see the problem with saying you're going, and he's welcome to come along if he likes. If he doesn't really fancy it, he can just say so. No need for anyone to be offended or feel inferior.

It came up at breakfast to do with something else and I wanted to get things straight in my head before it came to the crunch ...

Anyway, thanks everyone, I don't feel like such a Bitch Queen From Hades for wanting to go on my own now!

I sympathise because my family is the same and DH often sits in the corner, looking bored, while we all argue debate the evening away. He loves them all so he would always come but...

If he didn't want to (and we do holiday for a week each year with all my family) I would take DS and go without him. Without hesitation. DS and I get so much out of it and DH is a full-grown man who knows how many sugars he has in his tea.

Fwiw, one of my SIL didn't like it either and decided to stop coming away with us all (she likes us in small doses, I think). She won't let my brother and his children come away though, as she dislikes being alone and it has rather spoiled things. To the point where my DM wants to stop going next year because she thinks it is unfair on the GC who aren't there.

Wow, LauraShigihara!
The fact that TWO of the ILs in your family find the get-togethers difficult is surely significant.....
One of my BILs spends the minimum amount of time at get-togethers too. So it's obviously not just me being difficult about my large, loud in-laws.
So, should the noisy clans try to be more considerate to the ILs or should the ILs suck it up for the sake of the family....?

I suspect different answers would be given if a woman was posting that she was fed up of going on holiday with her husband's extended family who all talk over her and wished they could just go away as a family without the extended brood.
I would discuss this with my husband and see how he feels about not coming, or whether we come to an alternate year easter with my family compromise, or whether we see my family for a shorter length of time. It sounds as though your husband feels excluded and that this isn't any fun for him. If my husband felt like this it would matter to me. Luckily he likes my family but likes to take his bike on extended stays so he can escape for the day sometimes.

It DOES matter to me, that's why I'm mithering about it on here rather than just telling him to get over himself!