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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have admitted to my son father xmas isn't real?

61 replies

LucieMay · 12/09/2012 23:39

He's six going on 16. He caught me off guard the other day and proceeded to debunk every argument in favour of father Christmas so I just admitted it was a big lie from adults. He was very proud of himself and said he could not believe adults spend so much time pretending to children that he's real. Should I have perpetuated the myth to retain the magic of xmas?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 13/09/2012 08:26

DS has always known Father Christmas was a lovely story and not real. Doesn't spoil the magic at all.

Whatdoiknowanyway · 13/09/2012 08:37

Mine worked it out at about 7 but continue to enjoy the story to this day (now aged 19 and 20). Carrots, mince pies and drinks are still left out on Christmas Eve, stockings still hung etc. I do worry about their younger cousins who will be going to secondary school next year but still believe wholeheartedly.

ApplePippa · 13/09/2012 09:23

Extrospektiv - I was hoping someone with an older autistic child than mine would be along to answer your question, as I was pondering this very thing while reading the thread.

My DS is only 3.5yrs and last Christmas didn't "tune in" to Father Christmas at all. This year, my gut feeling is that trying to introduce Father Christmas as fact rather than just a story is going to utterly confuse him. (In his world everything comes from the shop Smile)

Youshouldbedancing · 13/09/2012 09:24

Ds doesn't know Santa isn't real just that Santa doesn't bring his presents, i don't think it spoils magic i want ds to grow up knowing Xmas is a time to spend with family and friends and it's nice to give and receive gifts but it's not just about the presents (I know this is v.hopeful of me and by the time Hes a teen he will be want, want, want)
Of course If he ever questioned Santa I would tell him the truth but discourage him from telling other children

ILiveInAPineapple · 13/09/2012 09:55

If you don't believers Santa, you don't get presents from Santa.......

I still have a stocking and I'm 30 ;-)

x2boys · 13/09/2012 10:54

my mum always told me that there is always a father xmas for those who beleive my oldest son is six on boxing day and still wholeheartely beleives and my youngest is two so just gets very excited by the presents.

Dotty342kids · 13/09/2012 11:04

Aw, this is so tricky isn't it? Mine have always known that main presents come from people eg. us, aunties, uncles, friends etc, but that stockings come from Santa (along with the delivery of the presents which have been purchased by aforementioned aunties, uncles, friends etc but which Santa "looks after" until Christmas Eve!).
My DD is 7 and is very savvy and I'm sure has sussed that Santa isn't real. My 9.6 yr old DS however, still fully believes and I think it'll break his heart just a little when he finds out otherwise. I can't believe, once they all start discussing Christmas in the playground, that some of his more streetwise classmates won't disillusion him.
I know they can't believe forever but once the magic of the story is gone you can't ever do the whole "let's think about what Santa might be doing to get his sleigh ready / let's put out the carrots / let's write Santa a letter" thing again, certainly not with quite the same enthusiasm. That makes me sad!!

anastaisia · 13/09/2012 11:15

When DD (6 then) asked about Father Christmas last year we talked about how there are many ideas that people believe in. And some of those ideas inspire them to do lovely things for other people. And the important thing isn't if the idea is 100% factually true, but what people do with it. And so if she wanted to believe in Father Christmas it didn't matter whether she believed it was fact, because it was okay to believe in the idea of it all anyway.

piratecat · 13/09/2012 11:50

i think you knew your son well enough to gauge what his reaction would be. That's great!!

We all do xmas differently, and probably how our parents did. Unfortuntely in this home FC brings a bloody great sack of pressies, not just a stocking. So there are standards lol.

I think my dd would be quite upset, but we did have a convo the other day, where i tried to say when you get older FC doesn't bring quite as much. She answered 'oh but I still believe in him just as much as i ever did'
me-Confused

it was left at that.

piratecat · 13/09/2012 11:51

she is ten, btw and i thought oh what the hell this is still going and she will be my only child.

ClippedPhoenix · 13/09/2012 12:00

What do you mean Santa isn't real?

It's a running joke with my DS and I (he's nearly 15).

When he was little I just said that "I" believed in him, it was up to him what he believed.

amck5700 · 13/09/2012 12:14

My friends told their daughter at the same age in exactly the same circumstances - she was very good about it and as long as she still got presents she didn't mind. She was also happy not to tell anyone and felt that she was a bit grown up! She still liked to do all the Santa routine things, the letter and leaving out cookies etc even though she knew he wasn't real.

On the other hand I have a 12 and 11 year old and they both either still believe or certainly did last christmas!! Just going to front it up this year and ask them what they want but to keep it to budget as Mum and Dad are a bit skint!!

deleted203 · 13/09/2012 13:02

lol piratecat Unfortunately in this home FC brings a bloody great sack of pressies, not just a stocking. So there are standards lol.
Yep, in ours too, unfortunately - left in a pillowcase that you lay out on the end of your bed excitedly the night before. Getting ruddy hard now that eldest 3 DCs are 17, 18 and 20 creeping around in middle of night. (Last year by the time I'd tiptoed halfway round the house at 3.30am just as I was sneaking out of DS age 6's room wearing dressing gown with hood I clearly disturbed him. I heard him sit bolt upright and say, 'Ted! Did you see that? and I shot back to my own bed thinking 'Shit!' He was through in about 2 mins dragging a sack and shouting 'Santa's been!' I had to say, 'Oh...lovely. But it's the middle of the night, darling - you can't get up til 6.00). I felt really mean but as I had lunch for about 18 to cook and I hadn't been to bed at that point there was no bloody way I could face Christmas Day starting at that time!

On another point, we put pressies from Mum & Dad under tree in living room. One year I asked friend's son a few days after Christmas, 'Did you get lots of lovely things from Santa?' and the reply was, 'Yes - and it's a good job because Mum didn't get me anything' lol....always separate the presents girls!

CasperGutman · 13/09/2012 13:04

Not real?!? Don't tell my mum. She still believes in Father Christmas now she's retired, and true to form he rewards this faith by leaving something for her under the tree with a label in writing that looks much like her own.

shinyrobot · 13/09/2012 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aliportico · 13/09/2012 13:40

Told my eldest girls when they were 6 and 4.5 because the 4 year old was getting hysterical on Christmas Eve about this strange man coming into their bedroom! People don't like it though - had one friend almost in tears because I'd ruined the magic for them, and other people telling me I should have made up some story about him leaving the presents on the doorstep or something. I'm happy to go along with the story - you see and hear it everywhere - but I couldn't just lie to her face, so I told her the truth. She was perfectly happy, put her stocking out, and went to bed :)

Neither of them told their younger siblings, and ds believed until he was 8 or so, by which point dd3 was 6 and very sceptical, telling everyone it really couldn't be true! She's 10 now, and already talking about what she's going to ask Santa for this year ...

piratecat · 14/09/2012 12:18

sowornout, i am heartened to see that you too have the sack dilemma, and that you still do one for your teens and 20 yr old. yipppeeeeee. i love it.

Badgerina · 14/09/2012 12:28

I've never pretended FC is real. I've always told my son about the lovely story that parents all over the world tell their children. He STILL says to me, aged nearly 8, "Mama, I KNOW it's a story, but I believe in him anyway" Hmm Grin

TwistyBraStrap · 14/09/2012 12:34

If Santa wasn't real, how could we possibly follow him on Norad?

deleted203 · 14/09/2012 13:27

piratecat - I loooooove Christmas and so does whole family. Teens and 20s have never mentioned that they 'don't believe in Santa', so I must assume they do, Wink. DH thinks we ought to be more concerned about the fact that DS aged 7 thinks his teddy is real and has long conversations with him (and replies in Ted's squeaky voice) rather than the Santa issue, lol. BTW, on the subject of being slightly sad and OTT about Christmas because Ted is part of the family he puts out a small stockings and Santa brings him things, too. Getting ruddy hard to buy presents for the bear who has everything!

DaveMccave · 14/09/2012 13:29

I was coaxed in to telling DD about santa. It went against all my instincts. Why would I want to fabricate a big lie that could potentially leave her heartbroken and confuse her about reality? No wonder so many adults are receptive to so much bullshit from the government et al, when they were brought up on bull shit. So when DD asked me at 2, if he was real I said no. I never told her about the tooth fairy and tell her there's no such thing as magic or ghosts or god. She doesn't always chose to agree with me but that's her choice. I tell her they are all nice stories, and that's why we have stockings and grotto's but it's just a nice story.

CornflowerB · 14/09/2012 13:47

I thought my DD already knew because she was asking me about it and said 'I mean come on Mum, flying reindeers?' so I confirmed that it was really her dad and myself. She was and is still devastated - she believed it all apart from the flying reindeers... The other mums in her class think I am some kind of hard nosed bitch or something and got very sniffy with me, in case she tells anyone. She won't, she's just really sad about it. She was almost 8 when she found out which I thought was ok - I knew when I was about 6. Apparently here they keep up the 'magic' until they are about 10. I hate the whole thing to be honest.

AberdeenAnxious · 14/09/2012 14:06

I struggle with the injustice side of it. Ds fills shoeboxes at school to send to children in Africa who otherwise wouldn't get presents. He's asked why father christmas doesn't take presents to them and it's tough to answer. He doesn't really believe and I'm not going to try to convince him. We still leave the mince pie out and get excited. I haven't believed in Father Christmas for about 28 years but I still love that Christmas Eve feeling.

NotWilliamBoyd · 14/09/2012 14:14

DS still believes and DD (just 9) claims to - but I can't really understand it, tbh. She's quite a sciencey, 'how do things work' type child and I struggle to see how she could still really 'believe.' But then, I have no memory of 'believing' myself, was sure from 4/5 but pretended so as not to disappoint my parents.

DD has commented recently on how she gets a stocking from FC with little things in and her friend gets 2 enormous pillowcases full of gifts. I'm leaving her to think about that one.

numbertaker · 14/09/2012 14:17

Both my DC's have always hated FC, and they out him all the time.