To rise above it, its not his fault?

[goldenwispa]

My DS2 is ASD. There are 7 boys in his class. Another boy had a bday party and invited all the boys except my DS. Next week school are camping on the school field. We are providing a tent and other equipment. This other child has been allocated to stay in our tent with our DS. DS is really upset and doesn't want this child in his tent. AIBU to think the child is not at fault and try to encourage my DS to change his mind??

Yes Lisa your right. Just when I have had a full 6 days bliss without a hitch at school. Too good to be true xx

Dd would not take it well and it would be added to a grudge list

Grudge list. I like that. My grudge list is still fully alive and active and goes right back till when my uncle broke my dolls chair when I was 3. They don't fade away with time, they just get filed away for later.

All the boys are in your ds's tent? . So, is there actually an alternative tent either he or the boy in question could swop to?
If there isn't, there isn't really a clear answer, is there?

ASD aside, this child bullied your ds by excluding him. He needs to apologise and make amends so that they can establish a friendly relationship, and i would expect the school to mediate this before putting your ds in such an awkward position, tbh!

That's a very good idea Purple. I would have accepted that as a child. The frustration was always the failure of others to see the wrong that I saw. Sincere apologies mean instant deletion from the grudge list.

To me, the OP's DS's ASD is a secondary issue. He has been excluded, which is wrong, and the other child needs to know that it's unacceptable to leave one person out. They don't have to be bosom buddies, and can easily avoid each other in the playground, but i wouldn't force any child to spend the night with someone they dislike.

If the OP's DS was excluded from the party because he's on the spectrum, then the school needs to review how they implement their policy on inclusion. A lot depends on the parents' attitude, too...

Looks like I will have to go into school and have words, ah the bliss of the last 6 days lol x

Doesn't need to be stroppy unless they know about the issue and are trampling all over your ds's feelings anyway the sn mum glint of steel will shine through no matter what :)

I don't have a DC with SN, but I would not let the child who upset my DC sleep in our tent. I have learnt (have teenage DCs) that your own children need to know that you are in their corner.

It's not your DS's fault that no one else was prepared to lend a tent for the sleep out, but it seems that he will be the one who suffers.

Agree with Purple that you don't need to be stroppy. Just put your point of view in a calm, but measured, way.

From what i know of having an sn child in ms education, stroppy is fairly mild when getting one's point heard

no, the other boy can sleep in the tent of a child who he does like enough to invite to his party surely?

I would go to school and explain the situation. The staff cant do anything about the shitty party behaviour but they wont want to escalate possible conflict in the class as it doesnt make their lives any easier. I d see if there was mileage in getting another tent organised so the boys can be in 2 groups. You could call it a reasonable adjustment for your sons asd.
You may need to explain things in some detail though as the lack of knowledge and understanding of asd in mainstream settings can be gobsmacking.

I am really sorry your son was treated unkindly.

I am going into school this morning and will update later. Thanks for your support and kind words x

Good luck :)

Ive been into school today. There weren't aware that my son had been left out. Teacher is going to speak to other boy about being mean and my son about what he would like to happen. She did ask me to source another tent to rectify the situation. Shes going to try circle time and see what comes of that. I will be getting an update later xx

Any news OP?
It's a bit rich asking you to source another tent as you were kind enogh to lend the first one.

I don't think its fair to say the boy bullied OPs son by excluding him. After all its the parents that do the actual inviting, it could easily be twatty parents doing the excluding rather than the child.

Even as an adult I would be extremely upset about being left out. I would never allow a child to be left out like that. How hurtful! My grandson invites the whole class or nothing. What ever you decide I do hope your son soon feels an accepted and loved member of the class soon.