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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you about sex in pregnancy?

31 replies

CinnamonSal · 12/09/2012 00:07

I can see it far enough. I don't have the slightest inclination to do it. I am now in my 3rd trimester and can probably count on one hand how many times we have 'done it' since i fell pregnant. Feel a bit bad for DP (not that bad right enough). AIBU to him??

OP posts:

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 12/09/2012 00:10

I wasn't that keen. But DH and I spoke about it. Have you and your DH spoken?

WelshMaenad · 12/09/2012 00:14

Maybe you could indulge in some alternative pleasures? I was the opposite, raging horn in pregnancy and first six months after baby, now far too knackered. I do think intimacy, not necessarily sex, is important in a relationship though. What about showering together, get him to scrub your back, a little hand relief, getting busy with the showerhead...?

AnyFucker · 12/09/2012 00:14

I didn't have ANY at all for my 4 pg's

Only 2 went to term by that still makes a total of about 2.5 YEARS without piv sex

His cock didn't fall off, funnily enough, nor did his balls go blue

He'll live

Softlysoftly · 12/09/2012 00:16

Too scared of another mc to do it so in my two successful pg we've been dry.

solidgoldbrass · 12/09/2012 00:19

Is your DH unhappy about the lack of sex? Have you reassured him that you still love him, and are the two of you still affectionate and kind and respectful to each other?

Basically some people find pregnancy makes them keener on sex and others that it puts them off (irrespective of gender). It can be managed fine as long as partners keep communicating with one another.

sleepingbunnies · 12/09/2012 00:19

With first pregnancy I was horny as anything and literally used to jump on DP the second he walked through the door!

Think he kept waiting for that to happen with our second but it never did! I was too tired, working full time, being pregnant and having a toddler did NOT boost my sex drive at all!!

terrywoganstrousers · 12/09/2012 00:21

I turn into a raging sex pest when pregnant
DP was initially a bit weirded out by it but soon got over it.
We stopped for a week or so after I had a bit of post coital spotting on holiday ( but we had been, ahem, quite vigorous so we just toned it down and all was well.
I think as long as you're both happy with the situation then anything goes!

Pendeen · 12/09/2012 00:21

It's not all or nothing you know.

Sex doesn't just mean, 'in-out-in-out-OMG-pullitout'

Even when PG, we still have hands, mouth plus imagination.

There are many ways to happiness...

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2012 00:22

I think pregnancy or not, often the trouble with a lack of sex is, the less you have it the less you want it.

YANBU if that's how you feel, but do you ever have romantic nights/spend time just the two of you?

If not, it might make a difference to how you feel.

Original poster

CinnamonSal · 12/09/2012 00:31

Yes we have spoke about it. Its not his ideal situation but theres been no pressure. The problem is i dont want to do anything...kiss, hands, mouth etc. Scared i am weird!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2012 00:43

Well you're not weird...but you're obviously not totally happy with it either.

Do you make much time for yourselves to just be a couple? You know, restaurants or cinema etc?

Pochemuchka · 12/09/2012 00:46

Same as sleepingbunnies.

First pregnancy I couldn't get enough.

Second I couldn't be bothered (ill, tired, toddler not sleeping through etc)

This one I'm in the middle.

Have weeks where I want lots and have also had spells where I am totally disinterested.
At the moment? I'd rather MN! :)

Original poster

CinnamonSal · 12/09/2012 00:58

Worra - not really to be honest. It's been a pretty hard pregnancy with one thing or another. We have planned a 'date night' for this weekend. Although i can't see it getting me in the mood!

Not to drip feed but i have been put on prozac due to depression very recently. I worry this is the main culprit.

OP posts:

Startailoforangeandgold · 12/09/2012 01:01

I don't recall PG changing either of our sex drive much. I had sex less when I was expecting DD1 than when I was TTC, but that's because she took her time and their was a lot of trying.

Also Sex does induce labour, I was jolly glad about this I didn't want to be induced.

Startailoforangeandgold · 12/09/2012 01:03

oh pooh sticks, There there there!

I can't laugh at "There" exam results in a report from school if I can't get it right myself

RubyFakeNails · 12/09/2012 02:17

Dh really fancied me when pregnant and I was alright with it during the first.

However after getting pregnant within a month of having dd1 I wouldn't let DH near me after halfway through second pregnancy or for a good while after the birth.

Third preg had quite a lot of sex but most of it was a bit dodgy.

I don't know if you've seen 'Knocked Up' but there's a sex scene in that film which brought back quite a few memories.

BoomerGold · 12/09/2012 06:22

I agree with Worra when she says the less you have it, the less you want it. I haven't had sex with my bf for at least 3 months and although initially I was upset with his lack of interest, now I just relieve myself if it builds up.

During my pregnancy I was sex crazy. I used to bang the hell out of my bf in all rooms of the house. I guess you can go one way or the other during pregnancy.

Be careful though. My child was born a month premature because we had sex. I won't let that happen a second time.

thebeesnees79 · 12/09/2012 07:41

I never enjoyed it with my first two pregnancys. I have this time though :)
with my first I had bad stitching after am episiotomy and couldn't have sex for over 8 months as it had to be repaired under general. so if you enjoy it get it while you can lol

farfallarocks · 12/09/2012 08:28

I am keen but definitely as much as before pregnancy and when ttc, we had so much sex then it was almost all I thought about.
I am also quite, ahem, dry.
However, DH totally not keen at all, weirds him out and it feels wrong to him. He knows he can't hurt the baby but he does not want to be near her in that way. We have talked about it a lot as I got a bit upset about it, he reassures its not because he not fancy me etc so I just have to respect his feelings on the matter for now.

newmum001 · 12/09/2012 08:35

We didn't have sex once during my pregnancy. The thought of it made my skin crawl although i don't know why. Afterwards due to stitches etc it took ages to get back to how it used to be. But it did eventually get back to normal. If he's fine with it i wouldn't worry but talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Bellyjaby · 12/09/2012 08:54

No sex during my last or this pregnancy. I've suffered with bad spd both times though and as oh says I can't lie still for two seconds and there's nothing sexy about saying "ouch my hips/pelvis/fanny", moving and breaking rhythm! We tried for both dcs, but with dd we lived in similar time zones and there was some spontaneity. I developed an illness in the middle of dd and dc2 pregnancy that means I'm so tired I need more sleep than oh, so when trying for dc2 it was all so planned and got so unsexy we were both glad to not do it for a while!

Hopefully when we're settled with dc2 and new GP gets my illness stabilised we can o back to having some fun time

Nymia · 12/09/2012 10:25

I'm 37 weeks. I want sex as much as ever, but my pregnancy is now at that stage where I'm very aware that there is a HUMAN HEAD sitting in my PELVIS -and p-i-v sex doesn't feel right or comfortable! Doesn't help that baby is heavy and there doesn't seem to be any comfortable position for me.

Oral sex for both of us has been off the menu for a while, my bits feel different/wrong and I get frustrated easily with it; and since very early pregnancy my gag reflex seems to have gotten stronger and moved forward so BJs are out of the question as it feels like I'll lose my lunch after 30 seconds.

I do desperately fancy my DH but I just want to touch/cuddle him now instead of having sex. Whenever he makes a reference to "lasting longer" it makes me cringe and think "please don't! A quickie is about all I can manage!"

Can't wait to not be pregnant again.

hairytale · 12/09/2012 11:10

If you don't want sex, don't have sex. As AF says men do not combust from lack of sex.

wigglesrock · 12/09/2012 11:47

I didn't have much sex or intimacy at all during any of my 3 pregnancies. I was too tired, ill or vomiting to even think about it. We spoke about it, I said I missed him but I had feck all interest in it. He lived, we got it back.

BartletForTeamGB · 12/09/2012 12:11

I find I don't have much desire for it most of the time, but I do really enjoy it when we get going, as it were. I think it is important to have physical contact (from hugs to full sex). Yes, I took take the whole "he won't die from it" approach, but our marriage is based on give and take in every aspect and I think it is an important part of our marriage.

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