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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving 5yo alone for less than five minutes?

50 replies

Lowla · 11/09/2012 17:01

My daughter has autism and hates the rain. I had planned to nip to the shops on the walk home from school with her but it started to rain, she started to scream, so we rushed right home.

After i calmed her down, dried her off etc, I put Fireman Sam on for her and gave her a snack. I still really had to go to the shops, so I asked dd if she wanted to come and she said no as it was still raining.

The shop's literally next door to my house. i.e. you walk out my front door and the shop's door is less than five feet away. So i made sure dd was okay, made sure there was nothing dangerous she could get hold of, told her i was going to the shops and nipped out. I timed myself and i was less than 3 minutes.

When i got back, dd was in the exact same position and seemed to not even notice i'd gone. But my friend has just text saying she passed me in the car and asked where dd was. I explained i'd left her and my friend went mad at me! She said it was illegal and i was terrible etc.

As far as i know, it's not illegal to leave a child alone for a short period. What's illegal is neglecting them or putting them in danger. I'd removed all sorts of dangerous things from dd's reach before i left.

I now feel really guilty and scared she'll phone someone on me! It was paracetemol and 'lady bits' i needed . I went to the school straight from work so couldn't have gone to the shop before collecting dd.

Was i being unreasonable leaving her?

OP posts:

Moominsarescary · 11/09/2012 17:37

Yanbu the shops next door, tell your friend to get a grip

Flisspaps · 11/09/2012 17:37

YABU for using the phrase 'lady bits' but nothing else

alienreflux · 11/09/2012 17:37

this 'friend' doesn't sound like a friend. as everyone has said, you could have been hanging the washing, putting a load on, having a shit, wtf does it matter?! it's the length of time you leave them, and not that you are not in the four walls, stupid cow needs to get a life. I would be reeeeeaaaalllly pissed off if a so called friend called me out on something like that, knowing as she must you are a good mother.

Badvoc · 11/09/2012 17:39

I think you are fine op.
You were less than 10 feet away and were back in less than 3 mins...

TalkinPeace2 · 11/09/2012 17:40

YANBU.
You did the sane thing.

My kids are older but I can go out for hours and they do not notice - I locked myself out once and the sods were so engrossed in their game they did not answer the door !!!

5madthings · 11/09/2012 17:40

yanbu at all, your friend is wrong it is not illegal and she doesnt sound much of a friend tbh.

you know your child and you did what was necessary in the circumstances.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/09/2012 17:43

I also think it's fine, although I've seen other threads on Mumsnet with similar facts go very differently. Not much risk in popping for a few minutes to the shop next door while your DD watched TV.

onceortwice · 11/09/2012 17:55

My DS is HFA.

In my PoV, YANBU.

I often drive out of my way to go to a M&S which also is a pretrol station, so I can park outside. One time, someone had a go at me and a (lovely) young man stood up for me. and said it was fine. And it IS fine.

I already rarely go out because of DS's inability to cope with situations. Sometimes, you actually really do need food / stuff. You actually just have to do what you need to do.

You put your child in the best possibile situation. THat might not work for all kids, but works for yours.

Original poster

Lowla · 11/09/2012 18:24

My daughter can be a bit boisterous i suppose, just like all 5yos. But her autism doesn't make her unaware of danger etc. She wouldn't go out her way to hurt herself or do anything silly.

And once Fireman Sam's on, she's engrossed. The only thing worrying me is if she started to spontaneously cry or something, but that would have been very unusual for her.

OP posts:

GoldenSeptember · 11/09/2012 18:28

"Posted about it once on another forum full of hysterical muppets and got an absolute pasting, which was hilarious." Are you sure it wasn't this forum full of hysterical muppets that gave you a pasting WelshMaenad?

But what if the shop had been held up by an armed robber whilst you were in it?
What if you'd been knocked over by a car mounting the pavement?
What if a burglar/paedophile had seen you leave and immediately broken in?
What if the tv had caught fire right in front of your DD?!
What if a rabid tiger had burst through the window and mauled your DD?
What if she had spontaneously combusted?

How could you be so irresponsible OP???

YANBU really, obviously.

FrustratedSycamorePants · 11/09/2012 18:57

We're you pasted on that other site that we don't talk about?

moajab · 11/09/2012 19:14

I always think if the shop was held up by an armed robber or I was run over by a bus I would far rather my DC were safe at home than being shot at or squashed with me!

HeadfirstForHalos · 11/09/2012 19:14

My ds1 has autism and if the tv was on he wouldn't move an inch, now, and at the age of 5. Not all children with autism are the same. He was/is also obsessed with rules and follows them to the letter.

OP YANBU.

HeadfirstForHalos · 11/09/2012 19:16

I love the "what if's"

recall · 11/09/2012 19:18

YANBU, it is just like going for a poo

Flojo1979 · 11/09/2012 19:21

Like others have said, it probably takes longer to peg the washing out.
But I personally wouldn't leave an autistic child to even peg out!

degutastic · 11/09/2012 19:28

I'd removed all sorts of dangerous things from dd's reach before i left.

Makes it sound like you have a house full of swords, guns, cyanide and rabid wolves you had to lock up before you could go out

Sounds perfectly sensible to me

HeadfirstForHalos · 11/09/2012 20:54

I personally wouldn't leave an autistic child to even peg out!

The doctor that gave my ds a diagnosis wisely told me that if you've met one autistic child, you've met one autistic child.

I'm not keen on people generalising children with autism. Like all NT are not the same, neither are all children with autism/special needs.

HeadfirstForHalos · 11/09/2012 20:54

Sorry, the first sentence was meant to be in quotation marks.

Virgil · 11/09/2012 20:58

I frequently go to feed the chickens at the bottom of the field and leave DS2 (5) in front of the tv. Somehow though this feels different from going into a shop next door but I guess it isn't really.

BoomerGold · 11/09/2012 21:02

You know yourself if it was safe to leave your child for less than five minutes. You wouldn't have done it otherwise, despite knowing that it's not ideal in the eyes of many.

I would suggest, however, that since the shop is so close, dig out a baby monitor in case the need arises again. (Obviously one with a cordless receiver)

Vagaceratops · 11/09/2012 21:05

YANBU

And I say that as the mother of a 5yo with ASD. I couldnt leave him, but only you know your dd.

WelshMaenad · 11/09/2012 21:20

Lol, September! Nope, I generally find MN'ers quite sensible!

GoldenSeptember · 11/09/2012 21:32

halcyondays · 11/09/2012 22:13

Yanbu, it's no different to going to out the bin out or going to the toilet, as you were only gone for a minute. Dd1 is 6 and has Aspergers and I wouldn't see a problem with this. She used to really hate the rain too, but luckily now she's not so bad, especially if she has her boots on and can splash in puddles.

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