to not want to appreciate the fact that DH has hoovered up ?

[expectmiracles]

MY DH has his own company which means he works 24/7 especially at the moment as there's lots of stress and not much money.
So my part time work has slowly become full time and I'm starting to resent the fact that I am doing everything else as well.
I spoke to Dh who suggested that the kids do more... I do get them to help out but in reality them helping out takes longer and requires more energy than doing it myself.
Dh also says that I should create lists and delegate the tasks around the house which " I " want support with .
What he doesn't get is that I don't want to have to delegate . I want him to take the initiative! Why can't he create the lists and give me tasks instead ?

Dh also wants recognition when he does do the washing up or hoovers a floor... like he's done me a favour !

You could both do varied hours of housework but aim to have the same amount of free time off a the end of the day maybe?

I will start to say thank you for each thing he does, if he does the same for me, today I made beds vacuumed did dishes and will cook dinner, clean up and do some ironing. He went to his friends boat shop to do "stuff"

you could both sit down and finish at at certain time each day - so if he gets home before that time then he muck in with the house work and childcare until that time or you finish whichever is sooner.

but as so much of it is down to you it makes sense that you delegate - he wants to help and should where there is time so you know what needs doing and use his time effectively - manage the household. The more efficient you get it the more free time you all have.

make sure you schedule in a lie in each on the weekend and have a family calendar so can all see where each other is.

OP, does he get that household management is a job? And if you are doing all of the household management job it will mean that you do less of the other jobs ie the actual tasks?

Do you need to have a more general talk with him about looking for done other kind of work than his business, or limiting it if you are now working full time?

Thanks ennis.

Any chance you could share tasks like doing the washing up together or cooking a meal together so that the work feels a bit more pleasant and gives you time to be a couple?

I have to say I disagree that long hours are an excuse for behaving all entiltled when it comes to housework. Occasionally - yes, all the time, no.

"OP, does he get that household management is a job? And if you are doing all of the household management job it will mean that you do less of the other jobs ie the actual tasks?"

If this is really the case, and frankly I do think it is highly exaggerated unless you happen to live in a large house with servants and do large scale entertaining on a regular basis, would any of you be happy with your husband taking the "management" role, doing less himself and assigning you tasks?

larry, by it being "a job" I meant that planning out who did which tasks took time. Not necessarily lots of time but some time. Working on the model that each partner should have the same amount of free time, planning time should be included.

And my understanding from the OP is that the DH thinks she should have the management role and she doesn't want it, she wants shared responsibilty. The 'management' role is not some great prize here.

Of course it's a job. What else is it, something that gets done by the magic twinkly fairies?

It's like people saying teachers doing lesson prep isn't 'work' (which I've heard too much today). Yes, actually it is!

LRD,

So, if it is a job, would you accept your partner doing it instead of some actual housework and delegating your actual tasks to you?

He does. Why wouldn't he?

He knows it's a job, too.

YANBU. I like the sticker chart idea... choose any reward that works

DH has the housework 'management' role in our house (he has hired a cleaner to do much of the actual cleaning - he remembers to pay her, and nags reminds me when we need to tidy up for her though). I am strategically incompetent at every kind of wifework.

I hate it when men.say "i washed up for you". Er no, you did the washing up but it wasn't for me and what do you want, a medal?!

Well, if you have both eaten the meal, it was 50% for you if he did your washing up as well.

I guess I do the "management" in our home though we have a cleaner for 9 hours a week. I would never think of it as a job though. It is just not time consuming or hard enough to be one. Otherwise, you might as well consider making a cup of tea "a job" in the sense that it is something that you have to do (if you want to drink tea).

The best management of housework is just tidying up when you see a mess and paying a cleaner for the rest. Maybe all of you who have posted do have country piles, though, and do large scale entertaining.

So does your cleaner consider the 9 hours they do in your house a job then? If they don't I do hope you're not paying them to hang out in your home.

Get a cleaner, and then write a list of jobs that need to be done to maintain the house between visits from the cleaner.

Then the phrase should be " I've done the washing up for us"

HTH.

Schnarkle,

The discussion was whether the "management" of household duties is a job or not, not whether the actual chores are.