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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry and offended by this woman's views?

27 replies

joona · 11/09/2012 13:53

Browsing through facebook i came across a status update that referred to an episode of 'one born every minute' which had just been aired. The writer of the status was talking about a 17 year old girl who had featured in the show, who was a single mother as the father of the child was in prison.

The girl on the show had said she was shocked & upset when she initially found she was pregnant, but chose to keep the baby and now she wouldnt change him for the world.

The status in question said that this girl didnt deserve to have children, as the baby wasnt planned and there are so many couples trying and failing. She also said that the girl was 'selfish' for bringing the baby up alone, and that babies should only be born into commited, secure relationships.

I too am a single mother to two sons, one of which is severely disabled, and both have different fathers. And in my opinion, choosing to change your entire life to bring up an unplanned child alone is the least selfish thing you could ever do!

AIBUR to be angry & offended by this womans views? (Woman in question is married with no children)

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 11/09/2012 13:55

My guess is that the woman who posted this status is TTC and not having any luck, and hence bitter and venting about others to whom a baby seems to come easily.

MarysBeard · 11/09/2012 13:57

Say what you said in the last paragraph in a comment on Facebook.

ledkr · 11/09/2012 13:58

YABU to be offended by a silly strangers comments on facebook. Just ignore it. Thats why I dont do facebook its bloody annoying.

Tee2072 · 11/09/2012 14:00

Hide her and her status and put her small minded ignorant views out of your mind forever.

Or unfriend her.

It's FB. It isn't required.

bradbourne · 11/09/2012 14:00

YABU. The other woman is entitled to her views, just as you are entitled to yours.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 11/09/2012 14:02

She sounds nasty and bitter but the best thing you can do is just ignore ignore ignore

Original poster
joona · 11/09/2012 14:04

I posted a comment on her status to say that i have been in that young girls situation, and that i couldnt agree that what she was doing could be called 'selfish' .. then the woman turned on me because i dared to disagree with her. She became very personal, bringing up the fact that i have 2 children with 2 fathers, neither or which i am in a relationship with anymore (although i was engaged to both of them when i concieved).

OP posts:
stifnstav · 11/09/2012 14:07

Wowsers! She has a big bee in her bonnet to retaliate like that!

Original poster
joona · 11/09/2012 14:09

bradbourne yes she is entitled to her views... but when she starts judging me personaly over a situation she's never found herself in, i do feel i have a right to be offended and angry. Especialy when she was doing it so publicly on her facebook status for all to see.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 11/09/2012 14:10

She sounds like a loon.

Unfriend.

Original poster
joona · 11/09/2012 14:15

Tee2072 I did, as soon as i had given as good as i got lol.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 11/09/2012 14:15

Tell her any married 'couple' are only one affair away from divorce at any given time....if they have dc, what then?

MarysBeard · 11/09/2012 14:16

Unfriend her, definitely, on FB and IRL!

oldraver · 11/09/2012 14:16

Just what is a stable relationship to her ?

One where you partner agrees not to die, or go off with someone else ? Woe betide she finds herself unexpectedly on her own.

No one knows what the future holds for us,

Tee2072 · 11/09/2012 14:20

"Tell her any married 'couple' are only one affair away from divorce at any given time"

What a crock. An affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage.

joona good for you! Get the last word and get out! Grin

ledkr · 11/09/2012 14:27

Tee-it would mean the end of mine as it did with the last one. Grin

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 11/09/2012 14:29

Sounds like she's struggling to conceive. Don't take it personally, it must be the moat consuming, painful and irrational type of jealousy Sad

Paiviaso · 11/09/2012 14:40

"babies should only be born into commited, secure relationships." Well I think this bit is pretty sound - I also think babies should be born into secure, committed relationships. If you don't think its important OP, ok, but some of us do.

"this girl didnt deserve to have children, as the baby wasnt planned and there are so many couples trying and failing." This is a bit weird, it does invoke some sort of jealous that she doesn't have children vibe. Maybe she has issues you don't know about.

Just hide her statuses if they angering you.

ClippedPhoenix · 11/09/2012 14:50

Sounds like she has some issues doesn't it op Sad Not sure if I'd have reacted quite as much as you about it all though. Freedom of speach and all that, everyone entitled to their own opinions blah blah.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 11/09/2012 15:03

Tbh I have had a few meoments when I have thought things like that, not about single young mothers so much (I was a teenage mum although later married and divorced dcs dad) but about people who don't realise how lucky they are. It can be awful when ttc and jealousy is horrible but sometimes you just can't help it!

my cousin who now has 3 children by 3 different fathers and only has custody of the youngest, which she will keep if her relationship lasts if not she will palm this one off like her others

Original poster
joona · 11/09/2012 15:05

paiviaso yes i agree, in an ideal world all children would be born into secure relationships... But this isnt an ideal world, far from it infact.

My eldest sons father left me as soon as i told him i was pregnant, even though we had been engaged for 2 years, together for 5 in total. Does that mean i would have been less selfish to give up my baby than choose to bring him up alone?

My second son's father left me when our son was born.. (he has severe cerebral palsy, epilepsy, is registered blind & has to be fed via a tube in his stomach.)

And clippedpheonix i didnt really react as such, i just agreed with her initial comment that single mothers were selfish for bringing children into a broken relationship... She's a bit of a stuck up trollop, a 'holier than thou' type who couldnt bare anyone that disagreed with her view... I only reacted and got angry when she started making personal comments about me and my situation, implying that my kids are not as well looked after as they would be in a 'stable relationship' etc

OP posts:
Original poster
joona · 11/09/2012 15:09

disagreed with her initial comment about single mothers being selfish for bringing a baby into a broken relationship the above comment was supposed to say.

Please excuse the typo.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 11/09/2012 15:19

Why is this woman one of your "friends"? You don't seem to like each other much or have much in common. I'd defriend her and only have facebook friends you like.

Original poster
joona · 11/09/2012 15:33

I have unfriended her. She wasnt really a friend as such, just somebody i went to school with. We live in the same town and said hi if we bumped into eachother but thats about it. I'd say she was an aquaintence, not a friend.

OP posts:
hairytale · 11/09/2012 15:33

As someone who struggled to have a baby (and had three miscarriages and then a baby at 43 - hurrah!). I find this "don't deserve" thing really fucking odd. It isn't about who deserves babies, it's biological. Yanbu. Sibu.

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