My brothers both forgot DS's first birthday

[JacqueslePeacock]

I am feeling really hurt about this but suspect I might be being unreasonable.

Both brothers are a lot older than me and their DC are 10-25 years old. In 25 years I have only once forgotten one of their birthdays - years ago when my niece was 13. My mother rang and told me that DB1 was extremely upset, so I quickly sent a nice gift and a "belated birthday" card apologising for being a forgetful idiot. I was eventually forgiven but it was quite a big deal at the time.

Last week my PFB turned one. Neither DB1 nor DB2 sent even a card. I feel really sad for DS. Especially since all of DH's family, down to his great aunties and even some of his parents' friends, sent cards and gifts. I know some families just don't do birthdays, but that isn't the case with mine.

I wish I could say something to them, but what could I say? I don't want to make a big family drama (my family has too many of those already). AIBU even to be bothering about this?

You could wait until the next birthday of one of their DC's, omit to send anything, and when they say "Eh, wtf?", go, "Oh I thought we weren't going to do birthdays any more, isn't that why you didn't send DS anything?". Muhahah.

Siblings on both mine and Dh's side never acknowledge out kids birthdays, I'd just get over it. The kids are more important to you and Dh than anyone else in the world. The Grandparents usually remember other than that no one seems to care.
I still send out pictures in Christmas cards and emails.

YANBU. DH's bro forgot DS' birthday this year (remembered Dd's though) and I found it really upsetting. Honestly, I don't expect people to fawn over my snowflake children 24/7 but they are the only niece:nephew on both sides of the family and I think it's a bit crap that he couldn't even organise himself to send a card/contact us for months etc. I did a related AIBU and got mullered by the highandmighties but I still don't think I was BU to be hurt and neither are you.

YANBU. We had this happen, not saying it was malicious but definitely selective memories when it came to birthdays and anniversaries. Assume they don't do birthdays any more and don't bother buying gifts unless you are under their roof or invited to a venue to celebrate.

If the subject is raised by DM just shrug it off. Enjoy your DH's side of the family's input and be meticulous about thanking anyone who acknowledges your LO's birthday.

well, just wanted to share that my dad didn't send even a token present or even an e-card for the birth of his only grandchild, and neither sil, mil and two bil. we have a v good relashionship with them (i still think so)
plenty of friend showed they were sharing in our happiness especially we lost dd1 at 3 weeks last year. i have no idea why they think a simple acknowledgement beyond an sms is so difficult

so for the typos, bf my 12wo and typing with one finger, badly ...

that should have been 'sorry'
sorry

The thing is, if I don't bother buying gifts for their DCs, then the DCs lose out rather than my DBs, and that doesn't seem fair. Plus I want to put the effort into maintaining a relationship with my nieces and nephews as it really means something to me. I'm just sad they don't seem to feel the same. One of my DBs has never even seen DS and that hurts too, although I know he is very busy. I guess this is more of a general relationship problem than just a card issue....

Oh and sorry to all of you who are in/have been in the same situation and have shared stories. It's miserable, isn't it!