AIBU to think there is a difference? Warning this is a rant.

[Pocketsocks]

In my opinion there is a big difference between "This situation is a complete cluster fuck and I am very cross and upset therefore my tone of voice reflects my mood and my language may well be peppered with expletives and I am not of the opinion that your response to me is entirely helpful in this instance. I just require to get it off my chest." and

"you're an arsehole it's all your fault and I expect you to magically fix the problem and I am very annoyed with you and everything I say is a direct reflection of you"

Yes I just had an argument with DP and needed to get it out. The children just don't seem the appropriate audience and I'm damned if I'm airing my laundry on FaceBook so you are the next best thing to a human being in person. This is the bazillionth time we have had this issue this week and yes I know I should watch my tone yadda yadda feel free to slaughter me but c'mon 6 years and he still doesn't get this?! Gah!

What is the actual problem?!

I don't understand at all. What exactly is the issue?

Do you need to make a little sign for him, like Sheldon's 'sarcasm' sign in the big bang theory?

The issue is in DP's mind everytime I'm using my angry voice I'm blaming him instead of angry at the world.

Yes clearly I do need one of those signs BigHairyFlowers!

I totally get that, I want to unload that doesn't make it-

1- your fault

2 - something that you need to fix for me

It's not very nice to have someone using their angry voice at you, even if they are not actively blaming you for their anger.

I sympathise with your DP actually. I imagine it could get quite tiresome having someone using their 'angry voice' and swearing about whatever latest thing has set them off, and expecting you to be their verbal punchbag. I have no time for adults having temper tantrums.

The fact that you refer to 'every time' this happens suggests it wasn't just a one-off either.

My DH has this issue. Every time I say, "Aaaarrrgrhhh, I tripped over the laundry basket" or similar he feels the need to tell me he didn't leave it there or it wasn't him. I know, I didn't say it was.

Oh, and DH is shouty too so he isn't a delicate flower who needs protected from loudy me.

I hardly think I mentioned that my "angry voice" involves shouting and swearing like a deranged fishwife. As MrsTerrys puts it DP is hardly a cowering mess, if anything he's the more "agressive" of the two of us. The fact of the matter is "everytime" doesn't mean I'm a ticking tim bomb waiting to go off it just means that say in a week I have sworn because I've stubbed my toe, growled about being unexpectedly out of sugar and scowled because something has broken, does not mean that a) I'm having temper tantrums every 5 minutes b) reducing my DP to a gibbering wreak with my violent outbursts or c) expect him to react in the way I started this thread for. While I expect a pasting for posting here in the first place I don't think there's any point in jumping all over my choice of language when I'm trying to use the basest idea in order to explain myself.

Does everyone's "angry voice" sound the same. Did I say I was ripping his head off? If I say in what I believe to be a neutral voice "DP I am really bloody frustrated with something that happened today" and I expect him not to jump down my throat telling me it;s not his fault and I shouldn't go off on one at him, I hardly think that's me with the temper tantrum. Which was the entire point of this thread. DP always taking what I think to be reasobale sighing and grumbling frustration to be a a launch of a personal attack and evil bitch tone. Which I disagree with.

However I thank everyone for their input. I will watch my tone even further in futire and make sure that I am not bombarding DP with endless tales of woe and agitation.

Crickey! You don't really sound like a bundle of fun to be with.

I felt a little scared of you just reading your post!

Well i haven't got a CLUE what you are talking about, but i fully intend to use the phrase "cluster fuck" at some point

If I were a superhero my superhero name would be The Rage.
DC pointed out that I can't be a female Hulk (don't make me angry) bursting out of her clothes. It would be rude, boobs everywhere!

I sympathise with your troubles making you feel that way.

Have this from me and breeeaaattthhhheeeee.

I totally get you - My ex used to get so angry at me for 'talking to him like he was a c*nt' when I was just having a rant - he couldn;t 'get' that it wasn't personal or aimed at him I was JUST PISSED OFF

He is - as I said, now my ex

My ex was like this. That's why he's my ex. I couldn't express myself at all without him thinking it was aimed at him and not the world in general. I think this is what you mean.

Oh Gordy, are you me?

YANBU.

I get you.

YANBU.

I don't know - are you? am I ? maybe

I had this with dh. I explained to him that sometimes I rant, it's not aimed at him but sometimes I'm stressed or have pmt and I need a rant and once it's over I'm happy again as I have got things of my chest. I explained that it's not blaming him or his fault. He just needs to nod and agree until it's over. He gets it now and he knows if I'm ranting at him or just at the world in general.

Oh and ya quite obviously nbu

DH does this and it pisses me right off. My response to a general rage is always to ask him how whatever it is that has happened is my fault. When he says "it isn't your fault", I ask him why he is acting as if it is my fault.

The effect is to put him on the back foot best place for him.