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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask a grandad to pick up child lying at edge of millenium bridge

55 replies

urbanproserpine · 10/09/2012 11:50

I had to say something.

Walking across millennium bridge in London yesterday with my DSs and passed a Grandad and his 2.5 - 3YO. boy had one of those backpack/harnesses on, and was lying on the edge of the bridge, actually against the tensile steel cables that form the guard rails (nothing beyond that except a long drop and the Thames). His Grandad was tugging the harness to persuade him to get up, but was also taking pictures of the view and not really looking that bothered. I stopped a few steps down and looked back, and eventually I went back and said I though he should get the little boy to stand up. He refused and said he was fine, but I watched from afar until he eventually got up. I had one of those moments when you imagine what might happen and can't walk by.. I would bet that his mum wouldjn't have let him do that...

This bridge makes me feel tense because the cables are horizontal, and any child could get up and over in a moment, and it would be 'Goodnight Vienna' for certain. I always make my small DCs hold my hands across there...

AIBU?

OP posts:

missymoomoomee · 10/09/2012 13:05

sorry Nan I just sent a cheque to you by pigeon, it shouls be there sometime next year, let me know if it doesn't arrive.

ToffeePenny · 10/09/2012 13:19

If he was lying on the slope bit (i.e. resting on the wires) as shown here

linky

then I'd have probably felt the same as they do look as if they could part and allow a skinny toddler to slip through (they can't - you'd be hard pressed to move them apart a few millimetres but they look as if they could)

Original poster

urbanproserpine · 10/09/2012 13:30

Exactly that toffeepenny

OP posts:

zippey · 10/09/2012 14:02

Two points, I think its fair to say you were over-reacting and that most people would take offence at you saying something, but I hope that doesnt stop you from taking action to avert danger in a more appropriate situation. Its a difficult dilemma. But maybe we are too risk averse these days?

choceyes · 10/09/2012 14:09

oooh that would concern me too OP, seeing that photo. I wouldn't have said anything, but I'd have an anxious feeling about any small child being that position. I have been on the millenium bridge, but I can't remember how widely spaced the railings are. It's not a risk I would take though.

edam · 10/09/2012 14:16

If it was like the most recent photo, with him above the upright metal bit at the bottom, I can see why you were nervous.

Original poster

urbanproserpine · 10/09/2012 14:20

Also, I forgot to say, that we spoke to them earlier as the little boy came up to my DSs when we were having our lunch: we smiled said hello, and I said hello to the little boy..
Also it was the marathon and Thames Festival, so people were talking to each other a lot more than normal. IYKWIM

OP posts:

cheekybarsteward · 10/09/2012 14:30

I'm on your side urban, just looking at the link made me feel scared. I hate bridges and the thought of anything bad happening would have made me comment

WhatYouLookingAt · 10/09/2012 14:37

What on earth did you actually say though? I wouldn't have been to happy if I were him.

PropertyNightmare · 10/09/2012 14:39

Yanbu. If you genuinely feared for the little boy's safety then you were right to speak up.

FannyFifer · 10/09/2012 14:45

I think you were right and can see why you were uncomfortable, I hate bridges.

BlackberryIce · 10/09/2012 16:58

I can't believe it's unsafe..... There would have been dome accidents already surely!

LaurieFairyCake · 10/09/2012 17:02

I too have had an experience like that recently - I was at the Olympic Stadium and the dad behind me allowed his toddler to stand on the fold-down seat beside me - I spent the entire time watching him out the corner of my eye as he could easily have fallen backwards and hit the concrete of the row in front of us - a 5foot drop onto concrete.

I actually reflex actioned to grab him when he staggered backwards - and the dad snickered

He was about 15-18 months so really small.

out2lunch · 10/09/2012 17:11

i have been on that bridge when it first opened - it is very scary the handrails are below waist height so you don't feel protected at all

i would do exactly as you did op and have done so in the past on other occasions - you just feel the need to say something its instinct really i don't think it through

chandellina · 10/09/2012 19:36

Yanbu, I've often thought a small child could slip under the wire at the base of the bridge.

HolyParalympicGoldBatman · 10/09/2012 19:51

YANBU

You saw a child you thought was in danger (he almost certainly wasn't, but I can see why you thought that he was). You politely (I assume?) spoke to the person looking after him about your concern. I can't see why that's unreasonable.

I'm glad there are people like you who keep an eye out for other people's kids. It's nice.

Also, if there had been a freak accident and he had managed to fall in, how terrible would you have felt if you had seen him, but said nothing. This sort of thing always makes me think of the baby who got crushed by the falling lamp post. The chances of that happening must be sooo small, but it just reminds you that freak accidents do happen.

scottishmummy · 10/09/2012 19:54

obviously you made a judgement call
ive no idea what that bridge is like
was the gp grateful you lifted the wean?

Wallace · 10/09/2012 20:01

Looking at that does make me feel a bit

I let my children do dangerous things, but I was very once when on a tree top walk and there was a small child on an adults shoulders...

CailinDana · 10/09/2012 20:04

Those photos are giving me the willies but I have an almost-phobia of bridges and heights so I'd probably have reacted the same way as you. It probably appeared dangerous when it wasn't, however, even the appearance of danger freaks me out so I would have been tempted to say something. What would have stopped me was the knowledge that the grandad was aware of what the toddler was doing and thus had made his own judgement about the safety of the situation.

The only time I would say something in this case would be if the toddler had been on his own some distance away from his carers.

catwoo · 10/09/2012 20:06

The wires only look to be about 8 cm apart and I am guessing thety are very tight.I don't think you could post a child through if you tried.However i think it was right to speak up if you are worried. If you are wrong then no harm done, if you are right....

Original poster

urbanproserpine · 11/09/2012 10:34

exactly catwoo - the consequences outweighed the inhibition. For the record, I don't think its an especially dangerous bridge, butwhen you are in a place with potential for danger you are responsible for yourself or those you are in charge of. A child could jump off any bridge if it wanted to...

OP posts:

NanAstley · 11/09/2012 10:37

I think there are two issues here :-

a) The unsettled feeling a bridge (in general, and the Millenium Bridge in particular) gives people. In that case, really, YABU. As catwoo says, you can't post a child through those wires. There are very strict rules about gaps, and there is no way the bridge is dangerous, irrespective of how you feel when on it.

b) If you feel a situation is dangerous, do you speak up? In that case, I agree with what you did and YANBU. As long as it does done politely iyswim, which I am sure you did.

Nancy66 · 11/09/2012 10:40

If the OP judged the child to be at risk then why would anyone have a go at her for speaking up?

Far better to have a worried individual (possibly) overreact than have someone who sees the danger but couldn't care less...

BonzoDooDah · 11/09/2012 10:49

I'm with you Urban. The bridge is safe and designed as safe for people standing vertically. It isn't designed to protect people who are horizontal. An adult wouldn't have fitted through but as there was a risk the child could then I couldn't have helped myself saying something either.

LaurieFairy the father snickered?? What a Prat!

WhatYouLookingAt · 11/09/2012 10:50

But evne if the child could theoretically have decided to leap off a bridge, OP said the child was wearing a harness thing that the adult had hold of.

So where is the danger then?

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