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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

teenage driver

24 replies

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 08:16

my two dc, 13 and 16 are due to go to a camp at the weekend. It is about 70 miles away including motorway driving and driving into outer London. They are sharing lifts with two 17 year olds.
One 17 year old was planning to drive her small car and take them.
AIBU in being twitchy about this? she is a sensible girl but only passed her test 2-3 months ago and only drives within a 10 mile radius at home.
They are all sensible but I am worried about the fact that none of them know the route or area and the lack of motorway experience for the driver.
Spoke to her father last night and he seemed amazed at my concerns. Offered to take all the kids there and back but have now settled on one way each. Am worried that I have upset the driver and father. Explained that it wasn't that I didn't trust her or her driving but that if anything happened, diversion, breakdown etc they were 4 youngish teenagers potentially out of their depth.
(The other factor is that their kit probably won't fit in the car)

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 10/09/2012 08:20

I'd be twitchy as well. Serious motorway driving is a whole different ball game to pootling around the locality. As is Outer London. At least it's a girl driving which helps - if you can be sure that she'll be the only one who's allowed to take control of the car. (Sometimes, people change places.)

Northernlurkerisbackatwork · 10/09/2012 08:23

I sympathise with the 17 yr old wanting to test her 'wings' but I would not put my dcs in a car with a recently qualified young driver. Last year when I (at 34) was recently qualified I was extremely cautious about driving other people's dcs anywhere. I changed a pick up place because I would have had to do a difficult right turn on a fast road at the first place suggested. This year with a year's driving behind me I'm fine and took 6 of them 100 miles to camp on motorway. It's about knowing your limitations. If you think somebody doesn't know them then there's no way I'd put my babies in harms way!

Northernlurkerisbackatwork · 10/09/2012 08:24

ok the journey was on a motorway. the camp wasn't

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 08:31

Thank you for replying. Was feeling a bit like an over cautious parent. Am happy for my DD to be driven 2 miles to their meetings but that's along a B road which they travel along at least twice a day.
Will now try and not worry about upsetting them, at least we offered to do both journeys so not to put her parents out if they were not available.
DD is convinced that the kit wouldn't fit anyway!!

OP posts:

RuleBritannia · 10/09/2012 08:34

I'm glad you qualified your post. I nearly got you there!

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 08:39

sorry Britannia, didn't get that comment

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cozietoesie · 10/09/2012 08:40

fridayfreedom

I think RuleBritannia was teasing Northernlurker.

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 08:41

ah, ok....bit braindead this morning!!!

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CelticParalympian · 10/09/2012 08:50

I'm sure I'll think differently when it's my child ( he's only three!) but I think I'd allow it. One of my friends used to drive us everywhere when we were teenagers, we used to go to a lot of football games all over the place. I also got a lift to a festival with another random friend when we were all 16/17, and drove to Glastonbury myself when I'd not long passed my test. 70 miles is not that far. Maybe you could ask that she has a motorway lesson? I did after my test and it was so useful.

cozietoesie · 10/09/2012 08:57

It's a difficult one, CelticParalympian. My fourth solo journey in a car was a 400 mile motorway trip - but that was when motorways were less busy and I started at 4 in the morning. Even so, I learned a heck of a lot. And I was alone in the car. I made it fine, if a bit tired.

I've seen different things from the youngsters in our own extended family. The only ones who have hit the driving age so far are testosterone filled boys and they are constantly winging things or getting into minor scrapes - around local roads. (Luckily they're all on 'spy in the sky' insurance policies so can't hit motorways and/or go above the speed limit but I've noticed a worrying almost total reliance on their satellite navigation systems to get them places. They don't seem to have quite the same road sense as we had to have back when we started.)

Maybe I'm being jaundiced.

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 08:59

I wouldn't be letting my DD drive if it was her driving. Would perhaps if there was an adult in the car but there isn't space.
They are due to go this weekend so no time for a lesson and travelling Sat am and Sun pm so peak time.
Have made arrangements now so will stick to them. Close friend also thinks the same.

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ShesBack · 10/09/2012 09:04

Does she have an up-to-date sat-nav? This makes all the difference for me, and she will be able to think about safely taking turns etc instead of franticly looking at road signs etc.

Maybe lend her yours if she hasn't got one??

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 09:05

no she hasn't got one and we haven't either. I like maps!!! The navigating is not my main worry , it's more about lack of motorway and busy road driving.

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QuickLookUsainBolt · 10/09/2012 09:06

I certainly wouldn't let my DD drive for the first time on the motorway with other teenagers in the car. What are her parents thinking?

Mind you, I am over cautious as DD2 friend was killed in a car accident by an 18 year old driver. He was speeding.

Car accidents are the biggest killer of teenagers 17-21 in this country. It makes me furious that something isn't done about this.

Drive your DC yourself fridayfeeling and do not worry about upsetting anyone. Do what is safest for your DC.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 10/09/2012 09:09

Theres no way I would be happy with it unless the 17 year old had had a motorway lesson first from a qualified instructor.

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 09:09

Thanks for all your comments. off for a shower and a cuppa!!...not at the same time :)

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IloveJudgeJudy · 10/09/2012 09:13

I wouldn't be happy, either. I have a DS (18) whose friends are gradually passing their tests. Some are getting cars (DS isn't, he just wants to pass the driving test), and I would be as worried as you about this trip. I would be less worried as the girl is the driver rather than a boy, as I have heard horrible stories about the boys in DS's circle driving a bit stupidly already.

I'm glad you've sorted something. A big motorway drive is completely different from the driving you learn to pass your test. I don't know why they don't make motorway driving compulsory when you are learning.

Kayano · 10/09/2012 09:17

She has passed the test and is responsible

I drove all my friends down to a cottage holiday at 17

Think you need to judge each individual teen rather than assuming she will be bad driver

BartiiMus · 10/09/2012 09:18

It all depends. When I passed my test I'd only been driving for about 4 months but I had done a hell of a lot of it! My mum was great taking me out all the time at lots of different times of the day and in different weathers to get me used to driving. We also did dual carridgeways before I passed my test and as soon as I passed we did several trips on the motorway.

However, if she is only used to driving in her own town then YANBU to be twitchy. It's also different driving in optimal conditions (having had enough sleep and the car being quiet) and driving several of your excited friends who might be noisy and probably be very tired on the second day.

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 09:22

Don't think she is a bad driver, just not an experienced one. She is a lovely girl and I trust her to be sensible.
Barti.. I have also thought about her being very tired after camp and not having much sleep as it is only one night and therefore usually a bit noisy!!They usually fall asleep in the car on the way back from camp!!

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Kayano · 10/09/2012 09:27

She might have don't the pass plus in order to already have motorway experience and bad light and weather experience and lower he insurance. That's what I did

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 10/09/2012 09:30

Maybe her dad was going to take her on some motorway lessons this week? The night I passed my test my Dad took me up the motorway in his 528i BMW. I was like Barti when I was learning though, my parents took me out all over the place at varying times of the day. I drove to work And back every day.

I think I would probably allow it, TBH. DS1 is learning at the moment. He goes out wit friends who have just passed, I am fine with it.

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata · 10/09/2012 09:32

Hmm. If it's her first time on the motorway I wouldn't be happy. But it would be the return leg I'd be more worried about- is that the one her dad is going to do?

Original poster

fridayfreedom · 10/09/2012 09:35

no, if parents drive them then we are doing the return. She wouldn't drive with her dad as his car is a company car and he couldn't take hers as there isn't room.

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