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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to supply my ex with an airbed?

17 replies

niceguy2 · 09/09/2012 23:30

Background to this is that we have 2 kids who live with me and stay with my ex alternate weekends except for some of the school holidays.

Ex seems to be going backwards in her life over the last ten years and has gone from home owner to renting to room share. No idea why...she's full time employed and pays me next to nothing in maintenance but hey ho.

Recently she's moved into a nice little 2 bed cottage, room-share. This presents logistical challenges with the kids but I've been happy to see how things go since she assured me that the landlord is rarely home.

Kids went up to stay with her for half the summer holidays. Well that was the plan but they ended up coming home earlier cos to cut a long story short, my DD(16) didn't want to stay.

Anyway, tonight we were sat at the dinner table and DD quips to DS(11) that maybe he should take an airbed up with him next time. I ask why and it turns out the sleeping arrangements are DD & Mum in beds and DS sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one to mollycoddle my kids and the odd night won't kill him but seriously!?! For over 2 weeks my son slept on the fucking floor!?!?! DS obviously hadn't told me cos he's very defensive over his mum. It would have been 3 had DD not kicked off.

So...AIBU to send DS up with an airbed and a pump? I have a spare bed anyway. I don't want the kids to stop seeing their mum but it's getting silly now. In fact I'm not even sure she'd use it. She'd prob refuse.

Or should I simply tell her that unless she sorts out something decent for DS then the kids won't be going at all?

OP posts:
Casmama · 09/09/2012 23:34

No experience of this sort of situation but i think the offer of the airbed is probably the way to go. The alternative is that you end up looking like the bad guy cos you are stopping your kids seeing their mum. Surely a mum wouldn't allow her ds to sleep on the floor if there was a viable alternative?

julieann42 · 09/09/2012 23:36

Send the air bed! It seems the most sensible thing to do!

reddaisy · 09/09/2012 23:38

Definitely send the airbag. I suppose you could make it seem like it was DDs idea rather than yours so that she might actually use it for your DS.

Goldchilled7up · 09/09/2012 23:38

Surely she won't refuse the bed.

caramelwaffle · 09/09/2012 23:41

Yes, send the air bed: she should not refuse to use it (that is nasty of her)

reddaisy · 09/09/2012 23:43

airbag? Airbed. Time for me to go to bed I think!

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2012 23:45

Just tell your DS that you're packing it for his comfort and show him how to inflate it.

If he wants to use it, I'm sure he'll insist his Mum lets him sleep on it.

MammaTJisWearingGold · 09/09/2012 23:49

Send the airbed next time they go. Give it to DS to take, then she can't refuse it.

Original poster
niceguy2 · 09/09/2012 23:50

Thanks. It does sound ridiculous to even ask but sometimes she makes me question my own sanity!

I know her though. She'll resist using it because she'll see it as me interfering and attempting to tell her what to do.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/09/2012 23:51

You're not supplying your ex with an air bed...you're supplying your son (if he wants it)

OhTheConfusion · 09/09/2012 23:57

Is this the ex who dosn't like your DD spending time with her aunt and cousins (month or so ago) and left DS home alone for 2 weeks all day when at work? or do I have the wrong poster.

Inertia · 10/09/2012 00:04

It's not for your ex, it's for your son. He's old enough to just set it up himself.

expatinscotland · 10/09/2012 00:11

Send along the airbed.

Original poster
niceguy2 · 10/09/2012 00:18

@OhtheConfusion. Good memory. Yes it is one & the same.

That all came to a head when DD came home under the pretext of getting her GCSE results for a couple of days (before going back) and told me that her mum was going back to work but she didn't know when and she wasn't supposed to tell me.

I forced the issue with ex and it turns out that she was going to go back to work for a whole week leaving the kids sat bored shitless on their own all day. Asked DD what she wanted to do and she said she didn't want to go back. So ex kicked off and obviously it's all my fault.

I know the airbed isn't for my ex, it's for my son. I'm honestly not fussed about the actual airbed itself. It just seems so ridiculous that like I said, I'm questioning my own logic.

Surely it's not rocket science to think "oh DS is staying...i'll buy a fold up/guest bed". If my 16yr old DD can think of a solution, I just can't see why the ex can't!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/09/2012 00:19

Why didn't she have DD and DS share the bed and she kip on the floor.

OhTheConfusion · 10/09/2012 09:03

She really is mum of the year material Hmm so hard to forget!

Send the airbed. If your EX objects to it inform her that if suitable sleeping arrangements are not put in place for DS then overnight access will have to be re-assessed. If DS had no bed in your home social services would become involved. There is a definative difference between ocasional sleepovers and a regular arrangement.

BertieBotts · 10/09/2012 09:08

Send it but don't make out that it came from you. After all it wasn't even your idea in the first place.

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