AIBU about my husbands attitude problem today?

[imonlydancing]

We usually have a lay in routine like this : I sleep in on saturdays, he sleeps in on sundays.

This week I was going to the farm with DS on saturday at 9.30 so I said to DP did he mind getting up just for the first hour and then we would be gone and he would have the whole day to himself. It was such a tiring day but I thought at least DP has had a chance to have a day to just watch films, have a sleep, go see his friends or whatever he wants to do, so it makes up for that one hour. We got home at 6.30 and after DS went down DP went to the pub. My mum who had come with us did nothing but complain about how tired she was afterwards (and I was the one running around digging up potatoes, making sand castles and chasing DS on the soft play while she smoked on the benches)

Today, DP had his lie in as usual but he was up at 9.30 anyway. While DS had his nap I caught up from yesterday on the sofa. It was a normal day and DP took him into town for a short walk to burn off some energy, they were gone an hour (I cleaned the toilet during this 'break')

Cut to five o clock today at my mums for dinner where DP was in a hump about not getting his lie in this week, having to have DS for a whole hour and saying I had a chance to catch up my sleep because I'd had a nap with DS. My mum started agreeing with him and saying how hard he has it (then in the next breath moaning about how tired she still was from the farm)

DP goes out to the pub or the cinema twice a week. He goes away for the whole weekend twice a month. He had a five day holiday with his friends last month. Did I really take the piss out of him this weekend? Because I feel like he got the good end of the deal!

He did do a load of washing. HIS OWN washing. Nothing of mine or DS's in there...

You are not lazy. He got a good deal

Where does he go on his 2 weekends away? Is it work or leisure?

He seems to have a good deal.

"DP goes out to the pub or the cinema twice a week. He goes away for the whole weekend twice a month. He had a five day holiday with his friends last month."

Good grief...the man obviously wants to be single!

Why on earth do you put up with this?

Have you spoken to HIM about this though?

He does a role play thing with his friends, a little like airsoft - so they go out to practise and there are festivals and events and things. It's not like he goes clubbing but its still going away.

Everyone but my mum agree's with me too. He's a lovely guy usually, I think he just has no concept of what it is to be a partner. I was his first proper girlfriend and he was thirty five when we met! Until then he lived with his mum and four brothers and sisters. His mum did everything for all of them. He's used to being 'kept'.

Crikey. YANBU!

A nap on the sofa is just not the same thing as a lie in, for a start. As for the rest of it - he is definitely onto a bloody good deal. I assume he has other outstanding qualities as a father/partner that make you put up with this...?

Oh yeah, I've spoken to him about it lots. He says I can go out whenever I want but its not the evenings that are the problem, its the division of time at the weekends. He thinks I'm BU. So does my mum because of how she had it - my dad died when we were under 10.

He has never had a whole day alone with DS, from waking to putting to bed. I think if he knew what that was like, he would understand. I should go on holiday (or strike!)

This is why you should never get invoved with a mummy's boy.

Every other weekend, he goes away without you? Seriously? That isn't a relationship.

You married a 35 year old who lived at home with his Mum. Oh dear. You need to work out how time off he is getting and see if wants to give you the same or do more family time. The fact that he did his own washing would have pissed me off horribly.

So he gets every other weekend off? Maybe you should take one off just so he sees how fun it is for you on those weekends at home alone.

Good grief. Shocked at your mum taking his side. Does she believe men need to be indulged?
I've had a similar, though not as extreme, disagreement with dh over division of weekend leisure (he is a football fan which probably tells you all you need to know). Rather than just complaining I've started insisting on some time by myself, which has wrong-footed him and leads to moaning. Ignore ignore.
OP I would suggest quickly finding some reason to be away for a day, so your dp gets the experience of minding ds for an extended period - 1) to see how hard it is but also 2) because the more you do it the better/less nervous you get about it.

I imagine your DM is 'old school' and cannot fathom a level playing field relationship. As you say she was on her own with you most of your life, she would've been over the moon with one lay in. Best to leave that area alone as you cannot MAKE her get it.

As for your DH - he NEEDS to spend a weekend doing it all. Not as some weird strike or punishment but so he can see for himself. It is really hard to understand when you have zero experience of something. He has lived the life most of his life and just expecting a sudden change won't make it happen. Show him.

My DH has been looking after me and DD for the last 2 weeks- doing EVERYTHING. I truly appreciate him but I'm not pissing myself with gratitude. I have friends telling me I'm lucky, as he hoovers, cooks, etc. I appreciate it all, but I do the same (more when I am well) and noone thinks he is especially lucky for my domestic contribution.

He seems to see anything child-related as your job therefore when he does the littlest thing he feels that you somehow need to pay him back for the favour.

How keen was he to have a child?