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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my teen daughter to it

15 replies

msnaughty · 09/09/2012 17:51

my teen has been seeing a boy. she also has another female friend. who is all over him like a rash. My dd can hardly get near him. she will do things like sit between them when she is here. and she also suggested to him why dont you come to my house first then we will go to 'L' after. and my dd said if something is/has gone on then she will be friends with them still as she will be hurt and upset about what has happend but not with the actual person. (if) something had gone on and she is still buddys with them both i think she is being a mug. she is 15. is it really up to her to learn for herself so i should leave her to it?

OP posts:
Elfontheedge · 09/09/2012 17:54

I would leave her to it. I remember being 15 and anything my mother said was wrong! Just be a shoulder to cry on when it inevitably goes wrong.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 09/09/2012 18:22

Let her learn and be there to pick up the pieces. You can tell her illustrative stories from your past but don't tell her what to do.

jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 18:23

Oh dear. Leave her to it, it's a learning curve. And yes, when you're 15 everything mum says is bollocks.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 09/09/2012 18:25

Not much you can do but leave her to deal with it herself and to be shoulder to cry on when it all falls apart, as PP said.

Original poster
msnaughty · 09/09/2012 18:27

yeah thats what i was thinking. i guess its up to her to learn who are her real friends

OP posts:
CaliforniaLeaving · 09/09/2012 18:38

Yep leave her to it, she'll crash and burn and come crying. Don't forget not to say a word against the friend and boyfriend when she's all upset, cause when they all get back as friends she'll blame you and say you didn't like either of them. As a Mum you can't win for losing

MammaTJisWearingGold · 09/09/2012 18:41

It's horrible but a lesson better learned now that in 15 years when married with children. It is tough, but you will help her through it.

Aniseeda · 09/09/2012 19:07

YANBU, let them sort it out between themselves. I sounds like it's not the boy's fault - I remember a boy in my year who had two girls who followed him everywhere, always one on each side of him fighting for his attention, surprised they didn't follow the poor bloke into the loo, and he wasn't interested in either of them as he liked another girl (all the boys liked her - grr!!!) but never got the chance to spend any time with her.

Perhaps you could hint to your DD to find out if her boyf has any nice friends they could introduce the other girl to - she might just be desperate to have a boyfriend of her own!

CrikeyOHare · 09/09/2012 19:11

Yes, leave her to it. It's all part of the learning curve. Does sound like she has a fairly mature attitude to it all, which is good.

We went through teen angst last year when my son's first girlfriend unceremoniously dumped him and he was distraught. Terrible time. But he got over her remarkably quickly & is stronger now for that experience.

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 09/09/2012 19:13

It's cruel to say let her get on with it! Talk to her about her friend's behaviour and teach her some coping strategies.

peanutMD · 09/09/2012 19:16

This exact scenario happened to me when I was 15, inevitably I got fed up with friend as it was plain obvious that dp want interested but she insisted on trying over and over.

Had a bit of a bust up with her at school one day and she admitted she liked him.

11.5 years on dp and I are still together and ex-friend is still bitter when she sees us Hmm

Original poster
msnaughty · 09/09/2012 21:45

i think i have to leave it as a learning thing. he came and see her for a few hours this evening, and they had a chat about things. he asked dd if they could have sex she said no as wrong time of month. we have spoken about sex and protection ect. But tonight when dd told me that. i said even if you could have had sex right now is not such a good idea, and its better to wait till they feel content with each other

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 09/09/2012 21:49

Definatly let her learn the lesson. There are women in their forties that still haven't learned the lesson yet, it's better that your dd has the chance now rather than when she's an adult.

Hard for you though. I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel when some girl breaks my sons hearts!

Original poster
msnaughty · 09/09/2012 21:57

'outraged' thats so so true. its better she learns her way whilst she is young. rather than me kind of doing it for her. as when she is older she wont be able to manage issues in relationships as she ould not hae learnt to. thank you

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 09/09/2012 22:32

It sounds to me like she is a mature and sensible young lady. She knows that it "takes two to tango" as they say, rather than ranting at one or the other of her boyfriend and friend, and it sounds like she has thought about what she will do/how she will react if they decide to "go off togther" which is more than most 15 yr olds would do. She also feels able to discuss sex and contraception and so on with her mum, again, that seems mature to me - you must be doing something right Grin so just make sure she knows you will (still) be there for her as and when she needs you.

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