to not give money for a 40th birthday

[toysoldiers]

It just feels wrong.

Big party coming up. His girlfriend sent an email out saying lots of people had asked about presents and it wasn't necessary but, if you must, vouchers.

I don't really want to give vouchers. It's bad enough for weddings but birthdays? Thing is, I really like them as friends and they are always very generous so feel mean not giving him anything.

Shall I just buy him something that he doesn't want

wow. I can 't honestly believe some of the sums being mentioned here. 40 quid for an adults birthday?! I would feel terrible receiving a penny. We 're adults - surely we don't need our lifestyles subsidised or random crappy bought for us? flabbergasted at the idea of it.

I agree with this. £40 for an adult???

Who has that kind of spare money for an adult who is capable of earning their own wage?

I have small children. Adults can look after themselves!

If it's a female landmark birthday- a small piece of jewellery i.e earrings.
If it's a man, a bottle of his favourite drink.

I also get embarrassed by vouchers because the pressure is on to go up a denomination. i.e I WAS going to spend £10, but if it's vouchers I'd better make it £20 to save face.

Right, so there is no actual request for a gift, merely a suggestion that if you really, really want to give something then a voucher would be very much appreciated (presumably because someone HAS ASKED) ?

Where's the problem?

When we were very, very skint I didn't want pretty, pointless gifts, because it reminded me that I didn't have that amount of money to spend on something we needed : (food/unexpectedly large electricity bill [our downstairs neighbours were stealing electricity from us] that kind of thing). Expensive gifts were either sold on ebay or regifted.

Any amount of money/voucher was very, very much appreciated.

Why is it so hard to understand that some people when ASKED for a preference will give the option of not buying an unwanted gift?

to follow up - op - don't get him anything. take your own booze and that's it. they've already said that its not necessary. this is a fortieth birthday party not a wedding, so their expenses are likely to be limited (unless they are being extravagant in which case that'd their choice ). if its a meal out, everyone can split the cost for the birthday boy (I wouldn't expect or want that if I was him, but hey), and thats that.

I agree, either give him what he actually wants or just give him a card. I personally would just give a card to an adult friend. Similarily I wouldn't expect any gifts for my own birthday.

If I had asked for no presents and got given a load of useless tat I wouldn't feel happy at the amount of money people had wasted on me. I think the girlfriend had no choice about the email she sent out.

The options are:
Give vouchers
Give nothing
Give a card with a favour in

My preferred option would be the third one - great idea solidgoldbrass

If I can't think of a good gift, I do the favour thing (sort of) - usually 'slap dinner at venue and date of your choice' or something. But I wouldn't be offended by being asked for vouchers either.

Vouchers for what though?

Top Man? Primark? B&Q? Anne Summers?

It's a minefield.

I have just turned 40. I was uber grateful for anything bought by dear friends, I coudn't care less how much any of it cost. The last 40th party we went to we were asked to donate to a charity, any amount we liked.

When DH turned 40 one of the best gifts he recieved was a novelty gift.

What is your friend like op?

I hasten to add that I was asked by family and friends what I wanted, I didn't just demand the vouchers I received . I agree that for most birthdays I don't expect much, if anything, but I think for a so-called landmark birthday it's nice to get someone a decent-ish present. And judging by the number of threads I've seen on here with titles like 'AIBU to be annoyed that DH didn't buy me a birthday present?' or suchlike, I very much doubt if most posters would be completely ok with receiving no presents at all on their birthday, especially a 40th.

OP, are you going alone or have you been invited with your partner, family or friends? If there are a few of you, maybe club together to get the vouchers? That way you can each put in a small amount but the total will be larger, iyswim.

40 scratchcards.