Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think this is my home and shoud be my decision? (dog related)

27 replies

Diddydollydo · 08/09/2012 11:47

Family/friends do today at my house. There will be around 10 adults and 6/7 young children there one of which will be my DD who is very nervous around dogs, though is getting better, with work. MIL has announced that their friends are coming to (fine with that they are lovely people) and that they want to bring their dog. Said dog is a lovely little rescue dog, bit nervous but sweet. I have said that's fine as long as they don't mind me making up a bed in our utility room for him as there will be children running around, music, noise etc and I think it would be unfair on both the dog and my daughter. MIL now says she's not coming. So AIBU? If so, why?

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/09/2012 11:48

YANBU, the utility room offer was an excellent compromise.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 08/09/2012 11:51

Yanbu. I dont have dogs. noone has ever even suggested they bring their dog to my house but I have a great yard id offer for them to put the dog in.

Your MIL has probably already said itd be fine for the dog to come and she is too emvarassed to go back to them to say no. She should have checked in advance (as imo she didnt)

Sirzy · 08/09/2012 11:52

yanbu and are being much more accomodating than I would be!

MrsApplepants · 08/09/2012 11:53

YANBU. Perfectly good compromise with utility room.

spoonsspoonsspoons · 08/09/2012 11:54

Why can't MIL come? It's not her dog.

cocolepew · 08/09/2012 11:56

YANBU I wouldn't have let the dog come

OrangeFireandGoldashes · 08/09/2012 12:01

As the owner of an extremely well-behaved and housetrained dog, it would rarely occur to me to ask a host/ess if I could bring him along. The exception would be if the friends lived far enough away to make it a long time to leave him alone but not long enough to make it worth putting him in kennels IYSWIM (so not an overnight stay) AND they were known dog lovers themselves. In the circumstance you describe I'd be more than happy with a bed made up for him in the utility room so long as I could pop in every couple of hours (if visit was that long) to give him a chew / check he hadn't knocked his water dish over etc.

If the people in the OP have got the arse about their dog being "excluded", they ABVU. If dog has issues (possible as a rescue) which means it wouldn't settle alone in a strange house / might be destructive etc and they have reluctantly turned down invite to put dog's needs first while they continue to work on its issues, fair enough. They are a big commitment and owning a dog means making sacrifices, including having to pass on some social occasions. Non-dog-owners don't always appreciate that (not saying you don't, OP).

OrangeFireandGoldashes · 08/09/2012 12:03

Sorry, didn't appreciate it was your MIL who now isn't coming, thought it was just dog owners! She is def BU!

RuleBritannia · 08/09/2012 12:05

I had a party including 2 year olds and everyone was in the back garden. A friend brought an Akito and I wouldn't let it over the threshold so it had to spend the day in the front garden of the house. I wasn't asked if it could be brought.

stealthsquiggle · 08/09/2012 12:07

YANBU.

Either MIL had not thought it through and dog's owners have decided that a house full of DC will be too much for the dog (which is fair enough) or dog's owners have taken offence that dog won't be allowed the run of the house, in which case they ABVU.

Donkeysdontridebicycles · 08/09/2012 12:08

YANBU. Hope MIL gets over herself, have a nice day.

Ullena · 08/09/2012 12:24

Lol, we have several large dogs and they are great with everyone. However, they still get put somewhere nice and safe when we throw a party! As do our cats, since they would be stealing all the food otherwise...

YADNBU. A bed in the utility room is really thoughtful, and a nervous dog would be far happier tucked away from all the fuss. We tend to leave our dogs at home when we go visiting, unless we will be away overnight, in which case they go to a friend to be minded or with us if our host is happy to have them there.

sashh · 08/09/2012 12:26

Your MIL sounds potty.

HaveALittleFaith · 08/09/2012 12:43

Yanbu. SIL brought their (rather excitable) puppy when they visited a while ago. It went mental leaping all over the place, climbing on the furniture! We coped for the day but we have a child who is nervous of dogs. You offered a fair compromise! She is bu. you could have refused the dog full stop under the circumstances!

tabulahrasa · 08/09/2012 12:50

I wouldn't take my dog anywhere near that many small children, they might hurt it and that many people with a nervous dog would just completely stress it out, it's just cruel.

Besides which, I don't expect to visit people with my dog and I don't expect visitors to bring theirs.

LST · 08/09/2012 12:55

Everyone I know brings their dog here and I always take mine to theirs..

Obviously get permission first. Op YANBU.

If anything the dog owners are for thinking of taking a nervous dog around so many people and more than likely noise.

goldsienna · 08/09/2012 13:00

My dog wouldn't want to come. She hates being in other people's houses. So there :o

ENormaSnob · 08/09/2012 13:08

Yanbu

Mrsjay · 08/09/2012 13:12

you sound perfectly reasonable your MIL has taken the huff which is weird the dog probably wouldnt be comfy around strangers anyway and the utility room sounds a perfect place for it,

cozietoesie · 08/09/2012 13:33

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Is MIL like this over other matters?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 08/09/2012 13:38

YANBU.

Writing as a dog owner I totally get that my dog is not automatically welcome in other people's homes.

I would say to MIL cheerfully "fine, see you another time" and then have a great BBQ.

CakeMeIAmYours · 08/09/2012 13:40

YANBU at all - and I am the biggest advocate of dogs that you could find.

It is your home and your decision.

If I am visiting friends/family, and I think the occasion might be suitable for him, then I will ask if he can come. Unless I get an enthusiastic "yes please, we'd love to see him!" then I don't bring him. Anything that involves "yes you can bring him but ..." will result in him staying at home. Its a clear social cue and it is beyond me how people can ignore it.

Sorry you seem to be in the doghouse over this, but you are in the right.

Original poster

Diddydollydo · 08/09/2012 13:47

What I didn't mention in my OP is that the whole 'do' is for PIL's Golden Wedding Anniversary. So she kind of has to come. She has history for this kind of thing, I like her very much (though it's taken a while) but she wants everything her own way. I really want it to be a nice day which is why I said that her friend could bring the dog in the first place. Since my OP, my MIL's friend has called me and said thank you it would be helpful to have a little bed in a quiet place for the dog. DH has just spoken to MIL and she is acting like no previous conversation ever took place and that she would see us later, but as I said she has history for this kind of drama. So anyway, I shall be having a large glass of vino very shortly and prepare to steel myself for whatever comes my way! Thanks all.

OP posts:

HazleNutt · 08/09/2012 14:03

YANBU and I love dogs and have 2 of them. It's simply not safe for a lovely little dog when you will have around 20 people in the house. Somebody is bound to step on him or trip over the dog.

whatsforyou · 08/09/2012 14:09

By the sounds of it you might be better keeping MIL in the utility room, she sounds like more hassle than any dog would be

Flip

1 2