to offer limited help

[LivingLaVidaLoca]

In past i suffered from post natal depression and went through a very difficult time. I had no immediate family living nearby which made it more difficult. My inlaws would help with their other grandchildren and they'd all go out for lunches, days out together etc but never ask us along. Then they would even purposefully go out of their way to hide the fact they had been out together from me (I caught them out one day which really upset me and makes it even more devious). Thankfully I've pulled through my depression and I'm now well and happy again. However one of these inlaws is now getting a taste of walking in my shoes and is suffering from depression. Normally i would sympathise and offer to help etc but i hold a strong bitterness towards them all for how they treated me in my time of need. Am i been unreasonable to feel this way and offer limited help because I want them to suffer like i did? Or am i being a bitch?

If they specifically ask for your help, I would do what you can without compromising your own peace of mind.

If they don't then leave well alone.

Generally not good for anyone's peace of mind to hold resentment. Kindness, in thought or deed, is much more freeing.

i think to help gives you one over them, will make them realise how they were shitty to you and that you are a better person then them,

I think this outcome is more desirable then making someone suffer tbh,

although i defo understand your sentiments.

I fully understand you feeling bitter towards them and not wanting to help. That said, I think you should help as and when you can without it impacting on your family life and your happiness. If the rest of the family are rallying round and coping admirably then you don't need to get overly involved, so concentrate on your family unit.

It's a tricky balance between wanting to spite them and feeling bad about your own behaviour, isn't it? I would go with whatever level of help makes you feel comfortable with yourself.

sound to me like you are a caring person and are not happy to let this person cope alone even though they did to you, and I feel that you should do what makes you feel more comfortable in yourself, which i suspect is help them as best you can, but you are allowed to still feel cross at them about the kindness you didn't recieve, the two feelings are not incompatable.
my Dad had a stroke and I felt my mums brothers and sisters didn't help but looking back 9 years later, no one visited him in hospital, or the care home, but they did look after him before the care home and after his stroke for a week, popping in to his house so I could take a weeks holiday, and they took him in 1 christmas day, when I felt my husband deserved a christmas with his parents so they did do a couple of things in the 3 years before his death, but now they are all dealing with it with my grandad I have made it clear I will not get involved they didn't help me with social services and the like, but they know I will advise, tell them what I know, visit my grandad in the home, when I can, and I am thinking of offering them christmas in my house with me away at DH parents, as out of 4 children and numerious granchildren I am the only one with a downs stairs loo!
my aunts and uncles range in age and the yougest 2 are not much older than me.
my Dad brother useless used to cry down the phone that my Dad was ill then not visit, he has 3 children, I will like my grandad visit him but not do for him.
I love my uncle and Grandad and to be fair if they rest of their families did nothing I would but I am not volenteering I lost both parents by 33 and now have young children and no grandparent help so I concentrate on them.

Haven't read all thread but I suffer from depression and even my husband can't get his head around why I have bad days. Don't judge someone who wasn't sympathetic to you because, usually, until someone has been there, they just comprehend just how hard it is.

I would actually be honest, I would say I "I empathise but I remember how awfully you and X treat me in my time of need and find it hard want to offer help".

I would actually say that and see what her response is.

PND is a mental illness and mental illness still has stigma. Some people don't know how to react to it. Therefore they sanitise it by ignoring it.

Thank you everyone, this is like free therapy
But sometimes when your mind is affected like mine has been (there are even more complex things in my past that have contributed to my state of mind at that time than i can explain here) it is difficult to see the wood for the trees. It's good to get different opinions as it helps me see things in so many different ways. Food for thought as they say.