An I a mean bitch for not wanting to Skype with ex and son (20 months)

[washingonawednesday]

Ex days it's too expensive to visit. Wants access 9 times a year and that's it.

He wants to Skype instead. ( will provide webcam)

Now my son is only 20 months old. Does not sit still for more than 1 minute at a time (I'm serious!) can only say 'mummy' 'daddy' 'yes' and 'bee'.

This does not appear to be conducive to a conversation with daddy!

It means I'll have to sit there daily, weekly, whatever with a wriggly toddler on my lap who'll probably be interested for a minute and run off leaving me having a conversation with the ex who I hate. All chat will be 'tell daddy about nursery today- did you have a good time?' cue son - 'yes, bee, daddy'

I am infuriated that he thinks at such a young age that skype will a) work with such a young child and b) be a suitable replacement for actual contact.

I don't like him. Don't want to see him. Dont want to talk to him. Don't want his ugly mug in my house!

An I a really mean bitch for saying no until he's older and can actually hold a conversation with him?

YANBU

Having a webcam in your home feels very intrusive. It's not fair on you if your relationship has been difficult to have to maintain a jolly, link via a webcam filming in YOUR home. As you say, it will be you doing the talking, not your son.

Tell him you will encourage your son to keep up contact by phone during the weeks he's not with him.

YANBU, I know exactly how you feel. I offered my XP (similar distance involved) video chats last year and he didn't respond, but I've since moved and I don't think I could bear him being "inside" my new house - one of the best things having moved was a feeling of security that he had never been inside it and never would. I do realise how mental that sounds

I would in your shoes. I'd get DS to say hello and then let DH watch him play or have tea. Build it up slowly. In the long run it will help your son to have that contact even though you might find it hard. You don't have to talk much at all, just let DS be centre stage even if he is not paying attention to DH

OptimisticPessimist - doesn't sound at all mental to me! I feel exactly the same.

A Skype tip - you can get a thing up with lots of "special effects" which might be interesting for a little one and keep his attention on the screen. Sort of like you press a button and a bird flies across the screen or a hand pops up and waves? Good luck

DS has Skyped his dad since he was 12 months. Ex is abroad. Also visits roughly 9 times a year. What I've found works best is for Skype calls to take place over breakfast. DS has best concentration in morning. I leave him with a huge breakfast & go out of the room. He's in a highchair & can't reach the PC. He'll stay happy for up to 30min. Ex sings, uses puppets etc. DS loves it. The downside is i have to hear ex singing (awful) but worth it for DS's happiness. I stay out of web cam view completely & say nothing to ex. Minimise, minimise, minimise is the method I try to use. It makes things far less intrusive.

Look, this is totally inappropriate, but i am trying to set up skype and the set up bit did not play any sound when I installed it on my laptop. Do i need to buy a separate microphone? The laptop is a Dell and is about 3 years old.

OP, know how you feel,
with my own ex demanding access "whenever it was convenient" for him. This meant he has not seen his daughter in 12 years as it was never convenient for him. She is totally fcked upnover it so at least start skyping and do your best until your own ex gives up. Then, in years to come, you can look at your child in the eye and tell him you did all you could. X

Oh no definately not when it's convenient for him. at a regular time once a week. Frankly if i was you accepting the call and calling ds to the phone and that would be the end of my involvement.

Trust me if you don't like the guy and he's that much of an arse, skype really isn't worth the battle. If you have fair more important battles to come, to be able to say that you turned on the computer faciliated contact via skype, can be a really good thing especially if he doesn't keep it up.

Ummm I have a similar issue.

My ex is a twat (see thread on here "to think my ex is being totally unreasonable..."). He has travels to america regularly and has asked me to set up skype so he can talk to dd age 9 (who can't be arsed to talk to him on the phone half the time). I have always said he is welcome to ring her anytime he likes but our pc is in the living room and I can't imagine anything worse than seeing his face on a screen staring back at me or hearing his voice on the loudspeakers. Sorry I might be being a bitch but its just too much. So I have told him that our pc is too old to support the programme / won't run / load whatever. He can't prove otherwise without coming into my house which isn't going to happen.

But - my situation is a little different in that he does see dd more than your ex sees your dc. I might feel differently (maybe) if that was the only regular chance of contact she had.

just do it

the more contact the better for your ds if it does nto work then at least you have tried

i know how hard it is to put your feelings aside i had to pretend to be ok with the ex being around when i wanted to scream at himhe was so horrible to me (and still often do) but ds now has a relationship with him and you will start feeling different soon

Hmm I can see why you feel the way you do. I would do it but I would NOT be in the same room. I would set it up sit DS on the floor or bed or wherever with some toys, and sit out of sight with a book or something. I would also arrange SET days and times for it. I bet he won't stick to them (he'll no doubt be busy with the OW and new baby ) but you can say you had agreed to it and he hadn't held up his end of the bargain.

im sure ive recently seen almost this exact same post but anyways

YANBU apsolutly no reason to have such a intrusion into your home especially when dc is so little.

if you agree you are setting precident it will be auto expected will he pay for internet if you are skint? what if pc breaks. and why the fuck is it acceptable for him to view your home ad hoc,i would say a flat out no.

Give it a try, a couple of mins a week isnt going to hurt you & will be good for your son. A 800 mile trip is a very long way, its good hes trying to ensure regular contact