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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told neighbour's children off?

26 replies

Onlyhappywhenitrains · 06/09/2012 17:29

We have new neighbours with six children, the four eldest range from 5 to 9. We also have several other children in the street who come out to play. My ds is only just 3 but is very friendly and wants to play. All summer he has been playing with these children, either out the front where I have stood and watched him or in our garden and occasionally the house. The children are nice and good with my ds but very very bolshy. They have been all through my house despite being asked to stay downstairs or in ds's room. They all went in my bedroom last time and some of them were taking things off my ds (his own toys) and a few things got broken. Having nine children in the house is just too much for me. They also demand food and drinks a lot of the time and I just think it is a bit much. As my ds is only 3 he never goes to their houses in return, they all seem to end up at mine.

Anyway, I decided after last time I'd had enough and they weren't all coming in the house at once again. This evening there were eight children playing out including my ds. They started off in my garden and I told them they weren't to go in the house. I made it very clear that they could play in the garden but not go in.
Anyway after about an hour in the garden (read tipping sand everywhere and mixing loads of bubble mixture in my son's sandpit) two of them got up and just went through into the house. I couldn't help it, I raised my voice before I'd even thought of it. I didn't scream at them or anything but I definitely raised my voice and sharpened my tone.

Now I feel a bit bad, telling other people's children off seems wrong. Wibu to say "out of my house now! Now now now!" I think I said something along the lines of "were you invited in? No? Then go back out!" but I can't really remember because I was so annoyed!

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 06/09/2012 17:31

YANBU.

Definitely not on.

mrscumberbatch · 06/09/2012 17:32

And when did it become wrong to tell off other people's children?

It's this PC world gorn mad I tell ye!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 06/09/2012 17:32

YANBU. I wouldn't even have the oldest ones in the garden, sounds like a nightmare. Are their parents taking the piss a bit?

ParsleyTheLioness · 06/09/2012 17:32

Sounds ok to me. Your house, your rules. Tis the only place you are Queen!

tryingtonotfeckup · 06/09/2012 17:33

Cannot see the problem, you told them not to go in, they tried to go in. You stopped them.

YANBU, you need clear boundaries or they will take advantage.

Beamur · 06/09/2012 17:33

YANBU. I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to limit how many come to play at any time either.

DozyDuck · 06/09/2012 17:34

They're in your house, no parents, it's acceptable. If parents don't like it, they can keep the kids in their own house.

IDontDoIroning · 06/09/2012 17:35

Absolutely not. I think you may not be being quite firm enough. They've been in your bedroom !!!!!

They aren't really playing "with" your dc it's just somewhere to play where they get fed and watered.

Peggotty · 06/09/2012 17:36

Yanbu. But unfortunately you have given them an inch and they've run off with a mile! I have a neighbours child who is a bit like this - I let him play in the house with my dc once a couple of weeks ago (they normally play out on street) and he pestered me daily for days afterwards to come in and for drinks/biscuits. I just kept saying no - he had a mini tantrum eventually and stamped his foot at me but has finally given up (I hope!).

Onlyhappywhenitrains · 06/09/2012 17:37

Possibly. The children just seem to free rome a lot of the time. They have been in my next door neighbour'smhouse house quite a bit too but her own children are 9 and 13. They are capable of standing up for themselves and telling the others if they dont want them to do something. I feel my ds gets taken advantage of a bit, not really intentionally but I don't like it when they tell him he can't play with something that is actually his! They only come to play with the toys but my ds does like it and says they are his friends so I will tolerate it to a point. They've been calling for him all summer, I am glad they've gone back to school. The two youngest are the cheekiest, occasionally I've caught them kicking my front door when I haven't answered immediately and sometimes I've found them peering in the windows, noses to the glass. Which when it is the living room isn't great. I have felt like drawing the curtains even in the daytime!

OP posts:
tryingtonotfeckup · 06/09/2012 17:37

I do think the parents are probably sighing with relief that they have a bit of break. They are taking the piss a bit. Maybe limit the number as others have suggested.

Onlyhappywhenitrains · 06/09/2012 17:40

I find where one goes the other follows. They've breached security that way a number of times. One has appeared so I've let them in, then it's as if the others think 'ah! He hasn't come back! He must have got in somewhere!' then they just look for where the first one's bike is and they all appear. When I open the door they are in before I've even said a word!

OP posts:
Peggotty · 06/09/2012 17:45

I can't think of anything worse than a load of neighbours kids rampaging about my house and even going in to my bedroom! So you open the door and they basically push past you into your house ?! Shock. I would go for a blanket ban on your house and garden and keep it to outside the house.

Missmuffet28 · 06/09/2012 17:47

Yanbu!! My ds is 10 and last summer whilst I was working upstairs he let next doors kids in 3 boys 9, 7 and 5 they ran in and out left my front door open let the puppy out the crate,ate me out of crisps sweets and cheese which was bad enough but left the rubbish all over my lounge and bits of food everywhere, shouted argued and cried and this was in the space of an hour I lost alot of food patience and nearly my puppy!! Needless to say they were never allowed back in they ruined their chance the first time!! But they spent the next year hanging over the top of my 10ft fences!! Do their parents not get hint when the 10ft fences were installed?? Thankfully I have moved now phew!!

Onlyhappywhenitrains · 06/09/2012 17:50

Basically pegotty
Sometimes I've even blocked the way physically and only opened the door about ten cms they've still been up in the doorstep, craning their heads round the door! I find the pushiness quite hard to deal with, it's not something I'm used to really.
My ds has a toy in the garage that he had for his birthday. We haven't assembled it yet partly because we didn't want it being used by all the neighbour's kids. We have waited for them to go back to school. Anyway they know it is there because obviously they've been in the garage and they've been on and on all summer about it. 'why haven't you built it yet, will you do it tonight, get your husband to do it later, we want to play on it, I'm having first go etc etc' We haven't built it because my ds wouldnt have got a look in!

OP posts:
Onlyhappywhenitrains · 06/09/2012 17:53

I think because they just come and go out of their own house they treat everyone's the same. Their front door is never locked. The three year old often lets himself out and appears too. Last week he went into someone's house up the road whilst her front door was open (she was cleaning out her car) and went up to her bedroom. She had no idea who he was! The mother appeared after about ten minutes looking for him. He gone quite a way as their house is actually round the corner, way out of sight.

OP posts:
Peggotty · 06/09/2012 17:56

It's getting worse the more you tell! You really need to put your foot down. I know it can be hard to be assertive but these kids are really taking the piss.

Beamur · 06/09/2012 17:56

You need to be way stricter with these kids. Keep your door locked and enforce rules or evict them immediately, stop offering them food and drinks too. They need to understand that your house is not their house!

Lolwhut · 06/09/2012 18:00

YANBU at all. In fact, you probably should tell them off a bit more.

Nanny0gg · 06/09/2012 18:03

I think you need to start saying No from the get-go.

Now they're back at school and it will be winter soon, I'd stop them coming around at all.

happyclapper · 06/09/2012 18:10

I have 2 children next door who are both in my 2 DS's class, ages 5 and 9.
They are not bad kids but do seem to feel they can just wonder in anytime.
After a few breakages and just generaly having had enough of them I now just tell them they can't come in or to go home when I've had enough.
I was a little wary of doing this at first as I am quite friendly with their mother but they all seem to have got the hint and just accept it when enough is enough.
I think you have been more than generous and patient and need offer no other comment other than ' no sorry you can't come in today' or ' time to go home now, goodbye'.
Once boundaries are in place the kids will soon get used to them. You just need to be firm.
You could ask your DS to pick 2 friends to come in and then politely say no more.
I also have let it be known what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, in a kind way, which has made them not scared of me but definately more respectful.
Good luck.

FamiliesShareGerms · 06/09/2012 18:12

YANBU. Sounds like you need to say no more often and louder with them but then I think nothing of telling other people's kids off and rarely get through a session at the playground without a "oi, stop it" or "don't push in, wait your turn"

Nancy66 · 06/09/2012 18:15

Sounds fine.
I tell other people's kids off all the time. I don't give a shite what their parents think

avivabeaver · 06/09/2012 19:41

you need to shout far more often. A pack of kids waits to be told no and then no and then no I really do mean it.

Practice your shouty teacher voice. I have no hesitation in telling kids and teens what i think. Stop being patient and stop being tolerant.

FamiliesShareGerms · 06/09/2012 19:45

And remember that saying about it taking a village to raise a child? If you don't tell them to stop doing something you wouldn't let your own child do, you aren't really being part of the village

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