to wonder why people say "are you going to get another one?" in response to learning we had to have our dog put to sleep?!

[gremlindolphin]

Several people including those who know us really well and know how much a part of the family for the past 14 years our dog has been, have said it really soon in conversation.

Yes we might have other dogs in the future but they are not direct replacements!

I just think people need to think about what they are actually saying!

People are weird. So many people think that a pet is just a pet and therefore 'disposable'.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog.

Some people just don't realise how much a dog can be a loved member of the family and how heartbreaking it is to lose one you have had a long time.

For those who do know and have still asked (but should know better), i'd say 'i'm too heartbroken to think about another dog at the moment' and give them a pointed stare

I've had that when beloved pets have died.

It's a weird thing to say.

Maybe the people saying it don't really experience love for a pet the way other people do?

Suppose plenty of people ditch or re-home pets (friend of my got rid of her dog so she could have a new puppy) so they might not understand your loss.

:(

Am sorry about your dog.

Aw I'm sorry for you loss

I think people don't know what to say, and say something silly like that. They forget they aren't to be replaced.

MrsRajesh that is AWFUL!

Our bunny (that we adopted) struggled to be homed because he has ripped ears and a scarred nose from an attack when he was younger as soon as we saw him we had to have him. He's awesome

I really don't understand people sometimes.

Awwww, my bunny had a brain parasite as a baby and her head always lopped to one side.

Broke my heart when she died. I have a picture of her tattooed on my back.

When my snakes died, way too many people said "good" :(
MrsRajesh, i think they will be in my next tattoo, after the one I'm getting for my birthday :)

My grandads cat was pts recently. He got him because he was lonely, so we've been wondering if he'll get another, but noone would ever bloody ask, its just so insensitive!!

It's definitely lack of appreciation of what a pet can mean to someone.
It's not unkindness or thoughtlessness.

I've never had a dog or any pet I've thought of as part of the family. I've always struggled to support people suffering from grief when a pet dies and have to be really strict with myself and try to imagine it's a child or something. A friend of mine keeps ferrets and she is beside herself when one dies but I know people snigger.

I have asked people whose dog has been PTS if they will get another one

Saying that, I think without exception, every person I know who has a dog, has got a new one almost immediately.

Can you imagine if your child died and someone asked you if you would have another one? It really is a crass thing to say I suppose

Maybe people just don't really know what to say in that situation so say stupid things instead. Or they're just really bloody insensitive.

I'm so sorry about your dog gremlin, I hope you're ok x

Well, for me pets aren't disposable, but when my very, very much loved old cat had to be put down, we went to the Cats Protection League on the way home and brought home a kitten. The house was too empty without him, so we needed something to fill the void.

So, I do know where they are coming from

Also sorry for your loss. I'm sure it's just not knowing what to say and then putting their foot in it. Lots of people aren't good at talking about a loss.

A lot of people do get a new dog when an old dog dies. Getting a new dog is an exciting thing, maybe they see it as something positive to talk about?

I don't think people mean that dogs are disposable. Just that if you have had a dog, the house will be so empty without one and getting a new dog helps you to keep busy.

sorry about your dog.
I think it's because:
you obviously like dogs, to have had one
Your life can fit a dog into it
maybe they knwo someone looking to rehome some puppies/older dog
but mostly because they don't know what to say in response to being told a dog has died, i'd guess. And though another one wouldn't replace your last dog, it can fill a hole that has opened in your life.

And it seems to be the same when you miscarry, people ask if you are going to try again, so maybe it's trying to put a positive from a negative.

I agree with TidyDancingHoofer. I wasn't at all offended when people asked this question when my beloved dog was PTS. It's because, for many people, getting a new dog does ease the pain of the loss, although of course not be a replacement.

I can understand how you feel - your beloved dog can never be replaced, and it's for you to decide if/when you're ready to think about giving a home to another dog - but I guess people just don't think what they're saying sometimes, they aren't necessarily intending to dismiss your feelings or your loss.

(I wouldn't dream of actually asking someone about 'trying again' after a miscarriage, that seems so insensitive! Again people probably do mean well though.)

I wouldn't be offended and i dont think that people saying things like that dont understand the value our pets having in our life.

My lovely old cat died a few weeks back. I had him for nearly 20 years. He was a much loved part of my family and we all had a cry at his passing but 3 days later i bought home a new rescue cat. Doesn't mean i love and miss the old boy any less but why wait when there are thousands of cats awaiting homes and i now had one to offer.

Just wanted to pass on my sympathy's, really sorry to hear that.

As for the ignorant people I think it's how unfortunately some people think when it comes to dogs.

If we lost one of ours we would probably get another 1, not in any way as a replacement and not necessarily for us but our other dog would be very sad and lonely.

Thoughtless platitudes are a feature of AIBU - regular ones that seem to annoy people are 'do you want a boy or a girl?', and 'is your baby good?'

The sad fact is that they are phrases oft repeated by people who don't know what else to say and don't really care about the answer - they're not trying to offend, they're trying to say something harmless.

I would be devastated if my dog died, and I am so sorry about yours, but this is not something to get worked up about.

Thanks for all your responses and kind thoughts.

It is not something that I am worked up about but it has made me think about everyday phrases we say that are actually not appropriate.

I am looking forward to getting another dog at some point but until then just want to think of him and appreciate the large part he played in our life.

x

I think it's an attempt to steer the conversation onto firmer, happier ground - it's much easier to chat about getting a new dog, than to talk about the sad loss of a companion. It's certainly the sort of daft thing I would say in a panic in this sort of conversation. Conversations about loss are often difficult. I also personally felt the need to bring another dog into my life pretty quickly as everything wass too empty, after the loss of my my loved previous dog.

On a personal level, though, I'm sorry for the loss of your boy, after 14 years you must have some great memories to reflect on

Sorry for your loss :(

But I hate life without at least one dog. I spent a few months being dogless when my last two died within months of each other. The house was so empty which just added to my misery.

No new dog is a replacement for an old one but they do help and you end up loving different things about them. My current dog is the first dog I've had who smiles, he's also the thickest