to intervene in birthday gifts for dd?

[whiskyfudge]

OH says I am being neurotic mum. DD is 18 in a few weeks. We have quite an extended family and every year she receives a good few envelopes with money in as gifts. Year upon year I see her squandering it on rubbish. I'm talking McDonald's, bus fares, buying her pals lunch etc. This past year most of her spare cash has went on cider and vodka for parties at the weekend. So, I've taken the initiative and asked relatives if they intend on giving her money, could they make it a voucher for New Look, H&M or Topshop instead. OH says it's kind of cheeky. AIBU?

I can understand why you are doing it and would be tempted to do similar but I can also see where your DH is coming from!

(very unhelpful I know!)

YABU let her spend her money on what she wants. If she wanted to spend it on clothes then she would.

My sister spent most of hers on similar things as well as clothes/DVDs etc

Posted too soon - I on the other hand was incredibly boring and put it all in the bank (saving for a new car at the time)

YABU - she's going to be an adult - 18, not a child any more, grown up. You need to accept this.

I get that it's hard but, it's her money to squander. Her spending on things she wants is not wasting it.

What might work is asking people to write cheques, if she has to go to the bank and pay it into her account and then withdraw it, it might not disppear in the way cash in your purse does.

You could discuss what 'big thing' she'd like with her the money - maybe get her excited about a posh handbag (will there be enough for that?) or a grown up winter coat, boots, a 'forever' watch, a piece of jewellery etc. A 'thing'. Focus on how special 18th birthday gifts are compared to other birthdays and how nice it is to have something special for it.

Also, for her 18th, she'll probably not get cash in the same way, it's a special birthday, people will want to get her something special. if you start talking about gift vouchers, people will think that's what she wants (rather than what you want)/

And I repeat, she's not a child anymore, she's a grown up, if she decides to spend her money on having fun rather than buying something sensible, that's her decision.

She's turning 18? She's an adult. I would not intervene. Surely it is up to her how to spend her money?

I'm talking McDonald's, bus fares, buying her pals lunch etc. This past year most of her spare cash has went on cider and vodka for parties at the weekend. how is she squandering it? sounds fine to me - it's what I spend the CB on

cock !

Nah, just let her get on with it. How will she ever learn to control her own spending if you nanny her?

YADBU she is going to be 18! A grown up - i think thats too controlling sorry

she is will be 18 she probably wants to buy booze legally I would maybe drop hints but tbh it is her Birthday money does she have a bank account suggest she saves for 'something'

I would say this is the one birthday where you now stop having any control.. she is an adult.

I think MY dd wasted her 18th birthday money on dvds and some clothes the rest just seemed to vanish, her money though just when she came to me with her hand out she was told to beat it

Firstly, she's a grown up. Secondly, why is spending the money in New Look better than spending it on parties and treating her friends? Bus fares? Surely she would need to take the bus anyway if she wants to go somewhere? And why is a posh handbag better than spending it on vodka Dontmindifido? I'd rather have good memories of being with friends and partying than an over-priced piece of designer crap. I could understand your point OP if you were suggesting she spend it on repaying her student loan or taking out an ISA, or going travelling, but not vouchers from the shops you suggest.

YABU! she is an adult and spending her money on things she enjoys. They may not be long lasting but she is having fun whilst she still have money without responsibilities.
You could suggest to her that she should pool this year's money and buy a single item, jewellery etc. to have something to remember and that will last. Ultimately her money, her choice.

Blimey, I read the thread title and thought you were talking about a small child being bought certain toys

YABVU it's her money to spend and if she enjoys squandering it then so be it

As long as she's not asking you for a loan when it's all gone.

Her money to do with as she wishes not what you want to do.Let her enjoy her birthday and spend it in what she likes.
She has to learn to budget and save and she wont if you are over controlling and nannying her.

YABVU, in a few years she may have children and her own bills so why shouldnt she have fun whilst young and care free.

I would say too little too late to influence her spending choices now. She 'wastes' her money on what she likes, as do we all.

gordy - you spend CB on cock???????

I see where you're coming from but at 18 you're got to step back and let her on with it.

Also there's no guarantee family will still give her money as it's a special birthday. My dad's family always gave me cash but for 18th every one of then bought me jewellery.

YABU - I think that is too controlling especially for a 18 year old! It's up to her what she wants to buy with any birthday money she gets.

YABU

If she wants to spend the money on her social life, instead of clothes, it is her choice!

Wow! Butt out.

Yabvu she is an adult now you have to let go

She's 18. Ffs, cut the cord.