To think it's rude for a ten year old boy to keep staring into my front room.

[goodiegoodieyumyum]

We have a very small front garden with our car parked in it, sitting in the living room with my children and one of my neighbours children keeps peering around our car and staring in our house, Was I being Unreasonable to ask him to stop and say that it was rude.

I do live in a country where every looks in your window as they walk by, I am used to that but someone coming every couple of minutes and walking away when I make eye contact is just strange.

Sorry, am I missing something? Is it normal for 10 year old Dutch boys to stare into people's living rooms?

From my albeit very brief time in Holland, I found the children in general to be rude and ill disciplined. Apparently the children in holland score highest in the world for being happy.........I'm sure they are as there was no discipline going on that I saw!

I realise that that is a sweeping generalisation before anyone jumps on it!! I am sure there are also lots of lovely well behaved children that don't get noticed because of all the badly behaved ones :)

I have boys who used to be 10 very recently :o . Unless the boy does have learning difficulties (in which case he still needs to learn that it's rude but I would be inclined to be a bit more patient) then he should know that it is rude and should take a telling when told to bugger off not to.

Okay it's not murder (the OP never said it was) but 10 year olds are not little children, and even 5 year olds generally have an awareness to stay off other peoples property if they are told.

haha, is it Holland?

x post,

...not a thing about Dutch boys, but a culture of never closing curtains (to show you have nothing to hide), and people being nosy! In a friendly way.

That's Holland :)

a 10 year old is still little. ok so they are not as little as a 5 year old but they still are little whilst being perfectly capable of understanding many things they are not just small adults who think exactly the same way adults do.

if he was banging on your window calling you names or commiting an actual crime then fair play but is he actually causing any real harm?

perhaps if you go and poke him with a stick or throw stuff at him you could get him to really do something wrong like yell at you or you could just cut the kid some slack

10 year olds have been known to commit murder.

Why would you cut him some slack? If he's been told not to do it and carries on and doesn't have learning disabilities then if it was me I'd be giving him a stern warning of what was to happen if he carried on. My boys have just turned 12 and 11 and so I would say I have a reasonable experience of the behaviour of 10 year old boys - that isn't acceptable behaviour and all the kids I know age 5 upwards would know that without being told.

yes indeed they have however murder is an actual crime, poping out from behind a car to look in a window isant why would you compare the two things? even 10 year olds who commit actual crimes wouldnt be treated like adults by the justice system.

as to a stern warning of what would happen, what exactly would happen what would you surgest?

yes well, the OP has told him off and he stopped.

do you reckon that was because of a stern warning?

sock - I am in agreement with you over this. I don't really know what the point of it was, TBH. Child is annoying, child gets told off, child stops.

I'm Dutch. I've never spent any amount of time peering through other peoples' windows (well, not so I'd get caught anyway )

Not sure if the child was actually Dutch, I live in a very multicultural street. I was annoyed as every time I looked out the window he was peering in and I must admit I was wondering if he was planning on doing something (throw a water balloon, ring my door bell) and waiting for me to go out the room, when I went outside I realised he wasn't alone.

I am normally friendly to the children in my street but as my Dutch is not the best I can't always say what I want to when they are doing something I feel that they shouldn't be.

I am quite fed up with the behaviour of some of the children not only in my street but also at my dd's school, they have no manners, push into you, don't get out of the way if they are in the middle of the street if you are driving or riding a bike. Throw waterballoons at my windows, ring my door bell and run away all of the time, play football in a very narrow street with very small gardens not outside there own home, we have a huge park two minutes away and Dutch children have lots of freedom so can easily go to the park if they want.

I could go on.

I hoping very much to move away from the Netherlands soon as I am not happy here for many reasons which could be a whole other thread.

I have never had a problem before today with someone looking in my window, it's just that he kept doing it and the boys were really affronted when I asked the boy to stop looking in my window.

If he had knocked on the door and asked to come in, that would have been fine, older children have asked to come in before including the boys he was with and I have let them play with my dd although did find it a bit strange that they wanted to play with my dd when she was 2.5 at the time and they would have been 7 or 8 but fine if had asked to play I would not have said no.

I never have either Badgerina, and if my mum had heard about me staring constantly into a neighbour's window I'd have been in for a bollocking :o

sock - I was not comparing the two things - merely pointing out that 10 year olds have the capacity to think and plan to commit serious crimes so the average 10 year old should be able to understand that staring in someones window is rude - they are not the same as 5 year olds and have enough mental capacity to compute that.

And a stern warning in my book is (after they have been asked politely and not carried on anyway) is to tell them the consequences of them continuing. For example - I will come and speak to your parents.

the vast majority of under 12's who commit serious crimes do so due to actual real issues in there lives and they rarely plan them its oppertunity,when they do plan it tends to be more cartoony and with a lack of basic understanding of cause and effect (not just my viewpoint but one echoed by youth justice systems).they do not plan and understand the same way adults who commit crimes do.
but why even point it out? its much the same as saying "very rarely a 10 year old may run into a burning building to rescue a baby" both have bugger all to do with a 10yo looking into a window from behind a car unless you are attempting to claim he was casing the joint.

what exactly would you say to his parents? "sorry to bother you but your 10yo keeps standing on a public highway hiding behind a parked car and looking into my window,from at least the width of a cars distance away" ?

im not sure that you wouldnt just get either looked at blankly whilst they wait for the actual issue to be announced or laughed at. the likly outcome of this action is either "dc please avoid that lady shes got issues" or possibly "dc its not wise to hide behind parked cars just incase you get squished"

kids are kids they occasionally do things that adults dont understand its called playing or perhaps just observing without the exact same social rules that adults get conditioned with as they get older thats what growing up is for.

unless there is much more to it (things that most people would know with out thinking about it) such as actual intimidating behaviour actual real intentional rudeness or crime or bullying most of the time people just need to let them be because its a child. we were all children once and yes we probally did odd things by adult standerds.

if you live in a area with children you may occasionally have the door knocking and running away game played and other such child related things happen,just because a person is a child does not mean they are inferior to you nor does it mean they have to behave exactly like adults but it does mean that you have to conduct yourself as an adult because YOU are one.

I live in a nice neighbourhood. Kids playing chap door run is unusual but normal childhood behaviour - kids staring in your window (at age 10 ) is not.

Th reason I mentioned the fact that 10 year olds can commit serious crimes was in response to the general current on the thread that 10 year olds are @just children@ and shouldn't know (or be told) that staring in someone's window on a frequent basis in not only rude, it's intimidatory.

Yes, children who commit such crimes usually have other issues - but my view is that society was a bit nicer when people didn't shy away from pointing children who are not their own in the right direction when their parents are not around. I can't see why telling a child when their behaviour is unacceptable is taboo as long as you are not shouting or ranting at them.

...and incidentally at which point did I ever suggest that a child is inferior to me? If anything I have done the opposite and not patronised their mental capacities for knowing the difference between right and wrong.

My boys and I spend time talking about acceptable/unacceptable behaviours, mainly stimulated because I have a neighbour with a 9 year old boy whos Grandmother (who they lived with until recently) has had to be protected from him as he has physically and verbally abused her. When the child was younger and used to break other kids stuff and hit them and swear at them etc, his mother would always say "he's only 5, or he's only 6, or he's only 7.........." and then fail to punish or educate him appropriately. These were things that he should know were wrong at the age he was. Now we as a society have an issue as his behaviour is escalating and he is getting bigger and has no friends as the kids are all scared of him and the things he does.........he had inappropriate social boundaries too and thought it was okay to help himself to anyone's stuff in their garage or to play in their garden without permission.

back to the original post though, imo, a 10 year old should know that it is rude etc to stare repeatedly in someone's window and if they don't then they should be told. If I then felt i had to approach the parent/s then I would say " your child is repeatedly staring in my window and making me uncomfortable and I find it rude, I have asked him to stop and he has continued to do so. Please stop him" If someone came and told me that my child was behaving in such a way and continued after they had been asked to stop. I would speak to my child about it. The majority of my neighbours/friends would do the same.

according to the op he is not stood there constantly staring in a intimidating way he was peering round a car every few minutes. she asked him to stop and he did. she didnt say he was looking especially evil or murderious or anything at all to indercate he was a mini crime wave just waiting to happen

a 10yo is a child and no matter how many 10yo's you know who commit crimes it wont change this they dont magicly add several years to there age instantly you know.

the kid you know clearly has family issues that could be delt with and the behaviours you mention him doing are actual real crimes not just 'inappropriate social boundries' i would never under any circumstances advocate not dealing with that. it is not the same thing and tbh makes you sound abit drama queen ish trying to imply it is. do you also think any child in a group consisting of more than 2 are in a gang who are obviously on route to or from drug deals or arson attacks?

oh Goodiegoodie, so it IS Holland!

I guess it is a cultural difference that you may "have to" get used to.

having lived in Holland for many years, I also find children less "polite" than in the UK. But really, it is a cultural difference rather than an abomination, I think.

In Holland people and children are a lot less formal, they don't do uniforms, they would not dream of telling kids how to wear their hair at school (anything goes), doctors don't even wear white coats, teachers wear jeans and flipflops.

To a Dutchman, British politeness and reserve can be interpreted as being "cold", aloof or snobby.

To an Englishmen, a Dutchman's direct and open approach can be easily interpreted as being "rude".

A shame really, as generally the two cultures mix well :)

sock, I no longer have any idea what point you are trying to make here and really can't be arsed to read it all back so whatever it is you are saying, you win if that makes you feel better.

lol at me being a drama queen for thinking that 10 year olds should know better than to stare or lurk an peek or whatever in peoples house - btw - i also have an issue with kids hanging about my car - I don't pay gazzillions of pounds for a car to have some snotty kid leaving germs and scratches all over it.

Have you thought about window film? link here or a blardy great searchlight right in the eyeballs when you catch him at it

how dramatic are you going to get now?

the point is going by the op the child is none of the things you ohh so dramaticly point out.

you probally need to have a nice sit down and relax

what do you mean how dramatic am I going to get? - I was being perfectly relaxed and "don't give a shit" I was going to say you needed a lie down, but thought that would be rude and antagonistic so didn't bother.

....maybe it all makes sense now.......

read your post it does sound rather dramatic.

also i quite possibly do need a lay down chances are we all could benefit from one every now and again

Hmm - doesn't sound dramatic in my head but you can't hear me in there.....I hope! otherwise I might be in serious trouble....but it would explain a few of the strange looks

fair point.

a little game for you to try, when ever you get strange looks just do something a bit different like star jumps or random singing. its vastly entertaining