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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my daughter

22 replies

msnaughty · 04/09/2012 22:50

im really sick of her. my house used to look like a bomb site it was horrible, we have done most of the decorating. laid new carpet/flooring. got rid of all the crap and rubbish. scrubbed everything. has taken weeks to get into a really good order. teen can now have her friends in. she has a boy friend who she has had in the house for 12 hours a day for the past 4 days. apart from today. omg but ask her to wash up and wipe the sides down i get. its not my plate, i did not do that mess. but why do i have to do it. but she wants to reap the rewards of a clean house and have her friends in. not really much point to this thread just a rant!

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 04/09/2012 22:53

Simple. Withhold food and electricity Wink

and it's your house, why are you allowing her bf to be there so much? Hmm

Teamumizumi · 04/09/2012 22:54

Sounds a bit spoilt to me. And who spoiled her?

Namechangegalore · 04/09/2012 22:55

I hope you've disciplined her and aren't just ranting. How old is she?

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2012 22:55

I think everyone has the right to grow up in a basically clean home

Have you only started asking her to chip in and help since you sorted your house out?

I mean is she used to being given chores?

YANBU though, she should be chipping in.

larks35 · 04/09/2012 22:57

Is it just you and your DD? How old is she? What chores does she do? What would you like her to do?

I suggest you sit down with her and agree mutually what her responsibilities and household chores are and if she doesn't agree then she doesn't get to have friends over.

Teamumizumi · 04/09/2012 23:00

My DD used to leave her bedroom in a terrible state until I told her that everytime I did a spot check and it was messy, I would sit her down and make her watch Shakespeare plays that I had recorded on Sky+. Worked a treat. Her bedroom has been immaculate for 3 months now.

nuckingfackered · 04/09/2012 23:01

Simple - Your house, your rules. Sit down with your DD agree some ground rules, explain exactly what your expectations of her are and set clear the consequences of breaking the rules are.

Scholes34 · 04/09/2012 23:01

I remind my children that there are lots of more interesting things I'd much rather be doing than cleaning, washing, tidying etc and that if everyone does their bit and mucks in, all the better. I also insist that everyone in the house, regardless of their age, is respectful of each other and treat each other in a way they'd like to be treated themselves.

Seems to work but isn't done in a heavy-handed way. Hope this isn't sounding like I've just walked off the set of The Waltons.

nuckingfackered · 04/09/2012 23:01

Bloody i phone - make clear not set clear!!

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2012 23:07

Teamumizumi so your DD now sees Shakespeare as a punishment rather than pleasure?

How is that a good thing?

mirry2 · 04/09/2012 23:12

How can you make a teenager do anything if they don't want to?

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 04/09/2012 23:18

she has a boy friend who she has had in the house for 12 hours a day for the past 4 days

are you the parent or the child in your own home?

Teamumizumi · 04/09/2012 23:18

Worra, have you ever read any Shakespeare? It's crap! He is only lauded because he was the first person to nick other people's ideas and pass them off as his own.

Original poster
msnaughty · 04/09/2012 23:24

the kids have aways had chores to do. they used to get 'paid' for doing chores. but one day i asked one of the children to do my a favour first thing they said is how much do i get paid. so i changed it slightly they can still earn their pocket money but they have to do things because its kind to help as well.

my daughter is 15. she has her boyfriend here alot because there is no reason not to. they are not doing any harm. unless of course she carrys on with the but why do i have to do it!

i still make her do what i have asked her. so i cant see how that can be spoilt? just be nice not to listen to her moaning and kissing her teeth!

OP posts:
Original poster
msnaughty · 04/09/2012 23:26

jumping: why would it matter if she has her boyfriend here. im happy with that as long as she helps out in the house to. its her home to.

OP posts:
JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 04/09/2012 23:27

kissing her teeth!

boak< only a certain xxx person does that

CaliforniaLeaving · 04/09/2012 23:28

If the boyfriend is there 12 hours a day, get him roped in to, he can vacuum the carpet while she washes up.
Last time one of my teens moaned about it not being my dish or cup (I forget what it was) I saw red, I remember something about I didn't put the skid marks in your undies and I do the laundry or something to that effect.
My 7 year old tried it the other day, so I did have a talk about the things she does that I clean up after.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 04/09/2012 23:32

she has a boy friend who she has had in the house for 12 hours a day for the past 4 days

why would it matter if she has her boyfriend here. im happy with that as long as she helps out in the house to.

I refer you to your OP

omg but ask her to wash up and wipe the sides down i get. its not my plate, i did not do that mess. but why do i have to do it. but she wants to reap the rewards of a clean house and have her friends in.

she's treating you like a flunky, and her mates/BF are taking advantage.

if you want to keep on acting like a domestic slave - go for it - you seem to have cornered the market

Your OP is a rant (your words) im really sick of her

Remove the lazy , entitled teens privilege - no friends in until she shapes up to being a functioning part of the family.

Or you can suck it up and be a doormat.

Original poster
msnaughty · 04/09/2012 23:45

oh i see what your saying 'jumping' althought she strops and moans about me telling her to help out she still has to do it. so im not the domestic slave. as i said i dont mind her havign her boyfriend here. but if she does change her attitude then i wont allow her to have him in anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
msnaughty · 04/09/2012 23:48

lol 'california' i said a simler thing to daughter to night thats not my blacket i washed, thats not my top i washed, that not my school uniform i washed....

OP posts:
sashh · 05/09/2012 06:08

Ask the boyfriend to wash up, he probably will and she will be mortified.

earlyriser · 05/09/2012 06:28

When my 7 year old says this, I like to come out with the line 'I didn't ask whose plate it was, I asked you to wash it up'

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