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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you worked in a school, would you want your DCs to attend?

57 replies

songbird33 · 04/09/2012 21:26

I really don't want my children to come to the school I work in, as I can't help but think the potential for embarrassment (mine and DCs!) is huge.

DH thinks I am being silly and as the secondary I work at is the best in the area, the DCs should attend.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
epeesarepointythings · 04/09/2012 21:51

My DD has a classmate whose mum worked at the school she went to and taught my DD in a few classes (as cover, not as subject teacher). It was fine.

When I was at secondary, my mum got a job there as maternity cover. She didn't teach me, but she taught some of the girls who went to the same riding club that we all went to - these girls had a very bad rep but put out the word that my mum was not to be messed with as 'she was one of us'.

I don't think my mum would have stayed there beyond mat cover if the job had been available, but it wouldn't have been because of embarrassing Dsis and me.

Joygirl78 · 04/09/2012 21:52

My siblings and I all attended the very good comp where my dad was a senior (and much loved) teacher. He was my maths teacher for 2 of those years. It was a huge school and there were loads of other kids whose parents taught there. It was no big deal. Everyone was used to it.

BitchyHen · 04/09/2012 21:52

When dd1 started her secondary school, I already worked there as a lunchtime supervisor. We didn't have any problems because we respected each others' boundaries. I didn't go over to chat with her when she was with her friends and she didn't expect me to 'fix' things for her with her teachers or other kids.

When I decided to train as a TA I did my work placement at the same school but made sure I avoided her classes.

I now work as a TA in a pupil referral unit so I definitely don't want any of my dcs attending my workplace! Grin

cricketballs · 04/09/2012 21:58

I did actually have an interview at the school my ds went to - I realised whilst there it would be unfair to him - I know that no matter how hard I tried, I would be there in the staff room quizzing each of his teachers about how he was in lesson!

However my bf's daughter went to the school she taught in - they never really mixed in school as it was so large and she was never timetabled for her groups. She did have her dd's friends over but, they were sensible enough to understand the difference between home and school.

I do think it really depends on your dc and yourself; how will they react? Are they 'strong enough' to deal with their peers moaning about you? Are they strong enough to deal with peers calling you names etc (as all kids do about teachers) without reacting?

Are you able to remain distant and just use parents evenings etc? How calm will you be if something is not going right?

Original poster
songbird33 · 04/09/2012 22:04

DS1 would be fine I think. DD and DS2 - not sure to be honest. DD has a good group of friends, should be OK but I think she'd feel very pressured to be perfect. DS2 I think might be a bit of a bully target. I like to think I'm a calm parent (usually!) The worry for me is that I feel they should have a life independent of me, and if (say) DD became friends with a girl and wanted her to come out for the day with us, would she and I feel embarrassed then if I needed to give her a detention?

It's those conflicts of interest really that put me off the idea.

OP posts:
JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 04/09/2012 22:12

O/T I think I might become the parent from hell. I will have an eye on sick lists, know when my son has too many cover supervisors/supply teachers. It will be difficult to distance from staff room conversations. I will have to close off students home lives etc etc if my son becomes friends from them.

And I dare say I wont be able to slip into my Jimjams as soon as I walk through the door if he brings someone home either sigh, or tab up a fag

mumof4sons · 04/09/2012 22:18

I work in the school that my boys attend. They are yr8 and yr10. They don't seem to mind. The other students think it is kinda cool. I occasionally have to cover their lessons, but it's not so bad and quite entertaining for the other kids when they answer 'here mum' to the register.

It works to my advantage too. One school run as opposed to the four I used to have to do every morning (I had 4DSs in 3 different schools and me at another). I am also very aware of how they are getting on in classes, though I try not to get to involved and wait for parents evenings.

larks35 · 04/09/2012 22:23

Songbird, I think you are over-thinking. If your DS2 has older siblings then he is very much less likely to be a bully target (actually if it was known that you were his mum, then this likelihood is even less).

WRT giving detentions to friends of your DCs, as long as the detention was made clear as a consequence of their actions (or inactions), then I don't think they would worry about it.

Surely, the quality of education your DCs receive is far more important than the situations you are thinking about. If you worked in a challenging school, I'd understand your concerns, but why deny your DCs the chance in a good school? If you really don't want to work in the same school as your DCs, what about you going elsewhere and allowing your DCs the good opportunities good schools give? Wink

LST · 04/09/2012 22:25

My mum was a dinner lady at my primary school. She started 2 weeks after my first day. And then when I went to 'big' school she got a new job in that kitchen 6 months after me starting Grin

I loved it. Free food!!

HereBenson · 04/09/2012 22:25

If it's the best in the area presumably a lot of other staff have their children at the school so they would be in good company. Certainly was the case at DS' school and no-one seemed to make anything of it.

Teamumizumi · 04/09/2012 22:27

Don't. My mum was a teacher at my school and everyone used to say that the only reason I got parts in school plays and ran the school mag was because of her. they were probably right. I also made the mistake of getting a job at my DC school. DD was already there. Two things happened 1) DD's friends instantly started grilling me for inside gossip about the school 2) if I met a certain parent in the street/at swimming lessons etc, she would complain about the teachers and want me to sort it out. DS has now joined the school and half the parents treat me with contempt/look down on me.

For both kids, this has affected their friendship groups.

However, the good news is that those friends they have are REAL friends, and it's very nice to see what goes on at school during the day.

I will be quitting my job soon. Part of the reason is that I want to be a regular school mum again.

HOWEVER, if your school is the best secondary school in the area, then send them there. They only get to go to school once and they need the best chance they can get in this day and age.

larks35 · 04/09/2012 22:27

OP, do any of your colleagues have DCs at your school? Maybe chat to them about it?

Teamumizumi · 04/09/2012 22:28

I know Instarted that last post "don't"..... But donasyor gut instinct tells you - and ask yor kids what they want to do!!

whathasthecatdonenow · 04/09/2012 22:33

I work in a massive school, going on for 2000 students, and we have quite a few children of teachers and support staff attending. How well it goes differs - one teacher in particular is the butt of a lot of jokes by students, and that led to the elder child getting into fights, whilst the younger actually joins in with those taking the piss out of his father in order to 'fit in'. It makes for very strained family relationships (Dad confided at Parents Evening).

Other teachers it works out okay with, one does teach her daughter but asks a colleague to double mark her assessments so as to be above suspicion. There is sometimes an issue with some support staff - a couple have been warned about bothering teaching staff/HOYs at inappropriate times, or doing things like looking up confidential behaviour reports of their children's friends.

I think you have to be very aware that even the 'nicest' and 'best' teachers will get called all sorts on the playground - can your kids cope with hearing that without being upset?

airedailleurs · 04/09/2012 22:34

yes, my mum taught at the secondary school that my sister and I attended and it truly was mortifying - some pupils were really mean and my teachers could discuss me with her in the staff room, I would avoid it if at all possible.

SundaysGirl · 04/09/2012 22:56

Any chance you could find a position in one of the other schools if this is the best school and you are really worried?

I think it's pretty reasonable to be concerned I think people forget how excruiatingly embarassing children at secondary school can find even the littlest of things and being embarassed by a parent IS a big deal to them at that age. Other kids can be really cruel as well.

Sorry if I've missed this OP but what are your childrens feelings on it? Have they thought about what it might be like or got any concerns themselves?

Original poster
songbird33 · 04/09/2012 22:58

Larks, bit unfair - it's one of three schools with a decent commute and I have a senior position, not as easy for me to "just change schools."

All my instincts are screaming no to be honest and first hand accounts from people are confirming that.

Thanks for replying.

OP posts:
PookiePops · 05/09/2012 00:03

In case you need any further input... DM was a supply teacher at my school. Was horrendous at the time, but I have got over it!!

bobbledunk · 05/09/2012 00:44

I would have hated to have had one of my parents working in my secondary school, it would have been mortifying and probably quite upsetting to hear bad things being said about them.

Have you asked your kids for their opinion? If they don't mind, go ahead with it, if they do, send them elsewhere. If the schools in your area aren't great would boarding school be an option?

MotherOfSuburbia · 05/09/2012 01:14

My mum taught at my secondary but never taught me and it was never a problem. I actually quite liked having her around and we'd walk home together which was nice.

My DH's dad was deputy head at his school and in charge of discipline which I think was a bit tough at times, especially in a boys school, but they muddled through.

ripsishere · 05/09/2012 01:24

My 11 YO DD has always attended DHs schools. Apart from last year when she and I came back to England. She was really upset that she wasn't able to see her Dad every day - he was living in Belgium.
Currently, we are in KL, she is in his school and is being taught by him. She loves it. Not sure the same would apply if she was in the UK though.
Anecdotatly, my SiLs were taught by MiL. They both had a really hard time at school because of it. MiL was well known for being an unpredictable, bullying twat though and I am sure you are neither OP.

DeWe · 05/09/2012 09:00

I agree with you. I wouldn't want to work in the school my dc went to unless there was a good reason. Depends on the other schools, if the other schools will do the dc well I'd send them there.

Alligatorpie · 05/09/2012 09:26

DH and I teach at an international school overseas, ( well I am on mat leave this year) and dd1 goes to the school. Last year she loved having me 2 doors down, but she is six. This may change.
Both girls will be going to the school we work at as they provide tuition as part of the package. Otherwise almost all our salaries would be eaten up by tuition.
If we were at home, we would probably try to stay in separate schools.

halcyondays · 05/09/2012 10:19

My mum taught at my primary school and it was perfectly fine, although primary may be different. Although there were some teachers at my secondary who had kids at the school and there didn't seem to be any issues.

Bosgrove · 05/09/2012 10:23

I have the same problem, DH works in the best secondary school in the area (one of the senior teachers so in a quite visible role). I have the choice of sending them to that school, another school that we are about 1.5 miles from which gets worse results or trying to get them into a church school quite a long way away which some years we would get in, but others we wouldn't.

I am hopeing that DH gets a job in another school in the next couple of years so I don't have to worry.