to be completely unable to say 'No'?

[SheelaNeGig]

Why can i not do it?

'Will you work Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning?'

'DitherUmDitherErUm'
'yes ok'

Fucksake i don't bloody want to sodding work tonight. I fucking hate nights.I absolutely fucking hate nights.

I am tired. I fon't want to stay awake sll night.

I want sleep.

Why could i have not said no?

I can't tell if you're British, but this is fairly common in the UK, ime. Some cultures have an 'if you don't ask, you don't get' culture, in which it's ok to ask for things, and it's ok to say 'no' to people's requests. In the UK, ime, it's generally not easy to ask, and it's considered fairly rude to say 'no'.

That being said, if someone asks something of you, they are probably from an 'it's ok to ask' culture, in which case, in their universe, it's ok to say 'no'. So you should.

I used to be like this, and in many circumstances I still am, but I find the only way I can actually say 'no' so that it comes out of my mouth, out loud, and isn't just ringing around in my own head, is to be almost theatrical about it - e.g.

'Will you work Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning?'

'Urgh no way! I hate nights, definitely not!'

I am still rubbish at saying no to friends asking for favours, but I can just about say no in a work context now and I can turn down unwanted social invitations like this - 'Do you fancy going to see [crummy theatre show]?' 'Sorry I absolutely loathe the theatre - but I'll go out for drinks, dinner or to a spa any time!'.

British.

I can't do it.

And now i have to go to work.

Humph.

You need to practice saying no. Sorry, no, I'd love to help, but I really don't want to. Works a treat every time.

Do you want lessons? I am brilliant at saying no.

It gets easier to say every time you say it IMO.

Yes Nancy66. Please give us a lesson on how to say no!

Some people are so good at it. They say it in such a tone so it's not offensive or chuck it into a phrase.

I used to struggle with it when I was younger, I'm getting better though.

It's a condition that affects a lot of people. There are assertiveness courses that help you strike a balance between submissive and aggressive.

Thing is, you don't have to say either yes or no right away.

How about, "I'll have to think about it" or "I'll just check and see if I'll be able to." That will give you thinking time to consider how to say no if you want to give a reason - not that you need one. "No is a complete sentence" and all that...

Employer: "do you want to work tonight?"
You: "no thanks"

The secret (I believe) is to not offer any reason or excuse - that's where people tie themselves in knots.

Offer no reason as to why you can't do what is being asked of you and there is no room for negotiation.

For example (taking OP's case) if I had said 'oh I'd love to but I'm meeting my friend Sue tonight.'

Pushy person asking the favour may well say: 'can't you ring Sue and see if she can meet another night instead?'

Instead you just say 'No, that's not convenient. Sorry.' firmly but calmly. That's it.

Also remember that people always ask those they think will say 'yes' first - so the more you say 'no' the less you get asked.

Totally agree with Nancy, especially on the knot-tying bit. Keep it simple!