To think that people don't really like to hear your good news

[MrsBramStoker]

My DD (almost 5) started school last week and has settled very well!! I'm chuffed really as she has slight health problems as a baby etc but am delighted that she seems to love the school environment, been treated more like a grown up girl in big school, has no problem mixing with the other kids so far, etc.

Friends and family members asked/phoned/texted to see how she got on and when I said great they seemed a.surprised, b. didn't reply/had nothing to say, etc. c. didn't say (apart form my mother and close friends and sisters) 'oh that's great!'

I felt I had to apologise for her settling so well and said she might actually have a meltdown/bottle it on week 3 of school (might in fact happen) and they agreed. I even had to apologise to another mum at the scholl as her child was in tears everyday for fear of sounding too smug

One particular friend sent me a 'how did she settled in school/was I crying text' and when I said it all went great, no reply! The thing is, got me thinking. My husband was on hospital back in June with something potentially serious, and this friend sent me texts everyday with thinking of you/asking for updates in his health, etc.

I can worry and voice my worries to friends and family though. So maybe they see me in this mode. But the cynical side of me thinks - no one is interested in hearing things are going great or if you tell anyone about achievements/postivie things about your life or your kids if they ask you!!

AIBU??

If they are the kind of people who are very supportive when you have hard times, I would forgive them for not raving over this.

You might be reading too much into this. When I receive a good news text I think, 'great!' but I might not reply.

If I receive a bad news text, I think they need help and I'm more likely to get in touch.

If things are going well for you, there's nothing for your friends/family to worry about, is there? You can therefore get on with work, hobby, shopping, meeting friends without worrying about your child.

Surely the only opinions that matter are your mum, close friends and sisters anyway!! And you got positive replies from them...

Oh and it's great that your DD has settled so well

I think you are right, but cast your mind back to how you have talked about your child starting school, have you had lots of convos were you are saying worried things, like I hope she is alright etc, they may be suprised as you have set them up in previous convos to expect that she would not be alright.

Mother, close friends and sisters is quite a lot more people showing an interest in your child than many people have - it sounds normal to me!

Perhaps those less close to you didn't realise that you were worried about it?

You are probably reading too much into this but there's this thing that my friend once told me and I believe there's a lot of truth to it. We usually say that you find out who your true friends are when things go wrong but actually, the opposite is true. Those who genuinely feel happy for our successes are the true friends. Feeling pity for others is way easier than feeling true happiness for somebody else. I'm rambling now.

In any case, about your particular situation, I would think that perhaps nobody was expecting your DD not to settle well? Well done her anyway!

I wasn't really worried/worrying about her starting school at all and am not sure I remember voicing any worries anyway.

Just got me thinking that, in life, we shouldn't just get in touch with people when crisis but call each other up to say 'I heard the good news!'.., etc etc

I love that inspiredbtboot - that's it exactly!!!

People love to feel pity for others, it's easier than beaming with happiness for someone else.

some people like to hear your bad news, because it makes them feel better about their own lives. some like to hear it so that they can help, or at least offer sympathy.

the first kind of person will only ever get told my good news. And i love good news from a friend. it's nice when their children are good, or do well at school.

It is fantastic she has settled in well but It really isn't a huge deal for most people you family were pleased and that is all that matters, but i bet folk wouldve perked up if she has a screaming fit everymorning AND WAS HOLDING ONTO YOUR LEG YELLING DON'T GO MUMMY [HMM]

oh my caps locked sorry

I think probably if they are there normally for you it's more of a case of..well..it's really not that exciting / interesting for most people. Sorry I know it's a big deal to you, but it really isn't to anyone else. They sounded pleased but really settling in well on first week at school is nice but hardly earth shattering and worthy of OMG squealing type excitement. Think you are reading far too much into at and assuing everyone else has the same level of concern as you regarding her settling in.

If they're texting you to see how she is getting on then I think they're being very supportive. I wouldn't expect friends to particularly remember to text me on that sort of thing.

Really someone elses child settling in for the first week of school isn't that much of a conversation for others who don't have the same level of interest. Them not settling isn't more interesting but I'd be more likely to reply if you had said it went dreadfully, but only because I'd want to support and reassure you, not because I wanted all the juicy details to gloat.

Similarly if someone asks how something went for me, if I say "great" then I don't need to talk through it. If it went badly I may feel better if other reassure me that they've been through it too.