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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really rude and irritating?

17 replies

Naysa · 04/09/2012 14:03

I still live at home with my parents and don't start college again until thursday. They don't charge me rent even though I'm 19 as I'm still in education but I obviously help around the house as much as I can.

Dad's friend's eldest daughter has been taken to hospital -after drinking and taking her medication even though she's underage- for no obvious reason -even though the doctors have told the family that this is the reason she's poorly- and they have -dumped- dropped their kids, 11 and 4, off with us.

This wouldn't be a problem at all apart from the fact that the parents dropped them off here yesterday and were gone for about 5 hours. Obviously this wasn't an issue, their child is in hospital. What was a problem was that they dropped the kids off at half twelve, they hadn't had their lunch and the older of the two hadn't had breakfast so they were hungry. When the parents eventually came to pick up the kids it turns out that they only went to the hospital at visiting hours from 3-4 and basically spent the day doing sweet fanny adams while we looked after their naughty, dishonest children.

My mum told them that she had a lot to do tomorrow (meaning today) as she didn't get much done on the day we were minding their kids so we have a LOT to do today. Lo and behold they turn up today at half one. The youngest went to nursery in the morning so has had dinner but the oldest one, once again, is hungry.

AIBU to think that this is out of order?

OP posts:
tartyflette · 04/09/2012 14:09

Well, yesterday I could forgive them for, they may have been in a panic etc. But as for today, to drop them off at 1.30 without giving them any lunch first is rude. YANBU.
(and did they ask whether they could bring them today first? And surely the 11-year old could go with the parents to vist the older sister in hospital)

onetiredmummy · 04/09/2012 14:12

Why did your mum not say you couldn't have them today as you had prior plans/were going out etc?

Yesterday I can understand, today as well without checking first is a bit odd. I take it you don't like the kids?

DoubleCactus · 04/09/2012 14:15

Yabu to be 19 and saying things like "sweet fanny adams"!

onetiredmummy · 04/09/2012 14:19

Sorry I didn't type that last post very well, I was suggesting that your mum say you are going out if they turn up tomorrow as well.

So why did they stay out for 5 hours & only visit daughter for 1, did they give a reason?

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 04/09/2012 14:27

I find it odd at 19 you are involving your self in this, not your peoblem let your mum and dad deal with this.

Original poster
Naysa · 04/09/2012 14:37

They went home, had dinner, did some shopping ect.
If they had have been at the hospital it wouldn't have been a problem but we had to put our day on hold because we looked after their kids.
heEnthusiasticTroll yes, I'm 19, an adult. I am helping to look after them as I'm not doing anything in the day. Why is that a problem? Me and mum are wondering what other people think so I've posted here.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 04/09/2012 14:43

Why is it such an issue for you?? Confused

That's what friends do for each other - help out in difficult times. Giving someone's kids some beand on toast is hardly backbreaking. Nor is putting off a few chores. And if it is an issue then it's up to your mum to say something isn't it?

onetiredmummy · 04/09/2012 14:45

I think if you & your mum are not happy with the parent's behaviour, then don't let them do it to you again. You can either tell them the truth or tell them a white lie about pre planned stuff. Stand firm.

If you don't want to look after their kids, you don't have to :)

nailak · 04/09/2012 14:50

i think if you going to look after kids feeding them and listening to them cry from time to time is part of the deal tbh.

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 04/09/2012 14:54

Yes, I agree, if this is a problem and you don't want it to happen again, you have to have the balls to tell them no.

NameGames · 04/09/2012 15:06

If you don't want to do it, say "no." or "only for an hour while you're at the hospital." or "sorry, no food in for them, so make sure they've eaten before you come round."

They are in denial about their daughter whose behaviour has been so dangerous she's been hospitalized. They're probably trying to get their heads around it without dealing with challenging behaviour from their other two. It doesn't sound like the perfect way to respond, but it's not that surprising.

You sound like you are making a huge deal out of it. It desn't take two people to look after an 11 yr old and a 4 yr old, so if you need to get some things done, one of you should go off and do them. They aren't being very considerate or trying hard to minimize the disruption to your lives, so set your boundaries and communicate clearly. Don't nod and smile as though it's fine and then be nasty about them behind their backs (probably better on here than anywhere else though).

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 04/09/2012 17:02

I have not infered you where not an adult, however I do feel that as this is an arrangement between your mum and her friends then it is down to your mum to say something or worry about it.

If it is a problem then she needs to deal with it.

If, however, you have a problem with your mum chosing to look after these children, to help out and that has afected your plans together then that is an other issue altogether that you should bring up with your mother.

How do you know for surte they where not seeing a psychiatrist or arranging some support with CAHMS or the community mental health team or the GP and did not want to share that with you. Or a couple discussing the way forward with thier dd. grabbing a supermarket shop when they had the oppertunity.

They asked if your mum could look after the kids she said yes so Im assuming that she wanted to. If not she should say no.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 04/09/2012 17:04

you sound quite self rightious and judgemntal aswell if Im honest.

tryingtonotfeckup · 04/09/2012 17:20

I would be happy to look after someones children if one child was in hospital and they needed to visit her. Happened to us this week but we had the child in hospital. However, if they dropped them off and then just visited her for 1 hour and weren't doing anything else to resolve the situation, getting help etc I'd be annoyed. Did they say what they had been doing?

tryingtonotfeckup · 04/09/2012 17:26

Oh seen earlier post, they had dinner? I'd be annoyed, the agreement was to look after the kids at short notice because one child was in hospital, not to do some shopping.

EnglishEponine · 04/09/2012 17:32

YANBU, they were completely taking the piss. Looking after their kids in a genuine time of need is fair enough, but they've taken advantage of your family and their own daughter's hospital stay to get some free time. Angry

InkyBinky · 04/09/2012 17:41

YANBU,

you really should have said that you cant look after them....it is that simple. (although always easier to say than do Smile )

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