To go back to work

[DixieD]

I have 3 kids and have been a SAHM for almost 6 years. I have enjoyed it but I am ready to go back to work. I have found the perfect job. Interesting, using my skills, part time (3 days) and flexible. Pay and conditions are good and they have given me twice the amount of annual leave I am entitled to. I have found a childminder I like and I think I will work well with. My older two love her.
The problem is DS2. He will be a year by the time i start in a month. He is super clingy. He has met the CM a couple of times and been fine with her, but yesterday I left him for half an hour with her and she had to text me to come back. He was hysterical.
I am so worried now. I feel so selfish. I am only going back to work for me. We don't need the money. But I feel like I am losing my mind being at home with the three of them. It's so busy and relentless. Most evenings I am close to tears doing the bedtimes. I feel like my head will explode if they don't go to sleep and I can have some peace. I enjoyed working, I will be good at this job. If I don't take it I won't get another as good. It's pure fluke I got this one.
But how can justify causing my baby this much distress? I can't leave him all day if he's going to be like this can I? Oh god, I want to go back but am I going to have to accept that I need to stay at home a bit longer?

YANBU. Your child getting upset for one day doesn't mean he won't ever settle. Keep building up the time and he'll get used to it. Better that than losing your mind.

He'll be fine

He will be fine. He will settle eventually. Half an hour is nothing. Sounds like you have a great opportunity so you should grab it with both hands.

Sometimes it's better to leave them a little longer so they have time to calm down. Build up the time he's there and he'll be fine. :)

I know its hard but I think most children go through this - whether its under 1 with a carer, or screaming their lungs out first day at school! He will adapt and cope - and he won't remember any of it. He will possibly remember some of the fun bits with his minder. :)

If its any help my dd went to nursery for 3 days a week at 9 months and despite all my best efforts to settle her in etc she was crying when I left her for the first couple of weeks (but I needed to work)! ... But when I went to pick her up she was fine. She's now a very happy, independent 9 year old and she talks about her time at nursery (she was there till 3) fondly... All good things :) ! So if it saves your sanity to work, then work you must. Just try leaving him a little longer each time - he will learn that you will return :)

I found it took a long while for my DS to settle at his nursery. He was an incredibly clingy nine month old. I was called back several times as he was hysterical. But every time he went, they learnt little things about him (that he loved music, that he loved yoghurt, he loved practical jokes, his individual cues...oh and he wanted to be carried all the time) that they could use to comfort him.

Within a couple of weeks, he only cried for a very short time after I left him. It look a few months for him to really settle down. But he was held and cuddled and understood I was returning.

Now at just two, he loves it and has to be reminded to come back and kiss me bye as he's so keen to get involved. It is very insulting but also makes me happy that something I was very scared about has not proved wrong for us all.

He tells me now that he has fun at nursery and chatters about all the other kids and who did what but is still a very cuddly, close boy who always wants to be physically close to me or his dad at home.

If he really doesn't settle, then maybe returning to work at this stage isn't right for you. But it's worth a decent go as you can always give up if it doesn't work knowing you've really tried. And with any luck, your DS will enjoy it when it is no longer a shock to him.