...To wish my OH didn't live with me?

[ThreeEdgedSword]

It's my first thread...

Been with OH for just over a year, and have 1 DS from a previous relationship.

When we first got together, we did the usual loved-up, spend-all-our-time- together thing. He spent most weeknights at my house (I don't get out much as I'm a SAHM). I've recently moved, and we decided it would be easier to actually move in together, as he practically lived with me anyway.

A month later, I'm in a right strop with him. Yes, he pays his way, but he's taken it upon himself to comment on my housework, my parenting and even how I spend my free time. He insists on playing loud games on the PC when I'm trying to watch TV, or gets the arse when I want to play Xbox and he wants to watch telly. He also complains if I don't Hoover every single bloody day, if I want to spend (my!) money on something totally frivolous, and if I call time without my DS "time off". He reckons I make being a mum sound like a chore.

Wow, sorry, this turned into a bit of a rant...almost finished, I promise...

My main issue is the fact that I'm used to having my own space, and almost total freedom (was split from DS's father for two years before we got together). Now I'm struggling and feel like he's taking over my life. I have explained this, but nothing changes. AIBU to expect him to give me some space? I am by nature very independent and I just hate him nagging at me all the time.

OP it doesn't sound like you knew each other well enough thugh does it? Or this wouldn't have come as such a surprise would it?

Op - so what exactly is his appeal? Because he sounds like a twat - and it's also not a very good environment for your son to be in.

Starting to sound like an all too familiar story of desperate single mum + leeching cock lodger boyfriend.

EdithWeston, I wasn't treating him as a guest, but he is paying half of everything now when he wasn't before, so maybe now he feels entitled?

Thr criticism part is important OP. I lived alone before moving in with my partner, so had to do finances, food shopping, cleaning, laundry etc on my own. They're boring but essential tasks I've learnt to do. My partner lived with his parents after uni so never really got to do solo adult life.

He does some things that annoy me because of it, but I never criticise him for it. Most of the time its a difference in attitudes/expectations and nothing more, so we just let the other one get on with it. If it's causing a problem, ie food shopping (he hates it so always puts it off - but we need food!) we've worked out a solution together that works. He really shouldn't be criticising, he should be looking for how to work it out. As I like to tell my team at work "Bring me solutions not problems"!

Pig, it's very hard to see what it would be like to live with someone, regardless of how well you know them, isn't it? After all, I lived with my best friend a before I had DS, and we argued almost every day.

Nancy66, desperate? bad choice of words perhaps? As for the appeal...I honestly don't know anymore. We were really good together before, I just don't understand how it could change just like that.

three Just a thought - I take his M&D have a stable relationship? He's probably trying to replicate his parents relationship and home life. We do all tend to follow a pattern. You both just have to compromise and find your own way.

If his mum was a manic house keeper, he's going to try and replicate that: simple solution you do it Mon, Wed , Fri, he does it Tue, Thur, Sat. Or he does the hoovering because you like washing dishes - it is all about balance.

In any relationship you cant have one easy touch parent and one strict one - that just gives a child scope to undermine

Jumping, yes, his parents are very happily married, in fact it makes me a tad jealous as my parents are divorced. We've tried a rota, but it only worked for a few weeks as DS sometimes has needy days and I have to focus on him, and it physically and emotionally drains me, but then that's motherhood!

As far as easygoing and strict with DS, it's actually the other way round, I have a routine and try to stick to it, but OH is a soft touch.

Everyone, thank you so much for all the advice. I do struggle to tell OH that it upsets me, because my self esteem is still in bits from DS's father. It wasn't really my idea for OH to move in, it just kind of happened. Ugh, I'm such a doormat. I can't believe I'm just realizing it now.

Maybe things were good before because he was on his best behaviour (possibly in the hope of moving in with you) and now he feels he doesn't have to bother?

If he thinks the floor should be hoovered every day why doesn't HE do it?
Playing loud games on PC when you are trying to watch TV is not on. Either
put the PC somewhere else or sort out times.

He seems to be very critical of you - not very supportive is he? Looking after DCs is hard work no matter how much you love them. You are not a bad parent to enjoy and want some 'time off'. How you spend your money is your business - what's it got to do with him? Is he worried you'll get into debt like him or just being controlling?

I would definately be scrutinising this guy VERY carefully - you and DC don't need a negative influence in your life.

Just sit him down and tell him how things should be "shared" now between you. If he doesn't pull his weight then ship him back off to his parents, he will ether buck up or you're best off without him really aren't you.

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your comments and advice, I had a long talk with him about it all and we've sorted everything out. It's now been almost two weeks and not a single incident or argument

to all of you, and the is on me

I'll be first with the please, OP. I'm usually the hostess so see that everyone else gets it and I'm always last and the one with one glass all night.