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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not send my son to Pre-school?

22 replies

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 03/09/2012 09:28

DS is 3 and can start Pre-school this month.

We are in a bit of an impossible housing situation and will be going into temporary housing within the next few weeks (could be any day now)

I have no idea where we will end up and for that reason I've not put my sons name down anywhere. I don't want to move him from place to place when so much is already going on.

Over the last few days I've had a few concerned or disapproving looks over this.

Is it really that bad for him to miss Pre-school just now?

OP posts:

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 03/09/2012 09:30

They don't have to go to preschool. My DD1 only went to a nursery as I needed childcare at the time. Otherwise I'd have just taken her to the odd toddler group, I think.

Bobyan · 03/09/2012 09:35

It's a difficult one really, have you thought about asking at your surestart centre as they maybe able to offer you support like help with travel or accesss to groups with people in similar situations. I know social services can often intervene to request that preschools bump people with special circumstances up preschool waiting lists too...

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 03/09/2012 09:37

I don't think it's so bad he's not going but the reactions I've had have made it seem like I'm stunting his development or something?

I'm doubting my decision now.

I just don't want to put him somewhere only to move him a couple of times but someone has said that would be better then not going.

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 03/09/2012 09:39

I think you're right, moving him around on top of moving house would just stress him out.

Make sure you're doing lots of educational based play and getting out to groups for him to socialise with other children, and he'll be fine :) Ignore the disapproving people, someone will always disapprove of something you're doing as a parent!

Zippylovesgeorge · 03/09/2012 09:40

Until you know where you will be living IMO it would be best for him not to start as the messing about and possibly changing pre-schools won't help.

Once you are settled then get him a place but until then leave - pre-school is NOT compulsory.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 03/09/2012 09:41

It depends on what your child is like. If your ds is quite confident and sociable then he might be fine being moved a couple of times, plenty of children cope with it fine. Plenty of others might not though, so it's really a very individual choice you have to make.

I work with Early Years though so I'm biased, but I think the benefits of pre school are enormous. Even with a less confident child, I think the vast majority of children are better off doing at least a couple of terms of pre school before they start school.

I don't think you need to be in a hurry to start pre school, but personally, I wouldn't leave it too long.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 03/09/2012 09:42

I don't think it's bad.

But if things are stressful you might find you need/appreciate the time he is occupied elsewhere, and he might find it helpful too to have the structure.

I think I'm right in saying temp accomodation might be a b&b or similar? You won't want to be there all day.

Pendeen · 03/09/2012 09:43

" Over the last few days I've had a few concerned or disapproving looks over this. "

Why does that worry you?

ErikNorseman · 03/09/2012 09:43

No you should definitely wait IMO. Pre schoolers don't need to follow term structures, he'll be better of waiting a few weeks or months and not having to move again.

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 03/09/2012 09:45

He has always been a shy boy but is coming through that now.

I can see the benefits of pre school. I just don't think everything changing so much would be a good idea right now.

Thanks for the replies - just second guessing all my choices right now!

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 09:46

ID be concerned people were being iffy with you over this considering your housing situation which i hope you get sorted soon, wait until you are settled before you even think about preschool you might want himt o go when you know where you are, He doesnt have to go it is fun for them to go imo

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 03/09/2012 09:50

Yes - b&b for upto 6 weeks. Then Temp housing (god knows what or where) for however long it takes to bid on a place.

I'm not sure why I'm so concerned - I just want to do the right thing but I'm not so confident I am I guess.

I appreciate it would be good for us both to have the space/routine but I could end up anywher over the city and it would mean travelling if I want to keep him in the same place - which I would.

OP posts:

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 03/09/2012 09:53

I know Mrsjay - bit annoyed when I think about it. Like I don't have enough guilt going on now! And if you have the time to comment on my sons pre school schedule then you have the time to ask how we are doing just now but that is a whole other thread!

OP posts:

Feminine · 03/09/2012 09:56

I am experiencing something similar.

I'm going to have to take my DD out of pre-school as I just can't get her there.

Its difficult because she has already done 5 months in one.

Hopefully by January we will have a second car that will allow me to drive her there.

So, don't worry too much at this point. I think, as long as they have done a little bit of pre-school (before reception) it will help.

We were also homeless and have recently been housed. I had to accept it, even though its very, very rural.

Good luck :)

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 09:57

are you in the UK golf have you got a social worker that sounds right nosey you dont have to answer if you don't want but maybe you could get intouch with homestart in your area they help families with under5s it might be really stressful in a B n B with a 3 year old, I was pregnant in a B n B it can be quite stressful ,

Emmielu · 03/09/2012 10:02

Its not an absoloute must. Wherever you're moved to, see if there is a toddler group you could take him to just to socialise a little. Its a good idea not to put him down for a pre-school you dont want things difficult for him as things seem hard for you at the moment anyway. Good Luck and i hope wherever you get moved to is nice enough for you and your DS.

littleducks · 03/09/2012 10:07

I expect people are just thinking that preschool would offer him someone too go and play each day, you probably wont have much space for toys in a B&B and a familiar place when everyting else is changing. However if he is shy and would have to move and resettle it obviously wouldnt benefot him so just wait a bot.

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 03/09/2012 10:07

I am in the UK Mrsjay - I don't have a social worker you nosey caaah ;)

I don't know if I will have one once we are placed in b&b though - the council are rubbish at actually telling us how it will be. I'm not sure If I'd want one to be honest. Bit worried about how it would look.

I will look at homestart though. I think the next few months will mean enough upheaval for him and swapping him around pre schools won't help surely?

As soon as we are settled I'll get him in one.

Just wish I didn't feel so guilty about him 'missing out'

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 10:09

Just google Homestart your area they are nothing to do with the council or SS , he isn't missing out on anything try and take 1 step at a time get into the B n B then take it from there its easier like that

forevergreek · 03/09/2012 10:14

I think it's a good idea. Changing home environments to the unknown, he will likely want to stay close to you

Personally I think the whole British system is geared up for children going to school too early ( I am British myself but having live abroad for a few years and now back I can see the benefits of starting kindergarten at 4/5 and school at 6/7)

Children have to grow up so quick anyway nowadays

Settle yourselves as a family and he will be able to atten whenever you all feel ready

chocoluvva · 03/09/2012 10:19

Could you take him to lots of other structured sessions for pre-schoolers perhaps. Of the top of my head - music maker (groups), tumble tots, organised sessions at the library instead of playgroup?
I'm not sure about the cost of these things - council run things should offer reduced prices for low income families.

TittyWhistles · 03/09/2012 10:23

I don't want to send my ds to pre-school either, and we're in a stable home situation. I just don't want him to be influenced by people outside of his family for as long as possible.
Whether people think its weird or they disapprove doesn't concern me.

Basically, you do what you think is right for your child and don't worry about what other people think . I hope you manage to get settled soon.

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