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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to keep my child away from neighbors children?

32 replies

lionsgorawr · 03/09/2012 01:16

Hi all, facing a bit of a dilemma here. My neighbor who lives two floors up from me has 4 children, who frankly, are just wild. Discovered recently that they had found a birds nest and stomped on all the eggs..They also have constant problems with head-lice...Latest case has been so bad all the children have had their hair cut really short. The mother is on her own with them and just lets them run wild, doesn't really seem to be any discipline what-so-ever with them.
They must chap my door 5 times a day asking if my DD (who is only 14 months) can "come out and play" and if we say no, they proceed to go into our garden and peek in our living room window! (We live on ground floor)
I used to take DD out the front to watch them play as she used to laugh at them acting silly for her but lately after seeing some of the statuses their mother has posted on facebook about them, I'm rather reluctant to let DD near them. I know I should probably mention something to the mother but am too scared she takes it the wrong way and things become hostile, especially since we have to share a stair with each other.
I'm just really beginning to loose my patience with it all as I can't even come back from the local shops without them all crowding around the buggy and asking whats in my bags...It makes me feel really uneasy.
Basically, I just don't know what to do about the whole situation and could do with some advice as DP is starting to get annoyed with the constant door knocking. They sometimes even do it when they fine well know DD is not in the house (having seen her go away with ILs etc)...Sorry, I know this is all a bit muddled up and probably doesn't make much sense..Just at wits end with it all!

OP posts:

AgnesBligg · 03/09/2012 01:26

oh dear.

Ok Why aare they allowed to go in your garden? that's something you could politely ask the mum about?

I think you may just need to manage the coming back with shopping thing. A jokey, give me space kids, none of your business. Type of thing.

If you don't want DD to play with them then just don't. It's raelly not your problem.

omfgkillmenow · 03/09/2012 01:33

YANBU but no idea how you are going to stop them...you could always put a doorbell up high where they can't reach and just ignore knocking, eventually they will give up I suppose

IdPreferNot · 03/09/2012 01:36

Hmmm. Tell the kids to stop knocking and explain why (it' driving you mad). But, tell them to come on Sunday and check your door. If they've not knocked all week, leave them a little present (biscuits? a few mini choccies?) with a not that says, thanks for not knocking and check again next Sunday.

IdPreferNot · 03/09/2012 01:38

With a note. Sorry, didn't finish post. If they've knocked during the week, then leave a note for them saying, No pressie this week but try harder this week! Let them know that of course they can knock in a genuine emergency.

If that doesn't work... ASBOs? That sort of thing would drive me crazed.

Original poster

lionsgorawr · 03/09/2012 01:38

I'm just too scared to say anything to the woman to be honest! She's shouting at her kids all the time, drinks every night and just reminds me of my own mother (we dont talk anymore - long story) There's no way really of stopping them getting into the garden as we are in the middle of replanting our hedge and its a low fence, easily climbable. I have tried to be jokey around them re coming back from the shops but they just don't listen. They crowd round the pram and grab my DD's hand. I end up just telling them I dont have time to hang about and could they leave DD alone as she dislikes being crowded around.
All I want is some peace and quiet, especially when DD is down for a nap but it seems impossible with the constant door knocking and screaming outside.

OP posts:

IdPreferNot · 03/09/2012 01:40

Oh, and a higher fence. Good fences and neighbours and all that!

thepeoplesprincess · 03/09/2012 01:41

You sound a bit pearl clutchy tbh. Just tell them to sod off if they're annoying you. Job done.

And dont for the sweet love of Jesus start buying them presents for not harassing you in your own home. Rolls eyes.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 03/09/2012 01:44

Trellis on top of the fence.

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 01:46

you have to toughen up a bit and tell them to get lost, you start entertaining neglected kids and there'll be no end to it.
certainly don't leave them any sweets as one poster suggested.
be frosty not jokey, it doesn't matter if they think you are a cow, be a cow.
Is it a shared garden?
if not put up a very high fence

tartyflette · 03/09/2012 01:47

They sound like very needy and attention seeking kids; Sad, but I think you're doing the best thing for you and your family by keeping them at arm's length. Be polite but distant and engage with them as little as possible.

On a practical level when they ask what's in your bags keep it short and sweet 'Shopping.' or 'Food.'

Politely ask them to stop knocking on your door as it's disturbing you when you're resting, or whatever. And to please not go into your garden.

I'd also tell them that your DD is far too young to be allowed out to play with them and you will not be allowing this. At all.

Frankly I would be too worried about her safety to let her go out with older children who behave like this.

Original poster

lionsgorawr · 03/09/2012 01:47

I do feel a bit sorry for the kids but it does get frustrating at times! Especially when DD has just went down for a nap and I've literally just sat down to a cuppa and then the bloody door goes! I'll be honest, there's times I've wanted to tell them all to p*ss off! As it's even at the stage where if I nip outside for a smoke they come running up to me telling me so and so is annoying them, actually let slip the other day and said "i dont care!"

OP posts:

Original poster

lionsgorawr · 03/09/2012 01:51

tartyflette Sorry, didn't mean to make it sound like DD is on her own with them! I'm there with her whilst she's in her pram. She's never left alone unless with trusted friends and family....I just keep telling them she's sleeping/eating or whatever and hope they get the hint!
nellyjob I'm not actually sure if it's a shared garden but as it's a council rented property, putting up a large fence would be a no :(

OP posts:

omfgkillmenow · 03/09/2012 01:52

just try not to encourage them in any way...

omfgkillmenow · 03/09/2012 01:53

I would put in for a swap

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 01:56

yes I know what you mean.
but trying to be nice won't work, trust me.
I lived on a council estate for years, and was too nice to some little scrotes, and came to regret it. deeply.
If they are banging on your door be very firm, but do be careful at the same time, or you could end up with stones thrown etc....

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 01:57

forget the hints.

Original poster

lionsgorawr · 03/09/2012 01:57

I would do that in an instant omfgkillmenow if I hadn't just spent a fortune redecorating the whole house! DP has not long lost job and I dont start training course until 2013, so moving is completely out the question right now as just can't afford it :( Hate the area we live in as it's not just the children who are a problem! The people directly upstairs are always drinking/(what sounds like) fighting and shouting! Useless talking to them about it as they dont speak a word of english! Gaaah, does any one happen to know how to say "Shut the f*ck up!" in polish?

OP posts:

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 01:58

zamp - k - nisha

tartyflette · 03/09/2012 01:59

You may need to go a little further and tell them they are NOT ALLOWED to knock on your door. Or go into your garden. If you see them in your garden tell them they have to leave immediately.
If none of that works I'm afraid you may have to look into taking further steps. They must be well known in the immediate area, how do the other neighbours cope with them? If it's a general problem, then perhaps see about having a word with a local PCSO?

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 02:00

(literally 'shut it, you')

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 02:03

hang on I can do that better....
zamp-k-neesh-e, but run it into one word.
There's more if you like....

Original poster

lionsgorawr · 03/09/2012 02:07

No one else says anything! Everyone around here "keeps themselves to themselves" as the saying goes. It goes for the same as the people directly above us, had the phone the police one night as fighting was so bad, my lightshade was shaking! Put a complaint into the council who told us another neighbor had done the same...Then got a letter through the door a week later saying they could not take our complaint further as no one else in our stair had lodged a complaint! Gaaah...Never move to Edinburgh! Anyways, must head to bed now...DD is up in a few hours and my head is pounding from todays screaming -.-

OP posts:

MollyMurphy · 03/09/2012 02:10

YANBU - you'll have to be clear with them about your expectations.

NellyJob · 03/09/2012 02:12

and prefix it with 'koorva' for added emphasis

MrsJohnMurphy · 03/09/2012 03:01

Can you actually clarify with the council if it is a shared garden or not, I have never heard of not being allowed to put fences up .

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