To want to say something?

[Carmex]

going to try and make this as short as possible and can't go into tooooooo much detail.

Been with DP for 4 years, i have a 9 year old and he has a 11 year old from previous relationships.

When DP split wth his ex (she cheated on him) he got very bad depression and didnt leave the house for 7 years. He moved in with his mum and they used to have his DD round and he would spend time with her etc but obv never went out.

When i met DP, he wasn't really going out much at all, we started a new life together and after lots of small steps and love he's now a changed man and goes out all the time and lives a normal life.

We have taken his daughter lots of places because he was never able to before, it's been so touching to watch.

The problem is his ex, she acts like he owes her, even though hes always paid for his daughter and had her every weekend and every school holiday. She fobs her DD off ALL the time, this summer holiday she has spent more time with other people then she has with her mum, and that's nothing unusual, it happens all the time. when her DD comes to our house, she sends her with no bed clothes, clothes that are much too small and shoes that don't fit. Also because she is going to so many people she s getting spoilt by them and it's startiing to show in her personality, she's asked her dad for an ipad for xmas!!!!! whatever we buy her, normally ends up either being used by her mum or being sold by her mum, but we obv cant prove that so have never sad anything.

DP and his family are scared to rock the boat and say if they say anything to her she will stop them all having contact, but 4 years down the line, I'm sick of this pussy footing about and i just want someone to say something to her. DPs DD has just gone home after being at ours for a week, the week before that she was abroad with DPs mum, she's been home for 2 days and she's now staying at her aunts house for a few nights. AIBU to be cross and want to say something?

that is SO long and rambly, sorry.

YANBU to be cross and want to say something but you would be U to actually do it.

oh god, but it's KILLING me. how can nobody say anything?! i've been getting twitchy fingers towards FB for one of 'those' statuses. But i hardly ever use FB so it would be obvious that it's aimed at her.

I wouldnt say anything personally. I would buy DSD some clothes to keep at your house so you know she has stuff that fits her. Same with nightclothes and a coat.
And also same with presents. Whatever you buy her stays at your house

Agree with Dawn you can have your personal opinions but really its not for you to get involved in, their daughter and her attitude/wellbeing is between them.

And remember as she gets older she will remember her mother palming her off to whoever will have her

BUT

She will also remember that her dad was always there for her, and reliable

Say nothing.

Good advice from Mumnotmachine.

thanks for the advice. will defo do the clothes thing.

missymoomoomee Sun 02-Sep-12 20:40:56
Agree with Dawn you can have your personal opinions but really its not for you to get involved in, their daughter and her attitude/wellbeing is between them.

I might be wrong, but i feel like it is something to do with me, i care about her alot and i don't like knowing what is going on. She's very clingy with me and DP thinks it's because her mum isn't much of a mother figure. I just feel incredibly angry and sad, just wish it was all out in the open rather then being brushed under the carpet all the time.

Dont say anything. The little girl is going to need you to be in her life. I am a HOY and I deal with issues like this all of the time. There comes a time where the child develops a voice and will start to make up her own mind about her mum. You must allow her to do that and be there to pick up the pieces if things do not improve. x

I have 2 older stepchildren, they were 13 and 14 when I got married and are now adults. Their mum passed those boys from pillar to post, she did a lot of things I would never dream of doing in a million years, I love those boys with all my heart, they looked on me as a mother figure, and from the ages of about 17 or 18 they began calling me Mum, their Mum still treats them like crap, and still I would never and have never said anything derogetory about their Mum, its not my place to, even 12 years on. Sorry, being a Step parent is hard but, to an extent, you have to know your place.

Seriously, say nothing.

I'm abit 'meh' about the IPAD. Both my children have IPADS (and they are 3 and 4 and have had them for over a year each!) and I use them. They are not MINE but I use them. If you seriously can't afford it, then don't buy it,

Look, 11 is a difficult age. Expect the next year or two to be tough. ANd then it will get better. The child will see things for the way they are.

It gets easier.

Don't say anything, it won't help but might make life more difficult. Stick with a rant on here.

schoolanxiety it's not about being able to afford it, it's all about her being spoilt and always getting what she wants. She already has a laptop and a £300 phone from us. there's no need for an ipad, she has plenty already.

Thank you for the advice, i will defo keep it buttoned, might just pop on here every so often when i need to explode ;)

Fantastic advice given, I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut though