would you let your ex stay over?

[IneedAgoldenNickname]

Hi. I'm having a dilemma, and don't know what top do for the best so I'm turning to the wisdom of mumsnet

It's my sil to be's hen weekend on a couple of weeks. I'm her chief bridesmaid, and organised the weekend so really don't want to miss it. When we first booked it I was with my now ex, so naturally he was going to have our boys at my house (we weren't living together). Since then we have split up, but he had said he can only have the boys if he has them at my house. I don't really feel comfortable with this, and my Mum says I should point blank say no, but if he doesn't have them here I don't know where he would have them.

He lives with his dad, who is a miserable sod, and the boys aren't allowed to stay there. My mums suggestion is that he takes them camping, but he list his job recently so probably can't afford it.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

How are finances? Can you pay for a weekend away for them all? Near the hen do venue and you could share transport?

Could your mum have them? I really don't think you should let your ex stay over at all. Not a good idea. It's an invitation to snoop if nothing else. Why is his dad such a miserable git? I know it's a bugger, but if all else fails I would suggest you miss the weekend . I wouldn't feel comfortable going away with ex in my house. But then my ex is a total shit.

No way I can pay for them to go away, im about to become a student and super skint!
My Mum would have them, but she is also coming on the hen weekend.

Glad it's not just me that isn't comforter with him being here. He would just snoop, and nit pick at everything that isn't how he thinks it should be.

I don't know why his dad is so miserable, if the boys do much as talk he moans, and last time ex and his dad took them to the seaside, his dad moaned that the boys ran around making a noise!

What part of him in your house are you not comfortable with? Do you trust him to look after your boys? Are they his kids too?
I'd probably not be comfortable with an Ex in my home, but if I trusted him to do a good job looking after the kids I'd probably go for it, stock the freezer with frozen pizza and get in bread and beans and leave them too it.
I'd expect to come home to a mess and happy kids.

I don;t understand why your mum (and Twitterqueen) is so anti him staying. He is spending time with his children and you will be out. What do you think he might do????
For waht it is worth, my ex and his wife and children have stayed in my house both with me there and with me away. DOn;t see the problem. ENjoy your weekend!

Also 'nit pick at everything that isn't how he thinks it should be'. Why would you care? Let him! Not his house. Just nod and smile.

Try to think of your house as the boys' house as well, in which case it's perfectly normal and natural for their father to stay with them in their own home.

And hide any johnny wrappers you've got through since breaking up with the ex.

Do you have a good relationship with him? I have a similar situation with my ex - my DD can't stay where he lives. He stayed at mine and looked after her while I went away and looks after her two days a week while I'm at work at my house. Tbf its more of a needs must situation with me but it works ok. We are amicable. Its what you are comfortable with at the end of the day and completely depends on your individual situation.

I'd allow it - after all he'll be looking after your boys who are the most important thing - but I'd also eg give all recent personal documents and letters to my Mum to keep at her house, scrub the browsing history on the PC and password it etc etc to allow me to relax. If he notices you're using a different bath cream, that hardly matters does it?

Our relationship is, shall we say strained! We try to keep things amicable which is easier said than . All the reasons you have given for letting him stay are kinda what I was thinking anyway, but there is a small part of me that says no. I don't know why, I just don't feel 100% comfortable with it.